Jeremy Lin Comedy: For AzN Eyes Only

There’s a thin line between racism and comedy. That line is more clearly defined when the folks doing the comedy are the same race as the folks being made fun of (with glaring exceptions, of course). That’s why Dave Chappelle left his $50 million dollar paycheck on the table. Cause White peepos were laughing a little TOO hard.

So BcB had some moral dilemma with posting the following videos from Studio 64 Comedy. But it’s too damn funny not to. So for content that walks the line, we’re creating a new category called FUBU — as in “For Us By Us” (which is also a convenient excuse to make a reference to one of the most loved/hated clothing lines of the ’90s). Cause it’s about more than just laughing at accents.

I wish there was an app that only allowed Asian eyes to view the following [insert racist joke here] — but alas, there is not. So be forewarned. And if you’re White, don’t laugh too hard. And no bullshit griping about “double standards”. But feel free to laugh at the PC version.

The REAL real version:

The equally as funny “politically correct” version:

SUPA ASIAN BASKETBALL DUNNNNKK!!

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All Eyez On Oakland

by BCB co-founder and Oakland native Sherdizz

This past year and a half has been filled with all types of emotions. Anger. Anxiety. Fear. Sadness. Through modern day technology, the murder of a young unarmed black male by a uniformed white police officer was captured on video cell phones back in January 2009. The nation saw and heard the shot that tragically ended the life of a father, a son, a friend, a loved one.  It wasn’t the first time a young person of color has died by the hands of a police officer sworn to protect and serveNor was it the second. Or the third.

It was however, the first time it was captured on camera. A year and a half we waited to hear the fate of a killer caught on tape. With the evidence on our side, we stood on the precipice of what would have been the most historic verdict ever, an on duty cop guilty of murder.

Then after 2 weeks of trial and less than 7 hours of deliberation, the jury came back with a verdict of guilty of involuntary manslaughter. Involuntary manslaughter, a conviction that would sentence the killer to anywhere between 2 to 4 years in jail, which means Johannes Mehserle, the white police officer, could quite possibly serve less time in jail for killing Oscar Grant, than Michael Vick served for his role in commissioning dog fights. So yes, once again, the justice system failed us horribly. Then, all eyez turned to downtown Oakland to wait the aftermath of the verdict.

What brought tears to my eyes after the verdict was announced wasn’t just the sadness I felt for a clearly broken and unjust legal system in this country, but because of the impacts this tragedy has taken on the city of Oakland. As an Oakland Tribune writer so eloquently stated, Oakland had nothing to do with the tragic murder of this young man. The murderer was a BART cop, not an Oakland police officer. The victim was a resident of the neighboring city of Hayward. The killing took place on a BART platform, which just happens to be within the boundaries of Oakland. But why blame Oakland for this murder? Had the killing taken place on the Bayfair platform, would San Leandro police have prepared for post-verdict rioting as well?

As though Oakland doesn’t already have enough tragedies, injustices, and challenges to overcome, it appears to also now be the punching bag for regional public discourse. It was disturbing to read the articles and hear the news reports about the preparation for mass rioting in the streets of Oakland post verdict. But why Oakland? Why was it Oakland back in January 2009? Why take to our streets and destroy our small business? Why use up our tax dollars to clean up the aftermaths of broken glasses and burnt trash bins? More importantly, why must our young people have to defend their image to the nation that they are not about violent protesting? During the 2009 riots right after the murder of Oscar Grant, police records show that over 75% of those arrested were NOT residents of Oakland. Outside agitators took to our streets to make a statement that was not only counterproductive to the movement for social justice, but also reinforced to the nation an even more violent image of our beloved Oakland.

