Pussy Paddler Makes Poons Pop (It’s Not What You Think)

No, really, it's iiterally a pussy boat. And a fun alliteration.

No, really, it’s literally a pussy kayak. And a fun alliteration.

Holy Hoo-Ha, talk about dedication to one’s craft!

Japanese artist Megumi Igarashi —  aka Rokudenashiko — has demonstrated an uncompromising, steadfast commitment to chocha art — to the extent that her latest endeavor has landed her right in the clink!

Rokudenashiko started down the glorious pussy path when, feeling something was “abnormal” with her own fla-fla, she underwent vaginal “rejuvination” surgery. Afterwards, she felt “disconnected” from her remodeled cooter and turned her energy towards spreading the sweet gospel of poon acceptance through her artistic creations — which includes jewelry, an iPhone case, and her latest project: gliding around in a kayak modeled after her very own ladyparts — which promptly got her arrested under Japan’s obscenity laws. Well, should have better been choosing one form here http://kayaklife.co.uk.

Rokudenashiko’s stated goal is to make “pussy more casual and pop” (if your brains have been living in the gutter like mine, you probably had to re-read that sentence a few times to get what she meant, because the first place your mind went to was that line from “My Neck, My Back”).

Given that rates of cosmetic vaginal surgery keep rising (a survey by the American Academy of Cosmetic Surgery projected there were over 53,000 vag rejuvenations performed by all U.S. physicians in 2009. Among AACS members alone, there was an increase of more than 50 percent in 2008) — which reflects how fucked up society’s perceptions and projections are around “normal” or desirable goddess-given gonads (I blame straight porn) — Rokudenashiko is doing the lord’s work, IMHO. Paddling her “peach on the beach” is obscene?!? Butchering one’s box to look like Barbie’s no-no zone is obscene!!! Rokudenashiko is out of order?!? YOU’RE OUT OF ORDER!! THEY’RE ALL OUT OF ORDER!!!

Ahem…Talk about Pussy Power. I bet Drake’s song was totally about Rokudenashiko (or it should have been).

pussykayakAlso really feeling the kayak color choice….perhaps a Rokudenashiko X Yellow Peril collab is in order?

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Check out the petition calling for Rokudenashiko’s release, which has amassed over 20,000 signatures.

via Dlisted and HuffPo.

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Hello Kitty X Hooters

Apparently it was inevitable that the Hello Kitty New World Order would eventually include questionably-themed chain restaurants…the predominant among them being motherluvin’ HOOTERS (in Japan).

And the first 1,000 customers who go to Hooters Tokyo and order uh, “The Volcano of Love” special Valentine’s parfait get Hello Kitty Hooters pins. Yippee!!

All this HK cross-branding is really starting to destroy my wholesome childhood memories of buying HK pencils and stickers and other useless, yet nonsexualized crap. I mean, HK doesn’t even have a mouth, let alone A PAIR OF JUGS fer Chrissakes…so WHY is she dressed in that loathsome, vile uniform of tan hose/white Reeboks/hazmat coochie cutters? You’re better than that, Hello Kitty!!

Who exactly is the audience for this marketing?

Confusing. And unnecessary. I would very much like to eat that parfait though.

Thanks Char Char!

Source

Bicycle Bell Works on Slow Pedestrians!

Walking in New York, one experiences a lot of pedestrian “road rage” — the emotional intensity of which tempts you to punch slow-moving tourists and other such mosey-ish walkers in the back of the head.

Obviously, getting stuck behind 3 teenagers shambling side by side or planting your face in the ass of a blinking rubbernecker coming to a dead stop at the VERY TOP of the subway stairs will always happen when you’re late to work, a hot date, or happy hour. ALWAYS. Instead of resorting to murderous thoughts or spitting out some snide, passive-aggressive remark like “That’s a PERFECT place to stand” (guilty!), it would be so much more civilized to have a polite yet effective mechanism to express your inner Ludacris.

Well, you know the Japanese think of everything, so of course this guy would come up with THIS!:

Genius! I’m loving the POV camera angle too. Now, how to deal with the 80% of the American population that is oblivious to the sound of an approaching bicycle bell…

via Buzzfeed

Friday Fuckery: Tiger Escape!

In Japan, they take disaster training and emergency preparedness seriously, folks. Trainers at the Tama Zoo in Tokyo role-played what to do in the event of a tiger rampage, with over 70 zoo staff taking part in the drill. 26-year-old Shuhei Yamaguchi lost at that most powerful democratic tool known to man: rock-paper-scissors — and was stuck with the role of tiger-run-amok.

While the getup makes me feel like I’m at a high school basketball game waiting for the half-time dunk contest, Yamaguchi’s performance (which lasted over an hour) of enraged-turned-defeated creature is straight QUALITY. Just try not to whimper as they poke a stick at his limp Garfield body and wrap his fuzzy mascot ass all up in that net. SADS. Makes me wanna call up ASPCA. Someone get Sarah McLachlan on the phone, stat! Also, I wonder if Tama Zoo is hiring…

via nyc barstool sports

Jamiroquai Pushes Cup Noodles

Oh, Jay Kay from Jamiroquai. Remember him, and that sliding room dance? And Ohhh….those crazy hats. That he wore everywhere. So wacky! Like the Cat in the Hat. Except Jay in the Hat. We looked! We saw him step on the mat!

And errrybody thought he was hot poop for a minute there cuz he was a British guy who could slide ‘n’ glide a lil lil. The song “Virtual Insanity” oozed out of every pore of the mid-90s — but Jamiroquai was not long for this side of the pond, and soon went off to virtual oblivion (waah waaaaah) where acid jazz one-hit wonderboys go to rest.

But apparently “Virtual Insanity”…..is Risen!!! As a Japanese-dubbed Nissin Cup Noodle commercial (translation anyone?).

That fuzzy candy raving tweaker bonnet never looked so fuckin’ tasty. He may still be dead to our ears, but Jamiroquai’s huge in Japan!

via Dlisted

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