Yet Another Golden State Warriors Rant

GoldenStateWarriors

Another Warriors post, this time a joint post between Sherdizzle and AzNHeartThrob. Should be interesting, cause the Dubs are the only thing Sher and AzN agree on….

Sherdizzle:

As I sit listing the order of preference of which home games I plan to pick in my shared season ticket lottery drawing this weekend, I see this and this and this and this.

And yet, I keep listing my games away, eager to be there opening night against Yao.

Now there isn’t one single player on this upcoming season’s roster that I’d wholeheartedly cheer for during intros let alone spend 50 bucks on a youth size jersey for. We’ve got a bunch of d-listed wannabe superstars who think that because they had one fluke season of ESPN highlight reels, during a very short-lived post season, they all of a sudden can command enough star power to demand that the franchise cater to them. Hey, Monta – F you! For someone who spent most of last season sitting on his ass and shopping at Union City Target, you’ve got some nerve complaining about who you can and can’t play with in the back court.

monte

How about you take your ass back to Mississippi and play with that moped that sidelined you last season? And while you’re at it, take Stephen Jackson with you too. Before you became a W Jacko, you were a reject, a trouble maker, who was best known for picking fights at Auburn Hills and carrying guns into night clubs. The GSW’s gave you a second chance at redeeming your reputation and your career. How do you repay them back? By demanding a trade?

Well, F – you too Jacko.


It’s like the W’s are cursed. It’s got to be the Webber/Sprewell/Nelson debacle of 1995. Ever since those three collided and abandoned ship, we’ve been in a downward spiral. We get players who wine and dine us, then up and leave once a prettier younger mate comes along *ahem* boomdizzle. We cling to players who have zero talent and no chance of ever leading us to the playoffs let alone to a championship *ahem* Dunleavy, Murphy, Jamison (F you Jamison and your subsequent 6th man of the yr award and two all star appearance after leaving the W’s). And we spend big bucks on guys who, in all likelihood, if they were on any other team, would only come off the bench in the fourth quarter when their team is already up by 40 points. *ahem* Dampier, Foyle. And lets not even talk about draft picks, because I’m sure AzN can set off a rampage post about all the superstars that we managed to let slip…*ahem* Kobe. And somehow, we always manage to always let go of the ones with potential and heart (Gilbert, Jrich). *sigh*


So while Jackson and Ellis cry about how deserving they are to play on a championship team because of that ONE season once upon a time that they helped get the W’s into the playoffs, I’ll think about the days that made me become a W fan to begin with in order to get me through these dark days. (And to those bandwagon fans who just hopped on board in 06, I’m talking about the Run TMC days, I’m talking about the pre Chris “I’m a douchey idiot” Cohan days.)


I’ll stick to wear my #1 TRAN jersey ‘cuz I know that’s one playaplaya that will never leave…


AzN:

What is it about the Golden State Warriors that make us actually LOVE them. Its not the name. The Warriors name is mostly associated with Wilt Chamberlain and his 100 point game when the team was in Philly. Its not the city, cause the name of the team isn’t even a city. Its not the colors, those keep changing different tones of blue and gold. Its not the mascot, Thunder, who everyone loathed and thankfully got shown the door when the OK Thunder came into the world. Its not the uniforms, which we all seem to hate until they get changed and “thrown back”. Its not the God forsaken Oracle Arena or the area its located in (tailgate? in a parking lot looking over a freeway next to a BART station?). Its not management (poor, poor Mullin). Its not ownership (I LOATHE NO OTHER MAN MORE IN SPORTS THAN COHAN). And its not the experience of going to the game ($9 beers in Oakland?). And as my colleague Sherdizz explained, its definitely not the players. So why do we love the Warriors? Is it because its the only (basketball) game in town? I don’t think THAT’S true, I don’t see myself rooting for the San Jose Supersonics anytime soon… I’m starting to think its because of the fans. Fans that have sipped the Kool-Aid since Sarunas Marciulionis was running the ball down court and Chris Gatling was rebounding with his absurdly long hands. We have cheered for this team for so long with the such ridiculously low expectations, that no matter WHAT they accomplish (4th in the Pacific! YEA!), we cheer them on like we just got 3 back-to-back titles. In the same way a physically abused child adores his father when he brings home a happy meal for dinner (Yea, I got a toy Transformer!), we mindlessly cheer on a worthless team that makes more money when it spends less money on talent cause folks from Novato to Gilroy love basketball, and never hitched on to the Kings bandwagon. So now that I concede that this is an addiction, I’m past the denial stage. Someday, years from now, I might move into acceptance, but until that day, I’m busy picking out which game I’m going to buy seats to (PORTLAND!) and which Warrior will be here long enough for me to buy a jersey (maybe I’ll just be safe and buy a throwback Mitch Richmond jersey).

