BROS! WE OWN HIP HOP RIGHT NOW!

BROS! We did it. I can’t believe it. Ever since the first day I bought my Young Black Teenagers maxi-single, I have waited for this day. Come on, you remember YBT right???

That’s right, tap the bottle and twist the cap! Cause the rap game has been taken over. And by taken over, I mean the best rappers in the world are white, just like yours truly, Chad McDougal, part-time cell phone salesmen and part-time community college PE majorer, and ohyea my county’s greatest rapper. I’ve won cyphers at my dad’s law firm’s annual Easter Sunday breakfast and I’ve won impromptu freestyle rap competitions at underground TGIF back parking lots. So you better believe I know it when a takeover has, uh, taken over. Check it:

Greatest rapper in the game right now? You guessed it:

Greatest female rapper on the top of your charts right now?

URGH I WISH I WAS SWAGGY P, getting all up in Iggy like that! Wait, hang on, I just got a call.

Hello? What was that bro? Swaggy P, I mean Nick Young is what? He’s not… uh, what? Oh. Damn. 

Wait, I take back what I said about Swags P. I always wanted to be Kevin Love, I’ve told y’all from the very beginning! These are crazy times, y’all. No black musicians made the Billboard Top 100’s 2013 top track list for the first time since 1958. I’m not racist yo, I swear. But I just gotta say, its nice and refreshing to see people who look  like me finally singing, I mean spitting the rap game, that I like. See, Eminem agrees:

Complex’s Top 50 Most Racist Films of All-Time

Although I didn’t agree with their choice of Bottle Rocket at #49 (its not THAT trashy, is it?), I definitely agree with Complex’s Top 50 Most Racist Movies You Didn’t Think Were Racist: Numero 1: Breakfast at Tiffany’s.

Also props to Complex for finding the little known racist gems like Gremlins (the darker the Gizmo, the deeper the roots), Romeo Must Die (Not even ONE kiss Aliyah?!), Dragonball Evolution (THANK YOU!),  Gung Ho (I didn’t even know this movie EXISTED, but now I GOTTA watch it just for Gedde Watanabe alone), 21 (THANK YOU AGAIN!), Avatar The Last Samurai (duh.), True Lies (finally, this is the first time I’ve seen this movie called out on its racist terrorist shit), Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (sorry ShortRound), Song of the South (there’s NO WAY Disney is still selling this movie), Transformer 2 (Skids and Mudflaps ruined this movie for me, but then Megan Fox made it all better), and Sixteen Candles (sucks to be you Gedde Watanabe, you seem to always pop up more than once in any of these lists). But most of my props go to Complex for calling out Rob Schneider for ALL of his movies cause he’s somewhat racially ambiguous (he’s a bit Filipino) and therefore plays everybody’s stereotype:

8. Every Rob Schneider Movie
Year: 1963 (birth)-present

Adam Sandler’s bit-part-playin’ buddy is a modern minstrel who has played (and played out) Chinese (I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry), Hawaiians (50 First Dates), Arabs (You Don’t Mess with the Zohan), and Native Americans (Bedtime Stories). He’s argued that it’s OK because he has a little Filipino in him (ayo!) and because he just happened to be the actor best suited to mock a people. We argue, “Fuck you, Rob.”

Alameda Beauty College: The Show

This is where I live. Alameda city. Its a small island paradise off the coast of Oakland. Its population is diverse, and includes many old-timey White residents in 2-story craftsman homes alongside people of color moving in from all over the East Bay. So it doesn’t surprise me that the Alameda Beauty College is in the news nowadays because of a stupid stunt pulled by the school’s new owners who are “white, naive suburbanites” trying to get rich and famous by pitching a reality show for the school.

From KTVU (peep here to watch a video news report) regarding the content of the show’s pitch, which was registered with the Writers Guild of America:

The document described the proposed show saying: “The students are mostly inner-city, unwed mothers taking advantage of government subsidies for a better life. The instructors can’t find any other job that offers ‘bennies’ [benefits]. The new owners are white, naive suburbanites bleeding cash and trying to keep it all under control.”

In situations like this, the owners should just shut up and move on you’d think. No. The married couple running the school keep mouthing off to defend themselves, but end up digging themselves deeper and deeper. Tracey Becker:

“It wasn’t meant to put these people on tv,” explained Becker. “If we were to do a reality show, everybody would sign a release.”

“These people”, Becker? Seriously? Please stop talking and consider selling the place and opening up a similar business in Antioch or Brentwood. A place for “people like you” (my quotes) to run a Beauty School reality show like an MTV Real World season: all-White.

from the legend herself: sherdizzle!

There’s an Ap for That

Say you’re a White guy working in finance in WeHo and you end up marrying a Chinese wife who keeps her ethnic last name, Cao. Is it no surprise that you own an iPhone? I guess not.

Click for the full video from Apple.com

Click for full video

And if you think I’m reading too much into this or how I know the guy holding the phone is White (Johnny Appleseed, generic Apple user extraordinaire), then we should meet up for drinks at BJs.

Baby On Board

I saw something like this while on my walk to work this morning:

kid-trailer2

"Thanks dad, sure I don't need a helmet. My skull is fully developed by this age"

Although this is a random pict of what I witnessed this morning, it does the job. A picture doesn’t quite capture the instability or roughness of what the baby actually feels in the back. Cause the kid I saw this morning looked like he was experiencing a jeepney ride through a bumpy jungle road from Saigon to Phnom Penh. My first thought was, “a car’s gonna sideswipe that baby trailer like nobody’s business”. My second thought was, “every time I see one of these bike accessories, its rolling past me in a yuppie part of the Bay or being taken out of an Audi. Always by a white dude”.

So I’m gonna go ahead and state a gross generalization. White people like to put their babies in harms way more than Asian folks. Agree or disagree? Cause my white uncle’s literary thrown my little cousins into walls and ceilings and done this, seriously:

Balancing Baby

Look at that smile on the baby's face! Wait, only the dad's smiling... That little girl looks like she's gonna shit herself.

White Kids LOVE Them Some Marshmallows

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say eating marshmallows whole like this is a white thing, cause I ain’t never seen a brown, black, or yellow kid trip this hard on one of those cylinders of sugar before:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Bay Area Diversity

My colleagues in the planning field are largely progressive and typically racially tolerant (and almost entirely white). But as Malcolm Gladwell taught us in Blink, our nonverbal cues are very telling, and I’m damn well sure I heard a hushed silence when this graph popped up at a Bay Area projections conference I attended (in a roomful of white folks):

You may think this was a graph of The Mission today, but its the Bay Area... of the FUTURE!

Behold, your Bay Area of the FUTURE! This graph does NOT reflect cities/neighborhoods like The Mission where the opposite is true.

That dip in White folks and hike in Hispanics is incredible. Right where those two lines meet is when the state of Colorado will get a huge spike in White Californians… Boulder will love those Far East Bay Pleasanton/Dublin/Concord folks pricing out Coloradans on housing…