Trailer Parkin’: Revenge of the Green Dragons

Sometimes AzN and CBruhs spend a whole day’s worth at work emailing each other back and forth about something random until we both realize we should probably just copy/paste and make it into a blog post. This, as you may have guessed, is one of those times. 

AZN: Did you see this? It looks awesome, but just like Revenge of the Nerds, I was wondering where the original film, The Green Dragons is? Never mind, that kinda sounds like a Chinese fast food chain.

CBRUHS: Wow, that movie could be huge; in terms of Asian repping. Like the next Better Luck Tomorrow. Or it could be really bad, but the fact the director is actually Asian gives me hope that the characters will be portrayed with humanity. Like Justin Chon won’t be wearing a bra and a teddy bear glued to his wiener. Or that kid from Glee will take off his shirt.

AZN: It’s gonna take a lot for me to hop back on the HK cinema train. To keep the analogy going, I’ve long since gotten on the plane and landed in Korea and am now firmly affixed at Seoul Station never to set foot back in HK. Was that clear enough?

CBRUHS: Maybe Scorcese exec producing this movie is his way of paying back the favor of ripping off Infernal Affairs? I hope he pays viewers the favor of making Harry Shum Jr. git nekkid.

1360749946_infernal-affairs-2002-33-gAZN: If I was Wai-Keung Lau and Martin Scorsese wins a GD oscar for MY movie idea and forgot to thank the Infernal Affairs team for sourcing him the original material, then the least he can do is EXECUTIVE produce my movie. Executive producing a movie is the equivalent of a “digital introduction” which is right up there with forwarding a PDF to someone in the work world. And did I say “source”? I meant stole cause every Bostonian I know thinks this was a homegrown Boston crime story and no one knows who Wai-Keung Lau is and what Infernal Affairs 1, 2, and definitely 3 are.

CBRUHS: The trailer kinda made me homesick for my old Chinatown neighborhood (altho this took place in Queens) and is serving up a touch of Notorious MSG realness. I’m a sucker for matching jackets, wifebeaters, and manperms. I once asked an ex-banger friend of mine if they were accepting interns. Wish I was playin’ but I’m not.

AZN: If this movie were made in the ’80s I might be a gangster right now. Instead, I had Dustin Nguyen playing a “Japanese” undercover cop. Worst case scenario this might make Asian American gangsters more known in the mainstream which means breaking down Asian American stereotypes right? Hello? Right? Don’t make me come in there looking for your Bank of A-Mattress.

CBRUHS: Affirmative. Here’s where I say something about throwing off the yoke of the Model Minority Myth and the imperative of broadening AAPI media representation. And Harry Shum Jr.’s chesticles.

revenge-of-the-green-dragons-slice-560x186AZN: I’m just super glad Justin Chon is surviving the Twilight series. If he gets an Oscar nom from this he would be getting rewarded, like Anna Kendrick, for recovering from their “Bella’s BFF crew” role for all three (or was it four?) Twilight films. A feat in itself.

CBRUHS: You know what’s also a feat? Mike Chang’s physique. Is his 12-pack — uh, I mean Revenge of the Green Dragons gonna be screening in 4D??

AZN: **ERROR* Undeliverable mail: Your message did not reach some or all of intended recipients and is being returned to sender.**

Trailer Parkin’: Beauty and the…Beast?

Welcome to a new feature at BCB, where we “review” (bitch) about trailers and previews for upcoming films and TV shows…Trailer Parkin’! Let’s hit the road!

CBRUHS: Yo AZN, check this preview for the upcoming CW show Beauty and the Beast…starring Kristen Kreuk:

CBRUHS: So…I thought Beast was supposed to actually look like a beast.

AZN: Don’t you see his scar? He’s a monster!!

CBRUHS: Whatever, the old one was so much better (just ask my moms, who used to make me watch it). Dude looked like a retarded lion in a busted burlap sack at a Ren Fair, and they still managed to make him appealing. Uh, I think I’ll go add that to my Netflix queue right now….

AZN: The ’80s version. With Linda Hamilton. Kristen Kreuk as NYPD is the most unbelievable casting I’ve seen by the Cdub.

CBRUHS: This is the second show from CW with an female Asian American protagonist. The first was Maggie Q as Nikita. It should be noted that both are half-white, and paired with white men as romantic interests.

AZN: Where’s Russell Wong when you need him? Retirement home?

CBRUHS: This new B & B also reminds me of that tween movie Beastly. That guy just had some face tattoos and scars but he was still fuckable (if you ask me the scars and tattoos make it more so), it’s not like he lives in the sewer and is covered in hair. Whatever happened to that real Quasimodo, man-monster shit? But the premise of these new shows is that they are somehow horrible-looking to everyone else, but these hot ass women still find it in their hearts to be attracted to them. Hm, Beastly also had a half Asian American female lead, Vanessa Hudgens.

AZN: Speaking of Vanessa Hudgens, I just watched Charlie St. Cloud with Zac Efron and I didn’t hate it.

CBRUHS: …

AZN: Hello?

CBRUHS: Sometimes it’s like I don’t even know you anymore.