Pussy Paddler Makes Poons Pop (It’s Not What You Think)

No, really, it's iiterally a pussy boat. And a fun alliteration.

No, really, it’s literally a pussy kayak. And a fun alliteration.

Holy Hoo-Ha, talk about dedication to one’s craft!

Japanese artist Megumi Igarashi —  aka Rokudenashiko — has demonstrated an uncompromising, steadfast commitment to chocha art — to the extent that her latest endeavor has landed her right in the clink!

Rokudenashiko started down the glorious pussy path when, feeling something was “abnormal” with her own fla-fla, she underwent vaginal “rejuvination” surgery. Afterwards, she felt “disconnected” from her remodeled cooter and turned her energy towards spreading the sweet gospel of poon acceptance through her artistic creations — which includes jewelry, an iPhone case, and her latest project: gliding around in a kayak modeled after her very own ladyparts — which promptly got her arrested under Japans’ obscenity laws.

Rokudenashiko’s stated goal is to make “pussy more casual and pop” (if your brains have been living in the gutter like mine, you probably had to re-read that sentence a few times to get what she meant, because the first place your mind went to was that line from “My Neck, My Back”).

Given that rates of cosmetic vaginal surgery keep rising (a survey by the American Academy of Cosmetic Surgery projected there were over 53,000 vag rejuvenations performed by all U.S. physicians in 2009. Among AACS members alone, there was an increase of more than 50 percent in 2008) — which reflects how fucked up society’s perceptions and projections are around “normal” or desirable goddess-given gonads (I blame straight porn) — Rokudenashiko is doing the lord’s work, IMHO. Paddling her “peach on the beach” is obscene?!? Butchering one’s box to look like Barbie’s no-no zone is obscene!!! Rokudenashiko is out of order?!? YOU’RE OUT OF ORDER!! THEY’RE ALL OUT OF ORDER!!!

Ahem…Talk about Pussy Power. I bet Drake’s song was totally about Rokudenashiko (or it should have been).

pussykayakAlso really feeling the kayak color choice….perhaps a Rokudenashiko X Yellow Peril collab is in order?

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Check out the petition calling for Rokudenashiko’s release, which has amassed over 20,000 signatures.

via Dlisted and HuffPo.

BROS! WE OWN HIP HOP RIGHT NOW!

BROS! We did it. I can’t believe it. Ever since the first day I bought my Young Black Teenagers maxi-single, I have waited for this day. Come on, you remember YBT right???

That’s right, tap the bottle and twist the cap! Cause the rap game has been taken over. And by taken over, I mean the best rappers in the world are white, just like yours truly, Chad McDougal, part-time cell phone salesmen and part-time community college PE majorer, and ohyea my county’s greatest rapper. I’ve won cyphers at my dad’s law firm’s annual Easter Sunday breakfast and I’ve won impromptu freestyle rap competitions at underground TGIF back parking lots. So you better believe I know it when a takeover has, uh, taken over. Check it:

Greatest rapper in the game right now? You guessed it:

Greatest female rapper on the top of your charts right now?

URGH I WISH I WAS SWAGGY P, getting all up in Iggy like that! Wait, hang on, I just got a call.

Hello? What was that bro? Swaggy P, I mean Nick Young is what? He’s not… uh, what? Oh. Damn. 

Wait, I take back what I said about Swags P. I always wanted to be Kevin Love, I’ve told y’all from the very beginning! These are crazy times, y’all. No black musicians made the Billboard Top 100’s 2013 top track list for the first time since 1958. I’m not racist yo, I swear. But I just gotta say, its nice and refreshing to see people who look  like me finally singing, I mean spitting the rap game, that I like. See, Eminem agrees:

Durian Tourism….made in Oregon

coupledurians

Well, isn’t this precious? There’s a new Très Exotique durian tourism venture, brought to you from a young hip white couple from Eugene, Oregon. Because of course it is and of course they are. White privilege +  disposable income + a dash of Columbus complex….Oh, the places you’ll go!

Some choice bits from the NPR (again, OF COURSE) feature:

“What if a single taste of one fruit — in this case, the durian — changed the course of your entire life?

The moment (2009) Gasik and Culclasure inhaled the fruit’s gassy aroma of fermented pineapple and onion and tasted its cool, creamy, vanilla-flavored flesh, they were hopelessly hooked. Now, after years of traveling through Southeast Asia tracking down and eating durian almost daily, they have become experts on the fruit. And for other travelers who catch durian fever, Gasik has written a durian travel guide to Thailand , which comes out in June….