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The Cash Warren Complex

Another poor sap with outdated Warriors merchandise.

Another poor sap with outdated Warriors merchandise.

You see it all the time: walking down the street, at a cafe, in da club. The Cash Warren Complex. Simply put, its a hot girl with a boyfriend that is a tool, a douchebag, or just plain Fugly. There’s even an entire blog devoted to the phenomenon: hotchickswithdouchebags.com. Cause there’s only two answers any guy should reply with to the question, “Who’s good enough for Jessica Alba?”

1. No One.

2. Me.

Why am I writing this now? Well, a few Woody Allen films and a stroll through Brooklyn Heights reminded me of these type of douches. And I originally gave Cash Warren a grace period for being a Baron Davis/Warriors fan, (they played high school ball together at Crossroads in Santa Monica). But that ended 2 years ago, and now Davis is a Clipper… so the gloves are off.

Warriors: Same Ish, Different Year

Ridiculous. I can’t believe I’m sitting here in NY, and I’m a fan of a team that actually has a worst team and management than the New York F’N Knicks. Unbelievable. First the Warriors lose almost ALL of the players from the last playoff team they had (notice how I’m using “they” and not “we”), then they drop Chris Mullin as GM (who’s Knicks-bound now!), then shit really hits the fan this month and we’re not even close to seeing the Warriors ruin their 7th overall pick yet! And I’m not even referring to the Warriors stupid Director of Public Relations that got caught logging into WarriorsWorld.net as “flunkster dude” and posting up “anonymous” fan forum comments of praise for upper management on how they handled season ticket renewals, only to be caught because the web admin was able to trace his IP address back to the Warriors front office (doesn’t he know the Bay Area fan-base is all GEEKS?)

So what happened that’s pissing me off? All Warrior fans know Paul Wong, simple man, family man. Owner of one Hawaiian Drive-In chain in Alameda (oh snap, I’m craving a Loco Moco with gravy on the side as I write this). But most famous for single-handedly creating the WE BELIEVE phenomemon in the middle of the Warriors 2007 regular season, when the team had a 28-35 record and was nowhere near playoff contention. And what happened after that? An unbelievable winning streak that brought them into the playoffs and momentum from 18,000+ fans with We Believe shirts and signs that crushed the Dallas Mavs’s best record in the NBA in the 1st round of the playoffs. The Warriors promised Wong that they’d stop using the slogan after the season. They also promised him “season ticket holder of the game” at the last home game, which is stupid and mindless (ooooh, I’ve been a season ticket holder since the team moved out from Philly and all I got was this autographed Marco Belinelli Jersey?!?). And what did the Warriors do? No compensation, We Believe shirts for another year, and NO fan of the game. Dude was #1 fan of the YEAR! And now he’s CANCELING HIS SEASON TICKETS! How do you go from the Bay Area’s undisputed Warriors SuperFan to canceling your season tickets? Oh, the woes of being a fan of the most poorly run franchise in major league sports…

Vodpod videos no longer available.

So why do the Warriors continue to operate like school on sundays (no class)? Cause they CAN. We’re talking one of the most consistenly WORST teams in the Bay Area that doesn’t come close to the playoffs every single year, but an average arena attendance that ranks NINTH in the NBA?! NINTH! You know what that means? Even if they trade Biedrins and Ellis for the rights to the Lakers’ 29th overall pick in 2009 and decide to replace them with 7th grade basketball players from the local Oakland schools they use as halftime show amusement, fans will STILL be coming to games. So how do we solve this dilemma, other than getting the Sacramento Kings to move to San Jose for fan competition (hmmmm… What a coincidence, the NBA’s last place team in attendance is located exactly 120 miles from the 10th largest city in the nation with the most corporate tech headquarters in the world…). 

