sxsw Day 1

Not much to report back other than everyone here is HELLA nice and apparently from Oklahoma mostly. Or NY/LA. Went to another go-to bar, which happens to be the same go-to bar in LA/NY/SF:

Beauty Bar: Texas Style

I really appreciate how everyone down here drinks their local beer, Lone Star, which is probably the worst beer I’ve ever had. But I guess its the Texas-mentality of liking your shit more than other people’s shit. You wanna taste a bottle of Lone Star? Just buy a bottle of Miller High Life, pour our its contents, and then pour in one part Bud Light and one part Texas tap water (which is horrid), and there you have it. Enjoy! What else does aZn have planned this trip? A secret meeting with an Asian American prof and an interview with Maya, the drummer of The Colourist for BcB favorite: Made Jewelry. Stay tuned, depending on how much free Lone Star I can get out of party promoters (yeah, I’d drink it if it was free), this may be the one and only post on sxsw.

An acoustic set by The Colourist:

SxSW Part II

Today, AzN will once again venture to SxSW this year in the wonderfully amazing, most un-Texan city of all: Austin (don’t remind us we’re in the state of) Texas. Although last year’s trip included an “urban” ballet, romps with various American Apparel employees and more BBQ’s and steaks three grown men can handle, this year’s will be better planned, better (wo)man’d, and include actual direct flights to Austin on the infamous nerd bird (no more roadtrips from San Antonio or Houston). Also new this year, AzN will be joint blogging for Made Jewelry and P is for Props (depending on the content) live via iPhone. Although I can’t promise much content in the blogs, I can promise weird, creepy drunk tweets on the BcB Twitter feed. And for those of you not familiar with the great City of Austin, capital of the Nation of Texas, peep this trailer from a doc titled The First Echotone:

October Monthly Racism Round-Up: Dallas and Halloween

Is that a Spanish speaking translator behind him, cause then this picture should also be listed under ironic as well as Dallas is filled with racist fucking rednecks

Is that a Spanish speaking translator behind him, cause then this picture should be listed under "ironic" as well as "Dallas is filled with racist fucking rednecks"

As if Texas needs anymore news like this to perpetuate California’s stereotype of the hillbilly, redneck, build a big ass wall along the Rio Grande cause I’m the GD state of Texas! But it looks like Dallas Texas did just that. Apparently they’ve been writing up “Don’t Speak English” tickets (good thing they don’t give tickets for bad grammar in Cali) for the past 3 years as a ticket-able offense. It isn’t (for regular drivers).  I don’t know how those yokels thought they could get away with that. I would say these MFer’s would get their asses kicked when they travel abroad to Thailand or Spain and get yelled out for screaming “WHAT THE FUCK! HOW COME NO ONE IN THIS GOD DAMN COUNTRY SPEAKS A GOD DAMN LICK OF AMERICAN!” But you know, as well as I do, these MFer’s wouldn’t go as far as the downtown Dallas P.F. Chang’s.

Speaking of being as American as Texas is, check out the second most controversial Halloween costume this year (after Kate Gosselin’s blond wig):

IllegalAlientHalloweenCostume

Buycostumes.com, with the sale of their “Illegal Alien” costume (“he didn’t just cross a border, he crossed a galaxy!”), perpetuates the idea of undocumented immigrants as foreign, criminal, inhuman, and well, as you can see, it’s just some straight fucked up racism. Pro-immigration advocates were up in arms over it, and thanks to their actions, the costume was pulled from the shelves of Target, Toys R Us, Amazon.com, Walgreens, and other retailers.

The bad news is, the costume is still available directly from BuyCostumes.  United Farmworkers of America has started a Twitter campaign to remove the costume from their site @ http://act.ly/pm. The CEO of BuyCostumes.com, Jalem Getz, insisted that “it’s not a caricature of illegal immigrants, it’s a play on words”. Uh huh. Great article on offensive costumes here. I know as Halloween approaches, we’ll all be bracing ourselves for another lovely year of ethnic dress-up ass-clownery like this and this. If only we could get this garbage pulled from the shelves too.

BcB Opinions: Freddy O and the Great State of Texas

You betta watch yourself boy.

You betta watch yourself boy.

 

The following is a guest blog from Frederick Laurel Bartholomew O’Dowell II, American and Texan.

Hey y’all, Freddy O here, or you can just call me Tex if you’re a cowboy or cowgirl out in Terrell, Texas! Yippee-Kay-Yay muthaf’as!

I wanted to write up what you liberal NY Times readin’ douchebags here at BcB would call an ed-torial. I ain’t all about learnin’ much, but I did go to collage on a full ride as a linebacker (GO AGGIES!).  I ain’t gonna brag much either, but I was the best they ever had. And don’t give me that Dat Nguyen was the best Texas A&M ever had BS. Dick Butkus award my ass. He was Bill Parcell’s little bitch for the Cowboys. I’m talking a REAL linebacker. A “blitz all the f’n time no matter what coach said” kinda linebacker.

Like I said, although I spent much of my collage life taking Sports Psychology classes and chasing cheerleaders (oooh Chrissy, I miss them milky thighs!) I wanted to say I’m glad as hell a God fearing Republican like good ‘ole Betty Brown spoke up ‘gainst the ‘ignant immigrant ching chong wannabe Texans that think they have the right to vote just cause they were born here or became citizens cause they know who the first President of the US of A was (Benjamin Franklin to you a-holes) or what the D.C. in Washington, D.C. stands for (Democratic City you water buffalo jockies). God bless you Betty Brown and your All-American name (would you believe me and Betty comes from the same town? What are them odds? She even in my wife’s small group on Tuesdays and Thursdays and her husband’s in my yearly huntin’ cabin trip up in Montana!). Being American and voting is a privilege, not a right. A privilege blessed (by Jesus) on God fearing Johns, and Michaels, and Pauls, and Matthews and Josephs. I’m talking Americans with real names, New Testament names, Jesus’ disciples names. Not names like Ezekiel, Micah, Leviticus, or Hoseah — cut that Old Testament Jew shit out! If the saint you were named after weren’t in Jesus’ fishing boat, I don’t want your name on a voting ballot, cause you ain’t gonna vote Republican.  It ain’t voter suppression down here in Texas if we call it “Proactive Republican Accessibility Prioritization Encouragement” or Pro-RAPE for short. It’s right as rain we sent a lady from Terrell, North Texas down to liberal, Sodom and Gomorrah ass lickin’, “I don’t wanna marry the opposite sex”, sure as Armageddon they going to Hell in a handbag, I can’t f’n believe our beautiful state’s capital is in Austin Goddamn Texas. I’m pretty Goddamn sure I saw a Black and Chinese holding hands on 6th Street the last time I was there when mah son registered for the Marines at the state capitol building!

We need her down there to fix things up like we need to fix immigration laws in the Great State of Texas (give me a shotgun and a list of Chins in a Chinaman phonebook and I’ll fix your Goddamn immigration laws Broke Obama). Maybe then so-called football players named Dat Nguyen can stop breakin’ all the Goddamn records I set as the best Goddamn middle linebacker College Park, Texas has ever seen! Cause Dat Nguyen needs to get a fixin’ and make his name into something more ‘propriate for Texas and easier on my tongue like “That Win”. Sounds the same. Maybe then he can quit crying “my neck hurts so much I gotta retire” and just MAYBE play for the greatest football team ever, my Houston Texans! OOOOOhh-WEEEEE! Won’t that be the day! On second thought, I don’t know if I want ‘nother miNOrity on my beloved Texans (notice how I put the word NO into minority? It’s a play on them words, I tell ya!)

God Bless You (You know who You are).

Freddy O. 

PS. Please contact the lovely Betty Brown with the following contact information to tell her what a great job she’s doing! Don’t listen to them Communists and their whining (I didn’t even KNOW there were Dems in Texas?!)

Email: http://www.house.state.tx.us/members/email.php?dist=4&rep=betty.brown

Capitol Office Phone:  (512) 463-0458

District Office Phone:  (903) 675-9500

Capitol Address:  Room E1.404, Capitol Extension, Austin, TX 78701

District Address:  108 S. Pinkerton, Suite 105, Athens, TX 75751

Oh No You Didn’t Texas!

 

mene1

Aw Dang “I love naming Asian food establishments with witty double entendres” Asian Cuisine Restaurant (awdangasiancuisine.com) was an aZnHeartThrob find this weekend on a roadtrip from the “not so hick-y” Austin, TX to the “I don’t get why this city exists AND has a pro basketball team” San Antonio, TX.

This is STRAIGHT from their website, swear. Cause nothing makes me wanna go to an Asian joint for eats more, loads of White people eating there. Always a good sign...

This is STRAIGHT from their website, swear. Cause nothing makes me wanna go to an Asian joint for eats more, loads of White people eating there. Always a good sign...

It’s in a small town called Schertz and run by Dang Clarke according to the website. You can make your own assumptions based on that name, but I’m just glad you can get Bun Nem Nuong and Bun Bo Hue in Bumfuck, TX. But I think I’ll need to create a Vietnamese version of my Chinese Restaurant Random Name Generator soon, just for Dang.

To the Greatest City in America

San Jose, California, I salute you. Never did I ever imagine as a native San Josean, born and raised, I would ever be able to compare my city to the heavy weights of the country like El Paso, Texas; Birmingham, Alabama, or Little Rock, Arkansas. Never could I ever think that San Jose would grab national headlines as big as the day its residents provoked the last public lynching in California. But today I can. A recent survey done by bestplaces.com ranked all the gender inequality gaps in U.S. cities. Top of the list was McAllen, Texas with 28% more women. What a crappy place to live don’t you think? Another equally crappy place? Heaven. But of all 10 cities ranked, ONLY San Jose had a gender inequality that favored MEN over WOMEN. Awesome you might say? Agreed. 

  1. McAllen, TX (28% more women)
  2. El Paso, TX (27% more women)
  3. Memphis, TN (17% more women)
  4. Bethesda, MD (17% more women)
  5. San Jose, CA (17% more men)    <———— My Hometown!
  6. Birmingham, AL (16% more women)
  7. New York, NY (16% more women)
  8. Baltimore, MD (16% more women)
  9. Little Rock, AR (16% more women)
  10. Columbia, SC (15% more women)


it would be texas to be the first…

harrold independent school district in texas announced friday that they’re going to allow teachers to bring guns to school. the superintendent, david thweatt said it’s a matter of safety.

“We have a lock-down situation, we have cameras, but the question we had to answer is, ‘What if somebody gets in? What are we going to do?” he said. “It’s just common sense.”

i thought common sense would be to not voluntarily allow guns in schools. obviously, the guns would have to be easily accessible right? otherwise, if an intruder gets in, will the teacher have to excuse him/herself to go load up? wtf is up tx?