Caught in the line of fire, Oakland became the battlegrounds for this fight by default. Realizing this, Oakland residents and those who truly care about this city, took on the call for action. Immediately after the verdict, peaceful protestors demonstrated outside Oakland city hall to voice their frustration, not just with the verdict in this case, but for the many other cases of excessive force by police officers on people of color. These folks held banners and posters with Oscar Grant’s image and name, not to make a martyr out of him, but to symbolize a call for change in the broken justice system in this country. Young people from local youth organizations spoke about not just the need for justice, but for peace and strategic actions to bring about this justice. They live in violence everyday of their lives, not by choice, so to knowingly cause violence is not what these youth of Oakland are seeking for. These messages came from people who truly care about changing the broken system and truly care about Oakland.

And then, the sun set, and the anarchists and self profiteering individuals decided that Oakland doesn’t deserve peaceful protesting. They decided that breaking storefront windows, vandalizing my gym (gawddamn you!), looting foot locker, and causing massive chaos was how they wanted to deliver their message. But what was their message? So for these individuals, I ask you, why Oakland? Why loot our businesses, tag on our walls, and burn our street benches?

My message for these agitators, be they from Oakland or not, you might not care about the impacts that your actions have on this city, but the rest of us who are connected to this place do. We care about the image, the people- young and old, and livelihood of this place. We care about the movement for social change. And we care about fight for justice for all the Oscar Grants out there. So don’t represent our city with your counterproductive actions. You, are not Oakland.

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BCB Best of 2009!

In a shamelessly self-indulgent exercise, BCB picked our 10 personal fave posts (for each other) from the past year. Take a trip down memory lane with us, won’t you? From Tiger’s blasian wandering wang to everything you needed to know about snagging a Vietnamese guy — share a chuckle, shed a tear, and wonder how you ever pissed 2009 down the drain reading this crap.

— Every girl needs a guidebook on How to Date a Vietnamese Guy, right? Hello? Anyone? (#1 Tip to being with a Vietnamese Guy by Sherdizzle).

— Only a native Oaklander can really give tribute to the Town (Oakland… Always in my heart by Sherdizzle).

— TV shows can be like relationships — bringing  escapism, obsession, and dysfunction into our lives. Ne’er was there such a roller coaster ride of emotion as The Wire (An Open Love Letter to The Wire) by Sherdizzle

— Voted “Yes” on Prop 8?……FUCK YOU!  (F*&K YOU Prop h8’ers Supporters! by Sherdizzle).

— Don’t we all need more cliched, “culture-inspired” couture? (Straight Out of Zoolander 2: Da Nang Surplus Couture by AZNHeartthrob)

— Tiger Woods defends his cheatin’ ways and explains the mechanics of multiculturalism (Where the White Women At? by Tiger Woods channeled by AZN)

— The DOs (hot Asian chicks chaperoned by white hipsters) and DONT’s (Asian men in general) of life, according to Vice Magazine (Vice Magazine’s DOs and DONTs: Asian Cutterz by AZNHeartthrob)

— Because only a native Asian from Seatown can rectify any stereotypes of partying like an AzN in Seatown (Ragin’ Asians in Seattle by Cbruhs).

— Because we all shed a tear when the copters flew the Bushes back to Texas and the Obamas rolled walked into Washington, and Cbruhs was there live (inaugurawesome by Cbruhs)

— Deep down inside, doesn’t every girl want to be with an Asian hip hop dancer and every guy want to date a White girl be an Asian hip hop dancer? (Fieldtrip with Me, Victor Kim by Cbruhs)

YOU’RE WELCOME!

Have a bitchin’ 2010!

BCB Holiday Wish List

Holidaze are just around the corner, and that means, in keeping with blog tradition, and because no one asked for it, we present our BCB wish list, for all your gifting and re-gifting needs! By reading this, you also agree to the terms that you are morally obligated to make good on any one of these items should you ever meet us. Gimme!

1. Asian Male Calendars
Hotcha! This coming year, there’s even more foxylicious calendars to choose from: The Asian Men Redefined and the Asian Pacific Male calendars. And even better! Your shameless lustfuless will go towards a good cause. Asian Men Redefined will donate a portion of proceeds to the API Wellness Center — the oldest and largest nonprofit in North America focusing on sexual health and HIV/AIDS in A&PI communities. The APM Calendar (which features Yul Kwon) will give 100% of the production profits to the Asian Pacific Health Care Venture, a non-profit community health center that provides low cost medicine to the working poor and uninsured in over ten languages. Purchase APM here and Asian Men Redefined here. Dayum, if Mr. March were a president he’d be Baberaham Lincoln.