BOYCOTT THE WARRIORS. Easy as that. Stop going to games, stop buying jerseys for players that won’t be around in a year (I have a closet full of Speewell, Davis, and Webber jerseys), and stop watching games on TV. Don’t even be tempted with the twice yearly Kobe visits or the yearly Celtics or LeBron visits. Give it 2-3 years, and we’ll get what the City of Charlotte got, a new basketball team with better owners, in the same great Oracle Arena in the greatest region for basketball.

The Only All Bay Area Team

Trading JRich was the beginning of the end...

Trading JRich was the beginning of the end...

Despite you trading away the heart (JRich) and soul (BD) of the team, and then blowing up the roster of the only playoff winning team in a decade. Despite all the losing records and crummy trades. Despite the increase in ticket prices and hiring of Robert Rowell. Despite the drafting of Chris Washburn, Chris Webber, Joe Smith, Todd Fuller, Antawn Jamison, Patrick O’Bryant and Mike Dunleavy. Despite trading Run TMC for Billy Owens, Eric Dampier, Kevin Willis and Bimbo Coles. Despite the immaturity of our best player, Monta Ellis. Despite the lousy uniforms and even worse mascot. Despite the traffic of I-880 during rush hour commutes on weekday games. Despite the team name that doesn’t even mention Oakland, the City’s real pride and joy who didn’t cheat on you with Los Angeles for 12 years only to come crawling back or flirt with other suitors like San Jose, Fremont, Portland, and San Antonio.

Despite all of this, fans still come. In droves. Not just any fans, but A’s fans, Giants fans, 49er fans, and Raiders fans. You are the Bay Area’s one and only team and that will never change. You have been here since 1962 and you will never leave, and that cannot be said for any other team here. You bring together the hatred that A’s vs. Giants and 49ers vs. Raiders fans bring (2 BcB writers included). If there’s one thing a Raider fan will help a Niners fan do, its to help kick a Sacramento Kings fan in the face in the Coliseum parking lot on any given day. 

And for that, I thank you.

Why (most) Americans Will Never Like Hockey

I fucking hate hockey. It has nothing to do with communism or Canada or the low scores, like how most Americans feel (have you ever seen a pitching dual in baseball, America?!). I just feel it is the least socially and economically accessible sport there is. You need pads, helmet, skates, puck, stick, an ice rink and 9 other people that can afford the same. Its probably $2000 just to get on the ice prepared for a pick up game. And that’s not even including a ref cause icing and off sides ain’t something you can self regulate like backcourts and double dribbles. It also has nothing and everything to do with race. Cause kids in the projects or kids with immigrant parents don’t have any opportunity to send their kids in to get fitted with hockey equipment and training.

 

When I think of a hockey team called the Dragons, i think of a team that looks like this. Including Ronald Weasley taking some time off his Quidditch team to play hockey (second from the right).

When I think of a hockey team called the Dragons, i think of a team that looks like this. Including Ronald Weasley taking some time off his Quidditch team to play hockey (second from the right).

 

Compare this to basketball, and you got yourself a huge discrepancy. If you dont believe me, go to a Warriors game in Oakland then go to a Sharks game in San Jose. In Oakland, I’m one among thousands of blacks, whites, browns, and yellows. At a sharks game, I’m the ONLY PERSON of color. I literally could not find a token Asian or Mexican kid. Have you ever been the token minority in a group the size of thousands before? In the f’n Bay of all places? If you wanna be, head straight to the club level bar behind section 101 at the Shark Tank. You won’t even find that one little 1st generation Asian kid that grew up in Los Gatos and doesn’t have any Asian friends cause he didn’t grow up around any. 