“It’s very sensual — the thorny texture, intense aroma, bizarre appearance and amazing range of flavors found in no other fruit or natural food,” Gasik tells us by email from Bangkok. “Durian is the only fruit in the world that I know of that combines a very high sugar content with a high fat content. It’s like crème brûlée on a tree.”…

Since the couple departed for Asia in 2012 to pursue durians nearly full-time, they’ve eaten the fruit in 13 countries, including Malaysia, Vietnam, Myanmar and Australia.

And even Gasik and Culclasure have more new durians to taste. This summer, they’re hoping for a chance at “elephant dung durian.”

Elephants often eat fallen durians off the ground, Gasik explains, and sometimes the entire fruit manages to pass through the animal unbroken. The flesh of these durians supposedly goes through a further ripening process that amplifies the taste.

“There’s a guy in Malaysia who says he’ll have some in July,” Gasik says. “I’m really, really excited.”

CBruhs: BARF LOOK AT THESE HIPPIES. Tripping all over themselves to scoop elephant poopfruit into their maws. Who can just up and leave to the other side of the world to eat fruit all damn day?? WHITE PEOPLE. And why can’t durian just be durian and not compared to creme brulee in order to somehow “translate” it? Who do you think knows what the texture and aroma of creme brulee is even like?? OTHER WHITE PEOPLE. You wouldn’t say potato is the daikon of Europe…or something. Actually maybe you would say something like that AZN.

AZN: At least it’s really durian and not a euphemism for a sex tour.

CBruhs: If it was 2 white dudes I would be suspicious that it really was. Well, he did describe durian as a “sensual” fruit. What does that even mean? So what would be a “not sensual” fruit…like a cranberry? Something from Europe obviously because only Asian fruits can be sessy fruits. Anyhoo I’m personally more interested in the Russell Wong Joy Luck Club Watermelon Tour. Coming soon to such exotic locales as your local Ranch 99.

 

Thanks Char Char!

Honoring Yuri Kochiyama

yurifist

This past weekend the Asian American community, nay — HUMANITY lost a legend. But the legacy of Yuri Kochiyama continues to burn bright — not just because she was friends with Malcolm X or supported the work of the Black Panther Party. It was her integrity, her inclusive vision of justice, and her generous spirit (to name a few) that truly made Yuri a stone cold bad ass freedom fighter (not to mention a muse for Blue Scholars).

In tribute, 18MillionRising.org has set up a Tumblr called Because of Yuri, to collect stories and memories from the many people she moved, whether they met her in person or not. Including CBruhs, who is honored to have her submission included (and below). Head on over to #BecauseofYuri to share your praises, and check out the other contributions in honor of this marvelous, miraculous, beautiful woman warrior.

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I’ve never had the honor of meeting Yuri Kochiyama, but her power, her passion, her presence has continually lingered in the atmosphere, like a spark in the ether. The iconic image of Yuri speaking with ferocity at a 1968 anti-war demonstration is branded into my brain, and no doubt countless others — young and old, Asian American and non — who, like me, hope to manifest even a small part of her fearless life and vision. This image of Yuri is audacious, it is righteous, and it still quickens my blood every time I see it.  It shows someone who does not look like what we’ve been conditioned to believe a hero can look like in America, but who was nevertheless propelled by the courage of conviction, who boldly lived her values, and who modeled what justice can look like when we build together. I see a woman warrior, and it is in Yuri’s legacy that I can imagine the promise and potential of our beloved society. Thank you for all you’ve given us.

Blood Bath! Steven Ho Gets Gruesome on Conan

stevenbloodbath

Happy World Goth Day to all us dark-souled, black-hearted ghouls & gremlins! FOREVER ALLOOOOONNNE!!!

Keeping WGD in mind, it was good timing and tangentially relevant that BCB’s ol’ pally Steven Ho — despite having his arms full with real Asian baby twins (alas, Conan’s fake Asian Baby got raffled off on YouTube)  — walloped Conan with another action-packed plus BLOOD-DRENCHED appearance a couple days ago….and it literally GUSHED with gory goodness (sorry)!

If I had a quarter for every time someone said to me, “So, I’m gonna stick my sword inside you”….. I would have 50 cents. ANYHOO I learned a lot about how Hollywood works from watching these segments, including THIS awesome “dummy-soft-shoe-hand-punch-kick-to-the-face” trick (just watch, it will all make sense) and how they will serve you fake movie blood in a nice shot glass (FYI don’t swallow). Classy shit! Side note: WHO is that hawt stunt piece with the axe & the earring?? (good band name). Yowza. Talk about gettin that blood pumping.