2. Red Cliff DVD (4 hour version)

Sweet Jesus how CBruhs loves her some epic period pieces. The ponytails, the swordfights, the capes — the glamour!! And Little Tony. Ooh! and Takeshi Kaneshiro. And looong movies that serve as a diversion from this pitiful, dreary existence. The longer the better. Released in the US this year, Red Cliff was only 2.5 hours long, while the original Asia release (and the most expensive Asian-financed film to date) is over four hours of unabridged glory. So someone better call up they uncle in HK or go down to Canal and Centre and score one from the dvdvdvdvdvdvdvd ladies. Plus it’s directed by John “Hard Boiled” Woo, and…do you really need another reason?

3. Sound Kapital: Beijing’s Music Underground


Du Wei of Overdose

Put this one on your list for that emo cousin obsessed with derivative, formulaic, crap white boy angst bands. Published by Brooklyn’s powerHouse Books and photographed by Matthew Niederhauser, Sound Kapital captures the innovative musical underground of Beijing. From hardcore to glam to bagpipe-accented punk, this counterculture often expresses dissatisfaction — and sometimes downright antagonism — with the rapidly shifting urban environment and the government. The pics of these individuals and bands are riveting, raw, refreshing, and each and every one of them looks like a complete badass. Comes with an amazing mix CD of the bands featured in the book, like Queen Sea Big Shark (who recently went on a US tour), Subs, and Carsick Cars. Listening to these bands feels like listening to rock in the mid-’90s. The tracks are earnest, innovative, unfiltered — and, far from a mere imitation of western styles — distinctly original. Buy here.

Not only can you read some of Alpha’s best posts from back in the day, but a portion of the proceeds benefit one of the following non-profits of your choosing:
5. Sulu Star Trek Action Figure
Cause who the heck DOESN’T want a fully posable, miniature John Cho? You can stuff his face with burgers, you can make him smoke from a mini pipe, you can have other Asian action figures murder him in a Barbie Malibu Fullerton Dream House, or you can have him make out with a Black Barbie doll. The point is, you can have John Cho all to yourself this Christmas. Just don’t dress him up like a chef.

6. Star Wars x Adidas Collabo

What Luke wore while flying low through the Death Star in his X-Wing and a Darth Vader Hoodie (just add mask).

As if AZN needed more Star Wars gear in his closet, Adidas decides to do a collabo with Star Wars. There’s a line of shoes inspired by AT-AT’s, Yoda, Stormtroopers and Darth Vader. Apparel to match as well. Sneaka freaks and Star Wars geeks alike, check out all the picts at sneakerfreaks.com. Thanks ePanda!

Monthly Racism Round-Up: November Edition

1. Minarets in Switzerland:

In an attempt to do a war reenactment of the Crusades (this time through zoning and design review), Switzerland just voted on officially banning the construction of minarets in the country (57.5% of voters supported it).

Neutral my ass. They don’t mind holding Nazi money for safe-keeping but an architectural feature that symbolizes Islam is no good? Thanks Switzerland, I am no longer going to mistake a Swede for a Swiss or Switzerland for Sweden anymore cause Swedes don’t hate Muslims like your impartial asses do:

Sweden’s foreign minister, Carl Bildt, whose country holds the rotating presidency of the European Union, described the vote as “an expression of quite a bit of prejudice and maybe even fear.”

(via Goatmilk)

2. If You’re a Brown Kid Gone Missing, You’re S.O.L.:

Francisco Hernandez, a NYC boy with Asperger’s syndrome, went missing for 11 days in the subway system.  The boy’s mother feels the NYPD were negligent on the case because she is a Mexican immigrant (sadly, this would fit into a long history of lack of priority and media coverage for missing brown children), and asked how her son went unnoticed for so long despite surveillance cameras and a police search. Francisco rode the trains and survived on water and snacks — someone get this kid a spot on “Survivor”!