 

And this is why I’m an Obamaniac. Cause our President balls, and people in his cabinet ball:

 

  • Arne Duncan, Center. Secretary of Education. Harvard and Australian Pro.
  • Eric Holder, Guard. Attorney General. Queens native. NYC Stuyvesant High School, Columbia University. 
  • Susan Rice, Guard. United Nations Ambassador. National Cathedral. 
  • James Jones, Forward. National Security Advisor. Georgetown. 
  • Reggie Love, Obama’s Body Guard. Duke University National Champion, 2001. 
  • Barack Obama, guard. Punahou High School.  

 

 

Its the only sport you can play a whole game by yourself, in your backyard, at midnight (which was my saving grace as an only child). Its the only sport you can show up in any neighborhood court in the WORLD with a pair of tattered Jordan’s and an NCAA bball and play with 1, 3, or even 9 other like-minded individuals. Or play by yourself in between plays of a 5 on 5 game you complete loser.

 

Hockey is for those that can afford it. And my America can’t.

 

An Open Letter to the City Officials of Oakland

ihellaloveoakland-tshirt-youth2

Before I begin this letter, I must preface one thing, I hella *heart* Oakland. Always have, always will. (I have the shirt to prove it – see above)  I remember when my parents packed up our GMC truck and made the 2 day drive from white bread Chisholm, Minnesota to Oakland. It was April 1984. As an adorable child, I was oblivious as to what this city would have in store for me. I was unaware of the growing pains that it would cause me. I was incognizant as to amount of time I would have to spend defending it to southbay douchebags and SF elitists. But it all happened. I endured 2 teachers’ strikes during the course of my k-12 education, I witness Jerry Brown’s reign as the gentrification czar from 1999-2007, I watched my beautiful city rise to the number 5 most dangerous city in America in 2008. All the while, defending it to every Chuong, Dick, and VBeezy out there.

Now, I have earned my right to bitch. When you allowed Czar Brown to tear down all the shops along Jack London Square to build up all those luxury condos, which no real Oaktowner can afford, I said nothing. When you allowed the City of Fremont and Cisco Systems to fly into town and sweep our beloved Oakland A’s off their shaky playoff feet, I remained sidelined. When you kept pushing more money into the police department instead of funneling money into social services and preventative programs for youth to address the problems of crime and drugs in the city, I cried silently among friends. When I didn’t get callbacks for the two jobs that I applied for, I wasn’t bitter- I just went on to get a post graduate degree in hopes to impress you to get an even better job. But now that you’ve frivolously mismanaged public funds and practiced years of nepotism in your hiring process, and are currently $42+ million in debt, I may never get a chance to impress you.

But the reason I’m writing this letter today to the city leaders of Oakland (I use the term leaders loosely), is to address the controversy circulating around about the possibility of HBO using our dear city as the set of their new television series. The Hughes Brothers, yes love them or hate them, are back and have developed a new HBO series drawn out of their 2001 documentary “American Pimp.”  The premise of the storyline is based on a 35 year old pimp struggling to retire from his hoe-hagging profession, but finds himself in too deep to just get out. The new series titled “Gentlemen of Leisure,” will follow the footsteps of another HBO series, “The Wire.” Like The Wire, which uses Baltimore as its backdrop, Gentlemen of Leisure will use our beloved Oakland as the stomping grounds for the daily comings and goings of the show.

The show is slated to start shooting in 2009, but executives have been unable to attain city permits to allow them to set up shop. Why? Because City leaders don’t want a show about pimps and hoes dragging Oakland’s good name through the mud. Reality Check: we have no good name. When you’re listed as one of the top five most dangerous cities in America, when your homicide rate is well over a hundred every year, when you have city officials who practice nepotism and greed, you not only don’t have a good name to the outside world, but those who live in Oakland have grown weary of the City’s reputation and “good” name as well.

