Blood Bath! Steven Ho Gets Gruesome on Conan

stevenbloodbath

Happy World Goth Day to all us dark-souled, black-hearted ghouls & gremlins! FOREVER ALLOOOOONNNE!!!

Keeping WGD in mind, it was good timing and tangentially relevant that BCB’s ol’ pally Steven Ho — despite having his arms full with real Asian baby twins (alas, Conan’s fake Asian Baby got raffled off on YouTube)  — walloped Conan with another action-packed plus BLOOD-DRENCHED appearance a couple days ago….and it literally GUSHED with gory goodness (sorry)!

If I had a quarter for every time someone said to me, “So, I’m gonna stick my sword inside you”….. I would have 50 cents. ANYHOO I learned a lot about how Hollywood works from watching these segments, including THIS awesome “dummy-soft-shoe-hand-punch-kick-to-the-face” trick (just watch, it will all make sense) and how they will serve you fake movie blood in a nice shot glass (FYI don’t swallow). Classy shit! Side note: WHO is that hawt stunt piece with the axe & the earring?? (good band name). Yowza. Talk about gettin that blood pumping.

As always, Steven Ho kills it…and You Will Know Him By the Trail of Dead left in his grisly wake…Good Stuff! Great Fun! Uh, I mean….the victims have been bled…strewn with time’s dead flowers…bereft in deathly bloom

Thanks Steven!

 

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PHEW: Fresh Off the Boat Might Actually Be Good and Not Offend Us All

Just when I thought the ABC adaptation of Eddie Huang’s Fresh Off the Boat autobiography (BCB Book Review HERE) could end up as the next All American Girl… Surprise, surprise, we get a respectable Asian American version of Chris Rock’s Everybody Hates Chris. Set in the 90s in Orlando just like the book (PLEASE GOD DO NOT CHANGE ANYTHING SIGNIFICANT FROM THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY) and starring a kid who might be a bit too skinny to be a young Eddie Huang, F.O.B. looks like one of those shows that’ll make you think you’re laughing at Asian folks, when in fact you’re laughing at Asian folks making fun of white people. The line between funny or racist is a dangerous and ambiguous one (see any NBC sitcome vs any CBS sitcom), and I don’t always condone Asian American actors doing really really really really bad fake Taiwanese accents, but this shit was based on the life and times of the great Eddie Huang, so calm down folks, and YES I know those are terrible Taiwanese accents. And if anything, they should have learned how to do some real Taiwanese accents, maybe not view a creepy Youtube tutorial on how to do a Taiwanese accent, but maybe learn from a vocal coach or something. (By the way, if you’re Asian American and your parents don’t have accents, you’re probably not reading BCB anyway. YEA I SAID IT.)

It really is going to be glorious watching Eddie rocking the 90s Orlando Magic Starter jackets and rolling around with a Walkman full of Wu-Tang. And the fact that its set in the 90s alone is going to make this show the beast that I know it can be. At a time where the one-camera, well-written, witty comedy is king, this show has the chance to go far. PLUS extra props for picking the hilarious Gov. Danny Chung from VEEP to be the dad and the super hot Constance Wu who’s role as an Asian American mom trying to fit in with the Real Housewives of Orlando could be a sitcom in itself. Here’s hoping for future-past flash forwards with Eddie Huang cameos cause a narration might not be enough. And I’m esp looking forward the very special episode: waiting in line at Foot Locker for Jordans episode.

EXTRA EXTRA: NEW FALL LINE UP MEANS JOHN CHO IS BACK FOR A NEW PILOT:

Yes this looks really bad. And what the F is up with Asian American actors on TV being forced to have Anglo names? Does John Cho look like a Henry Higgins? Does Lucy Lu have to be JOAN Watson in Elementary? Couldn’t she be Watson Chen? Wouldn’t that be more realistic?