Model Minority: Justin Kim

jk

So I didn’t even know America’s Next Top Model was still on, nor that it now features MALE models. ASIAN. MALE. MODELS. Feast yo peepers on Justin Kim (by stalking his Insta @seoulful_j) and his impossible jawline…and praise be to Ty Ty for keeping the ANTM cycle going for 22 flippin’ years — although C’MON it really shouldn’t have taken almost a quarter of a century to get a male Asian American model on the show.

Christ, I still remember the first season. And that makes me feel old and sad. But this makes me feel better:

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Tats, chains, and chesticles, Oh My!

Plus he reps Korea and AZN Pryde hard and wants to shatter stereotypes by showing America that Asian men are tall and hot and really really really ridiculously good looking and hot and also hot. What a good Samaritan, that Justin Kim!

Screen Shot 2015-08-19 at 10.40.01 PMTime for me to start clearing my calendar Thursdays at 8pm. Screw Shark Tank. I want Hunk (in a) Tank!  Ugh. Sorry…here’s a palate cleanser:

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OK ONE MORE FOR GOOD MEASURE:

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BCB Hoebags: Amy Chua & Jeb Rubenfeld

Welcome to the first inductees of 2014 into the BCB Hoebag* Hall of Shame: Amy Chua & hubby Jeb Rubenfeld!!

Shudder.

Shudder.

In all honesty, Amy Chua should have joined these hallowed ranks in 2011, when that Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother aka Chinese-moms-are-better-because-they (ALL OF THEM)-brutalize-their-kids-emotionally-physically-and-spirituality-WHAT-COME-AT-ME-AMERICA sensationalist mess that spawned a household meme no one in their right Asian American mind could stomach.

Well, fetch me a switchin’ stick, Fame Whore Mom Tiger Mom and her husband are back and classy as ever. With an (if you can believe it) even more trollish, race-baity, and offensively ridiculous message: Some races oh I mean ethnicities oh wait cultural groups yes that’s the ticket…are better than others! Because of three “unlikely traits”: Superiority Complex. Insecurity. Impulse Control. Yep.

And these successful, uh- risen groups? Cuban exiles, Nigerians, Mormons, Lebanese, Iranian, Indian…..and Chinese and Jewish (oh looky there! Obviously explains how these two were able to write such a magnum opus).

No better way to cash that publicity check ring in the new year than pseudo-scientifically exploiting stereotypes, ignoring virtually everything about American history and context, and hawking a 300+ page cunt punt to race relations with their new book: The Triple Package: How Three Random BS Traits Explain Why Some Groups Rule the Skool and Why Other Groups Suck at Life and Deserve What They Get (I’m paraphrasing, but basically). Eugenics always got a bad rap, am I right guys!? Model Minority, woof woof raise the roof!

Sure, Chua will backpedal and qualify, dodge and charm all throughout her high profile book tour, just like her last go-round. Semantics-shimmy all you want, the racial shit is implied; the damage is done. Book sales, speaking fees, and media hits, however, are over the moooon! LOL XOXO suckers!

Please Amy Chua. Just take a seat. You don’t speak for Asian Moms (#NotYourAsianTigerMom) and your bootstraps crap sure as hell doesn’t speak for the rest of us. Let’s retire this nonsense…to the BCB HOEBAG HALL OF SHAME!!

Check out some great takes on this horseshit at Changelab’s Race Files (YAASS), YOMYOMF and NY Post (really).

*We at BCB consider Hoebaggishness to be an equal opportunity quality across sex and gender(s).

The Return of JuJubee

Thank the Tuck Goddesses that JuJubee is BACK — with service, Bitches! Run for cover, homegirl’s about to read the shit out of this joint.

There’s a reason why my facebook profile is a pic of me squeezing the life out of JuJubee after the R Place Pride show like she was a life-size chicken nugget. Well, many reasons, but they’re all filed under “Sickening” so basic bitches best run and hit the library.

Some of my other fave fierce queens back on RuPaul’s All Stars Drag Race are La-triiiiiice Motherfuckin’ Royale, Yara Sofia, Raven, and Alexis Mateo. BAM! (Notice I didn’t list Manila Luzon because she’s a Mean Girl and was a dick to me at Boxers Sportsbar in Chelsea this one time. Sniff.)

Team Rujubee Ryde or Die.

If you’re not overdosed on eleganza yet, check out this wonderful JuJubee montage here. And I’m done.

Friday Fuckery: James Leland Dolan

You Guys!! Did you know that James Dolan, the Exec Chairman of Madison Square Garden, Inc., owner of the NY Knicks, and gifted music man, has a long and storied history — especially when it comes to profiting off of working with talented Chinese Americans — that stretches all the way back to his great-great grandfather James Leland Dolan? And you guessed it — it involves the The Transcontinental Railroad!

Yessiree, read all about ye olden times, when “Knickerbockers” was part of common lexicon and harpsichord was the instrument of favor. Plus, being illiterate with pyro tendencies didn’t necessarily prevent one from becoming filthy rich. Confused? Yo, son — get your history lesson!

Thank Groban that esteemed scholar and historian Terry K. Park was able to delve into the dusty annals of US history and recover this little known, yet influential tycoon.

Thanks TKP!

Countdown (Asian Kid Snuggie Version)

Before I begin, let me just say this made my everything. I am LIVING for this kid Ton. Not only did he slay “Countdown”, he did it in a frickin’ Snuggie with the Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve, and Talent that qualifies him to be all Bye, Girl, Bye to Queen Bey herself. Also, he obviously shot this in his parents’ den, which just adds to its “not-gonna-let-the-suburbs-dull-my-shine” realness:

This makes me nostalgic for the Basement Jaxx and Peaches lip syncs me and Princess Char Char used to make in our Chinatown apartment. Except we had a shitty laptop-generated green screen and about 18 inches of dancing space. And were well into our mid ’20s. Plus I was totally that white girl with glasses.

If you happen to be headless and need more proof that the choreo and editing is perfection, check out the comparison to the original “Countdown” vid:

Instead of that hot mess of a report ‘The Rise of Asian Americans“, Pew should have just linked to this.

Ton…YOU OWN EVERYTHING BOO.

via Crunk & Disorderly

‘SAFE’ AKA ‘Jason Statham Snuffs More Asians’

Oh, look — another Jason Statham movie. This one is called SAFE, and the drama revolves around a girl who’s an orphaned math prodigy and can memorize anything. And she’s Asian, so that makes sense. And this Asian girl is going to be saved by Statham’s character cuz he’s a destitute, mediocre (but white!) cage fighter, and because her fellow AZNs are exploiting her by ruthlessly using her maths skills for gambling. This necessitates much ass-whupping of random Asian gangsters and a buttload of shoot ’em ups in dark, smoky Chinatown haunts…à la the White Knight/Orientalism formula and the typical Statham movie.

At least Bai Ling won’t be making a repeat appearance as Grimy Clingy Hooker in this one: