Getting By With a Little Help From The Colonel

I know I’m totes mcgotes tardy to the party on this one, but I couldn’t let it go without BCB paying the proper homage this woman deserves.

After getting dumped by her boyfriend, Tan Shen of Chengdu, China steered her ass into the closest KFC for some chicken wings and “time to think,” and parked it there. For a week. And not any ol’ roadside KFC; but the KFC at the TRAIN STATION.

Many of us tend to eat our feelings come rain (or let’s be honest, shine); few of us have the balls to reach deep, deep down and nom the pain away on such a profound level.

Dealin' with feelins. Like a BAWSE.

Dealin’ with Feelins. Like a BAWSE.

After 7 days, when the pesky media started butting in on her party of alone, Tan Shen, “decided the best thing to do would be to leave the city and go back to my parents. I had already told work I was off sick, so phoned them and said I was leaving. And I was getting sick of the taste of chicken so there was no point in staying there anymore.”

Her heart may be broken, but spoken like a true pragmatist!

If we all focused less on coddling our butthurt egos, and more on intensive, raw, unabashed self-care like Tan does, we’d probably be a lot better off and get the healing and closure we needed instead of a never-ending, torturous vortex of analyzing old emails, obsessing over Twitter feeds, stalking Facebook updates, googling image searches, poring over 10-year-old Snapfish albums every other day, driving by their new apartment under cover of night, and…what?

After this impressive undertaking, Tan better have a line of beaus waiting to sweep her off her feet and into the next Sizzler. Can a sister get an upgrade?!

BCB salutes you, Tan Shen! Doing breakups right — and proving there’s nothing a little time and a lot of fried chicken can’t fix.

via Huffpo & Dlisted

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Here’s One Way to Win Ben Stein’s Money

bensteinWell, this be bizarre. And random. Also, ick nast. Who knew Ben Stein had such a thing for goldiggin’ “Eurasian” pregnant performance artists? Who wanted to know? Who wants to un-know it? *raises both hands*

Apparently Ben Stein first met 24yo former escort Tanya Ma at SFO, and they struck up a borderline (for those with zero boundaries) creepo relationship that started with texts, then some Snapchat-type content (y’all know what I’m talking about), progressed to Tonya asking for some monies to support her baby-to-be…and then quickly went south (shocker) after they agreed to meet in a hotel *but* Stein revealed he wanted to do gross old man stuff to her like hug and kiss her preggo body-ody-ody. LINE. CROSSED. In his defense, quoth Ben: “When is it wrong to hug people?” …..?…??…..

If you are a dirty masochist or a goldigger-in-training or now an even bigger Ben Stein fan (for shame), you can read more sordid details here.

I just know I’ll never be able to hear the words “Bueller….Bueller?” in the same way again…

Via Page Six & Dlisted

The Return of JuJubee

Thank the Tuck Goddesses that JuJubee is BACK — with service, Bitches! Run for cover, homegirl’s about to read the shit out of this joint.

There’s a reason why my facebook profile is a pic of me squeezing the life out of JuJubee after the R Place Pride show like she was a life-size chicken nugget. Well, many reasons, but they’re all filed under “Sickening” so basic bitches best run and hit the library.

Some of my other fave fierce queens back on RuPaul’s All Stars Drag Race are La-triiiiiice Motherfuckin’ Royale, Yara Sofia, Raven, and Alexis Mateo. BAM! (Notice I didn’t list Manila Luzon because she’s a Mean Girl and was a dick to me at Boxers Sportsbar in Chelsea this one time. Sniff.)

Team Rujubee Ryde or Die.

If you’re not overdosed on eleganza yet, check out this wonderful JuJubee montage here. And I’m done.

Countdown (Asian Kid Snuggie Version)

Before I begin, let me just say this made my everything. I am LIVING for this kid Ton. Not only did he slay “Countdown”, he did it in a frickin’ Snuggie with the Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve, and Talent that qualifies him to be all Bye, Girl, Bye to Queen Bey herself. Also, he obviously shot this in his parents’ den, which just adds to its “not-gonna-let-the-suburbs-dull-my-shine” realness:

This makes me nostalgic for the Basement Jaxx and Peaches lip syncs me and Princess Char Char used to make in our Chinatown apartment. Except we had a shitty laptop-generated green screen and about 18 inches of dancing space. And were well into our mid ’20s. Plus I was totally that white girl with glasses.

If you happen to be headless and need more proof that the choreo and editing is perfection, check out the comparison to the original “Countdown” vid:

Instead of that hot mess of a report ‘The Rise of Asian Americans“, Pew should have just linked to this.