As always, Steven Ho kills it…and You Will Know Him By the Trail of Dead left in his grisly wake…Good Stuff! Great Fun! Uh, I mean….the victims have been bled…strewn with time’s dead flowers…bereft in deathly bloom

Thanks Steven!

 

PHEW: Fresh Off the Boat Might Actually Be Good and Not Offend Us All

Just when I thought the ABC adaptation of Eddie Huang’s Fresh Off the Boat autobiography (BCB Book Review HERE) could end up as the next All American Girl… Surprise, surprise, we get a respectable Asian American version of Chris Rock’s Everybody Hates Chris. Set in the 90s in Orlando just like the book (PLEASE GOD DO NOT CHANGE ANYTHING SIGNIFICANT FROM THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY) and starring a kid who might be a bit too skinny to be a young Eddie Huang, F.O.B. looks like one of those shows that’ll make you think you’re laughing at Asian folks, when in fact you’re laughing at Asian folks making fun of white people. The line between funny or racist is a dangerous and ambiguous one (see any NBC sitcome vs any CBS sitcom), and I don’t always condone Asian American actors doing really really really really bad fake Taiwanese accents, but this shit was based on the life and times of the great Eddie Huang, so calm down folks, and YES I know those are terrible Taiwanese accents. And if anything, they should have learned how to do some real Taiwanese accents, maybe not view a creepy Youtube tutorial on how to do a Taiwanese accent, but maybe learn from a vocal coach or something. (By the way, if you’re Asian American and your parents don’t have accents, you’re probably not reading BCB anyway. YEA I SAID IT.)

It really is going to be glorious watching Eddie rocking the 90s Orlando Magic Starter jackets and rolling around with a Walkman full of Wu-Tang. And the fact that its set in the 90s alone is going to make this show the beast that I know it can be. At a time where the one-camera, well-written, witty comedy is king, this show has the chance to go far. PLUS extra props for picking the hilarious Gov. Danny Chung from VEEP to be the dad and the super hot Constance Wu who’s role as an Asian American mom trying to fit in with the Real Housewives of Orlando could be a sitcom in itself. Here’s hoping for future-past flash forwards with Eddie Huang cameos cause a narration might not be enough. And I’m esp looking forward the very special episode: waiting in line at Foot Locker for Jordans episode.

EXTRA EXTRA: NEW FALL LINE UP MEANS JOHN CHO IS BACK FOR A NEW PILOT:

Yes this looks really bad. And what the F is up with Asian American actors on TV being forced to have Anglo names? Does John Cho look like a Henry Higgins? Does Lucy Lu have to be JOAN Watson in Elementary? Couldn’t she be Watson Chen? Wouldn’t that be more realistic?

Subway Badonk FTW

subwaybutt

Damn, can the author of this NYMag post do a better job of disguising his thinly veiled, seething envy?

In his post, “How Not to Use Your Butt on the Subway, in One Extreme Photo”, Joe Coscarelli describes the above subway situation thus: “On the scale of underground nightmares, it is somewhere amongst a wild rat and a man eating a large chunk of cheese with his hands.”

Please. You can stop clutching your pearls over this one, Joe. I’m pretty sure Survey Says juicy booty > a rat running twixt your toes on the way to work. Every time.

And anyone who’s ridden a jolting NY subway knows that standing in the aisle is a precarious position. While people who lean their whole damn back against the pole during rush hour embody the spirit of RUDE, this lady’s immediate area doesn’t look too crowded. This is obviously a smart, hands-free leveraging of assets — she’s able to text whilst anchoring her center of gravity — so she doesn’t go flying headfirst down the train car as it pulls out of 42nd St. You gotta use all the tools in your toolbox, ladies.

Methinks that in addition to sounding like a snotty, elitist (vaguely racist and sexist?) dickbag, Joe doth protest too much. Were that he had such a triumphant BIG REAR DON’T CURR bringin all the bois to the backyard all DAT AZZ. Oh how he WISHES. Can’t keep your eyes off that fatty, daddy, huh?

Joe also describes the expression of the girl on the left as one of  “abject horror” and proclaims, “We stand with you, Side-Eye Girl.”

First off, I wouldn’t say that chick looks so much “horrified”, as contemplative-bordering-on-admirational. She’s all, “Hmmm…now why didn’t I think of that? Note to self: Sensible. Functional. GLORIOUS.”  An all-out Side-Eye, this is not (and I am a Side-Eye conoisseur, bishes). As far as the “we stand with you” part — speak for yourself, Joe!

To the contrary: Resourceful sunshine jeggings subway pole woman, we SALUTE you!

 

via NYMag.com

Thanks Char Char!