Thanks Sherdizz!

3. Black Actors Disappear:

When the film Couples Retreat was marketed in the UK, the actors playing the African American couple – Kali Hawk and Faizon Love- were cut out of the promo posters. True, maybe these actors have the least “star power” in Britain, and the studio was trying to make the poster appear less cluttered. Nonetheless this move resulted in a PR disaster after Universal was flooded with complaint letters and negative UK press coverage for this racial slight. US and UK versions:

Thanks SherDizz!

4. If The Buddha Was A Fundraiser

OK, maybe this article by a consultant at Management Assistance Group isn’t outright overt racism, but it’s at least highly annoying/mildly offensive. I actually got this forwarded to me at work.

Now, I realize there’s a whole “WWJD” market out there….but would it be deemed appropriate to send out an article entitled:  “If Our Lord and Savior Jeebus Kryst Was a Fundraiser?” Or, “If the Pope Was a Fundraiser?” Or Yahweh?

Yes, I realize this intentions of the author are good and the article is about generosity and raising resources in the nonprofit sector blah de blah, but still. Our religion and Buddha’s image have been so commodified that apparently he can be invoked by non-Buddhists to help them with their workplace conundrums. Is nothing sacred? Guess not, as long as it’s not your religion (and if you picked it up in college during World Theologies 101 or from a weekend meditational retreat, that doesn’t count). If we can’t talk about God in the workplace, then Buddha should be off-limits too…or is he not enuf of a heavy-hitter in the holy who’s who for white people to treat Buddhism with true respect, rather than with flippant hokeyness or convenience?

October Monthly Racism Round-Up: Dallas and Halloween

Is that a Spanish speaking translator behind him, cause then this picture should also be listed under ironic as well as Dallas is filled with racist fucking rednecks

Is that a Spanish speaking translator behind him, cause then this picture should be listed under "ironic" as well as "Dallas is filled with racist fucking rednecks"

As if Texas needs anymore news like this to perpetuate California’s stereotype of the hillbilly, redneck, build a big ass wall along the Rio Grande cause I’m the GD state of Texas! But it looks like Dallas Texas did just that. Apparently they’ve been writing up “Don’t Speak English” tickets (good thing they don’t give tickets for bad grammar in Cali) for the past 3 years as a ticket-able offense. It isn’t (for regular drivers).  I don’t know how those yokels thought they could get away with that. I would say these MFer’s would get their asses kicked when they travel abroad to Thailand or Spain and get yelled out for screaming “WHAT THE FUCK! HOW COME NO ONE IN THIS GOD DAMN COUNTRY SPEAKS A GOD DAMN LICK OF AMERICAN!” But you know, as well as I do, these MFer’s wouldn’t go as far as the downtown Dallas P.F. Chang’s.

Speaking of being as American as Texas is, check out the second most controversial Halloween costume this year (after Kate Gosselin’s blond wig):

IllegalAlientHalloweenCostume

Buycostumes.com, with the sale of their “Illegal Alien” costume (“he didn’t just cross a border, he crossed a galaxy!”), perpetuates the idea of undocumented immigrants as foreign, criminal, inhuman, and well, as you can see, it’s just some straight fucked up racism. Pro-immigration advocates were up in arms over it, and thanks to their actions, the costume was pulled from the shelves of Target, Toys R Us, Amazon.com, Walgreens, and other retailers.

The bad news is, the costume is still available directly from BuyCostumes.  United Farmworkers of America has started a Twitter campaign to remove the costume from their site @ http://act.ly/pm. The CEO of BuyCostumes.com, Jalem Getz, insisted that “it’s not a caricature of illegal immigrants, it’s a play on words”. Uh huh. Great article on offensive costumes here. I know as Halloween approaches, we’ll all be bracing ourselves for another lovely year of ethnic dress-up ass-clownery like this and this. If only we could get this garbage pulled from the shelves too.