Ton…YOU OWN EVERYTHING BOO.

via Crunk & Disorderly

Friday Fuckery: For the Love of Newsies

A preview of the much-anticipated Broadway production of Newsies recently aired on Good Morning America...and there’s an Asian dude, who gets considerable stage time! (Apparently there was a mixed Asian actor in the original movie — Kevin Alexander Stea — who played “Swifty the Rake”. I wish people still had names like that).

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Newsies has a special place in American musical history, and in the hearts of many ladies of…a certain age. While many girls migrated to New York in the ’00s chasing Sex And The City fever dreams, me and my best buds were hitching our wagons to a brighter star: Newsies. We knew the words to every song and had no hesitation busting out a multi-part “King of New York” on the 6 train or screaming out “The Delancey Bwuddas!” when approaching the Lower East Side.

We shopped voraciously for newsboy caps and dessed as a gang of Newsies for Halloween — on multiple occasions — including that one year in Boston I spotted the one other guy at the bar also dressed as a Newsie and was convinced we were soul mates until his girlfriend the sexy nurse crippled me with her death stare. My Newsie friends were there to soothe my broken heart by whispering: Well, dat’s da foist thing ya gotta learn – headlines don’t sell papes. Newsies sell papes.

Which is why, even if I feel nothing could ever measure up to the original, I still plan to shell out a ridiculous amount of money to see grown ass men in short pants twirl around on papes. Especially that Asian newsie with the juicy butt.

For SooJooBa and Char Char (who recognized Kevin Alexander Stea as a Madonna dance captain and cast member of Naked Guys Singing. Yowza!)

Hey bummas, we’se got work to do!
Since when did you become me mudda?

Check out Jezebel‘s excellent take on Newsies here.

Ben Henderson New UFC Lightweight Champ

via UFC.com

Even if you don’t particularly care for fighting or start squealing at the sight of blood, who doesn’t appreciate a couple of ripped tough guys flexin and wrasslin around and kicking at each other! Hence the beauty and widespread appeal of MMA. One of my favorite fighters to watch is Washington state’s own Benson “Smooth” Henderson, who is as fooyynne as he is talented in combat.

Challenging lightweight champion Frankie Edgar for the title on Saturday, the two battled it out for all five rounds, with Ben inflicting plenty of damage while his own mug stayed so fresh and so clean.

Photo by Al Bello UFC/Zuffa LLC/Getty Images

After five rounds, Ben Henderson was declared the new UFC lightweight champion of the world by unanimous decision. Then he went to go hug his mom, Song — as I squeee’d and submitted my application for president of the Benson Henderson Fan Club, South King County Chapter.

photo by Tracy Lee for Yahoo! Sports

Congrats Ben! Check out some more info and highlights on Ben Henderson here.

Source

Friday Fuckery: Obama Booty Grab

While on a West coast fundraising tour, President Obama swung by unannounced to the Great Eastern Restaurant yesterday in San Francisco’s Chinatown to nab some takeout.

What ensued was a gaggle of ecstatic customers, a lot of handshaking, and a few old Chinese ladies partaking in a fistful of Presidential rumpus:

The expressions of the guy in the tan shirt and the Secret Service agent are the next best things about this photo.

Susan Walsh, Associated Press

That’s right, Chinese matrons appreciate a good ol’ rear squeeze as much as the next law-abiding, Buddha-revering civilian. But they have the cahones to do it brazenly in front of Secret Service, the American press, and their grandkids. And repeatedly:

Nothing woos a Prez like a flossin' COOGI sweater

Saul Loeb, AFP/Getty Images

Some onlookers will claim that such sweet seniors are virtuously bereft of all bawdy intent (or just short), but I say: THEY KNOW WHAT’S UP. If anyone is hip to using physical and social stature to honey badger through life — whither cutting in line at the bakery, running you over with a laundry cart, or taking the liberty to cop a patriotic feel, it’s your gangsta ass Ee Ma and Pau Pau. You know they’re gonna be bragging about their Mack Meemaw skills at the mah-jong table til next Lunar New Year.

Get some, golden gurls! I can’t wait til I’m an old Chinese lady and I can just grope with abandon, up to the very highest echelons of the American political system. Thus is the beauty and true meaning of democracy.

Cheers to Obama and the Granny Grab!

Thanks Sherilyn! – This seriously made my year.

source (and more heartwarming pics!): San Francisco Chronicle