I understand the concerns of glorifying urban life in ways that irresponsibly promotes drugs, unsafe sex, and violence in our already deteriorating and blighted communities. But as a realist, I also understand the need to capitalize on opportunities to spur economic growth. Oakland continues to struggle financially. Perhaps stop over paying lazy city workers and unethical city administrators would be a start to rectifying the financial turmoil. But in the meantime, maybe allowing HBO to set up a production crew in the Town wouldn’ t be such a bad idea. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying this is going to start a world wind of economic growth for the City. I mean, I’m still not even sold on professional sports team being an economic stimulator for any city (but I love me some A’s and Warriors, so I won’t even go there). I do think it would serve to benefit the City of Oakland to have hundreds of people in the City who will patronize our local shops, sleep in our hotels, and pay us big bucks to film on our streets. I don’t see too much harm in our local landmarks making it to the small screen on a national scale. If the only reason that city leaders oppose the filming and use of Oakland for this show is because of the fear that it will give Oakland a bad name, well, shit, we already have one, so why not capitalize on it? Here are some all around benefits I see to filming “Gentlemen of Leisure” in Oakland:

1. Film production folks will eat in our restaurants, shops in our stores, and shit in our port-o-potties

2. Our local landmarks will get recognition on television, thus free publicity (ie. Hello Deli, Juniors, Katz, etc)

3. Oakland will become a recognized contender as a possible filming location for big movies

4. They are not developing anything fixed, like luxury condos, office buildings, or professional sports stadiums or practice facilities- again no diss on my bay area teams, so it’s not taking the place of any other economically beneficial infill development.

5. The possibility of me getting a walk on role, preferably a speaking role. (SAG card here I come. Hellz yea, cbruh!)

So as someone who loves Oakland more than the Podunk town that she currently resides in, I urge you, “leaders” of Oakland, let them film the show within your borders. Reap the benefits of the sales tax and transient occupancy tax and costs of filming permits that will come your way. Because if you don’t open your doors, some other crime-plagued city in southern California will.


The Yao Show

China Cult of Celebrity

Great Wall of China, Air China, Red Dragon, or some other cliched nickname...

Yao Ming, please. You’re killing me. First, you don’t pull a Kobe and stick to your guns to get “drafted” by a team that has a nice large population of Asian-Americans (I’m looking at you Clippers, Lakers, Knicks, Nets, and my beloved, yet lowly, Golden State Warriors). So you end up in Houston. A city with a significant Asian-American population, but not known as a Metropolitan city with a eclectic and worldly mix of Asian-Americans, unless you count the 3 different types of Vietnamese dialects that live there. If you played at Staples weekly, or MSG or the Brooklyn Arena, or even my Oracle Arena, then you’d sell out every game and build an even greater fan base throughout the world. Instead, you play for the largest city in Texas, which is like saying you’re the inmate with the prettiest eyes at Folsom State Prison. But the worst part of it all? When you DO visit the other cities, basketball plays second fiddle to the greatest show on earth: THE VISITING 7’5″ GIANT CHINESE BASKETBALL PLAYER, yao ming.

World's Tallest Man - Bao Xishun - 7'-7"

Not Yao Ming

You’ve become a spectacle. A traveling freak show. Sure, there are true fans of China Basketball that show up with Yao jersies. But when the Rockets come into town, you can be damn sure the home team sells tickets based on the fact that you’re different than the rest of the players:

  • Orlando Magic: “East meets East” night (Eastern player playing against an Eastern Conference team) where they served sushi (What?!), egg rolls and lo mein.
  • Golden State Warriors: Karate exhibition by mostly Non-Asians.
  • Chicago Bulls lion dancing during halftime.

When I was at a Warriors/Rockets game last year, I had to put up with a halftime show that had ALL the following:  lion dances, a karate competition, Chinese acrobats and a Chinese woman throwing bowls from her foot up to her head while on a unicycle. Pretty soon, all the NBA stadiums will run out of ideas and they’ll resort to math competitions and spelling bees during halftime?!
You know what this is like? It’s like selling fried plaintains and having a raggaeton-themed half time show when Puerto Rican national, Carlos Arroyo of the Orlando Magic comes to town or doing a Samba-themed halftime show with capoeira performances when Brazilian Leandro Barbosa of the Suns comes over.

I’m not really sure what you do for a halftime instead (maybe a half court shot competition for a trip to Shanghai?) but if you want Asian-Americans to come watch local games against the Rockets, getting some Asian kids to juggle and karate chop isn’t the answer, I could stay home and see that in the mirror.