America’s Porn Searches by Fetish, by State, and by Duration

I’m a big fan of infographics and this one may be the most fascinating one yet. Now we know what people are searching for on Pornhub (I’d probably say its THE most popular site for free, and paid, porn on the web) — and it’s aggregated BY STATE!

Now we know which states are into the most deviant shit (I’m looking at you Colorado, Kansas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Tennessee, West Virginia; AKA the “Cream Pie” Belt), the most strangest stuff (“Anita Queen” is what-now, Nevada?), the most puzzling (Kentucky and “hentai”? Really?), the most indecisive (I’m looking at you “compilation” lovers), the most “Ebony”-loving Southern states (Yay Civil Rights(?)) and the most inexplicable (Mississippians’ site visit durations last the longest AND they’re most  into “teen” porn? That just seems wrong). Take a look at the map and go deeper (pun intended) into the statistical analysis (pun intended) here. The following is further commentary from AzN and Cbruhs in case you wanted to know what we think of “smoking”, “creampies” and the “ebony” loving south.

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Cbruhs: Hahaha “Asian” in Washington and California! “Hentai” in Kentucky LOLZ. And WTF is “Anita Queen”?

AzN: We are PROUD to be from Washington and California…I guess? Californians are into: “Asian”, “Teen”, “Massage”? Putting them all together is really really wrong tho. And I have no idea what “Anita Queen” is. I’m afraid to google it. Maybe it means “I need a QUEEN?”

Cbruhs: Just googlied it. I guess its a person?

AzN: Remind me never to visit any of the “compilation” or “creampie” states ever again. There must be a reason why they are also my least favorite states. And now I know why.

Cbruhs: WTH is “compilation”?

AzN: I don’t know. But if I were to guess, it’s a “compilation” of one thing that’s snippets from several scenes… For the quantity over quality types. (editor’s note: I totally know what “compilation” means)

Cbruhs: I just googled “cream pie” and it was not what I thought it was and I also threw up in my mouth then cried a little.

AzN: That’s just how you make babies! Or so I read on WebMD.

Cbruhs: Interesting that Utah has no data on this map. I heard that they’re the state that watches the most porn (Mormons). Also, Wyoming is into “smoking”? I don’t even wanna know. Dare we google it? Also, there are a LOT of “cream pie” states. I’m pretty terrified.

AzN: Maybe people are searching for “smoking” cause they don’t know what it is. (editor’s note: I totally know what this means too).

Cbruhs: Gawd, “Cream pie” must be the biggest euphemism ever.

AzN: It’s pretty literal dude. Its kinda a sick word now that I think about it. “CREAM PIE”.

Cbruhs: NO! IT’S NOT LITERAL! It is NOT a yummy treat! So…”smoking” is just people smoking while doing it? Wow, Wyoming is pretty tame compared to its neighbors.

AzN: It’s probably the worst porn on that list.

Cbruhs: I guess that depends on one’s definition of “worst”.  And smoking while doing it just sounds dangerous. ¡PERO CUIDADO! Don’t burn the house down!

AzN: Why is South Dakota the only state into “POV” (point of view) porn? Is it cause their daily lives are boring so they need to watch porn through someone else’s eyes?

Cbruhs: …

AzN: And Alabama, Georgia, and Louisiana are the only states into “ebony” porn? I would connect this to the 50th anniversary of the “I Have a Dream” speech somehow, but I don’t want to go to hell.

Cbruhs: You’ve crossed the line.

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Dis/orient/ed Comedy is coming to SAN FRANCISCO!

SF-disoriented-LINE-BRIDGE1

BCB buddy Jenny Yang & Co from Dis/orient/ed Comedy are coming to the YAY! WOOTS!

BCB cheapskates readers can get a discount — and stay tuned to our Tweetsies and bookFace for a chance to win FREE tickets!

AZN may also be there representing Bicoastal Bitchin as a community sponsor/comedian stalker — see if you can spot him and engage in a squeefest over the featured comedians and K-Dramas. More Deets below:

What’s all female, all Asian and all funny? Dis/orient/ed Comedy is bringing their first-ever all female, Asian American stand up comedy tour to San Francisco with TWO DIFFERENT SHOWS in a single night, Saturday, September 7th, 2013 at the Southside Theater at the Fort Mason Center in the Marina District! 

Use “BITCH” as your discount code to purchase pre-sale tickets at http://disorientedcomedy.com for $12 tickets.  The San Francisco shows are expected to sell out so be sure to purchase your tickets online.

—–THE COMICS—–
7PM SHOW
+ HEADLINER: D’LO – INTERNATIONAL TOURING PERFORMER
+ FEATURING:
KYLE MIZONO – SUPER SERIOUS SHOW, EDINBURGH FRINGE
SHANTI CHARAN – SF WEEKLY BEST OF 2012,
IRENE TU – CHICACO WOMEN’S FUNNY FESTIVAL, LAUGH FACTORY
+ HOSTS:
ATSUKO OKATSUKA – PRETTY FUNNY WOMEN, DIS/ORIENT/ED COMEDY
JENNY YANG – SHOWTIME’S “WHY WE LAUGH: FUNNY WOMEN”, DIS/ORIENT/ED COMEDY

9:30PM SHOW
+ HEADLINER: D’LO – INTERNATIONAL TOURING PERFORMER
+ FEATURING:
DHAYA LAKSHMINARAYANAN – SUPER SERIOUS SHOW, EDINBURGH FRINGE
KRISTEE ONO – PUNCHLINE, COBB’S, PURPLE ONION
ZAHRA NOORBAHKSH – HOLLYWOOD FRINGE FEST, NEW YORKER MAGAZINE “BEST OF THE FEST”
+ HOSTS:
ATSUKO OKATSUKA – PRETTY FUNNY WOMEN, DIS/ORIENT/ED COMEDY
JENNY YANG – SHOWTIME’S “WHY WE LAUGH: FUNNY WOMEN”, DIS/ORIENT/ED COMEDY

A portion of the proceeds from the show will benefit BEATS FOR BANGLADESH! A benefit album in solidarity with the garment workers of Rana Plaza.

DEETS!:
Dis/orient/ed Comedy SAN FRANCISCO
Saturday, September 7th, 2013 (2 Different Shows) 7PM Show & 9:30PM (Doors Open 30 minutes before showtime for pre-show refreshments)
Southside Theater at Fort Mason Center (Marina District) 2 Marina Blvd, San Francisco, CA 94123
Tickets Purchase: http://disorientedcomedy.com
Dis/Orient/ed’s mission is to highlight the powerful and funny voices of Asian American female comedians – emphasizing the diversity of comedic talent as wide-ranging as a Japanese former import car model, a high-energy South Asian transgender boi, and an Egyptian-American female grouch.
Shoutout to our fellow co-sponsors:
+Angry Asian Man +Hyphen Magazine +National Asian Pacific American Women’s Forum (NAPAWF) Bay Area +Audrey Magazine +Thick Dumpling Skin +Chinese Historical Society of America Museum +TaiwaneseAmerican.org

Phoenix Makes a Music Video to Please Korean Drama Fan(s)

As a fan of Phoenix and Korean dramas, I realize I’m a very tiny itsy bitsy niche overlap that connects this Venn diagram. But I could not have asked for a weirder and more obscure video from Phoenix. I really hate the typical rock band’s LIVE AT [insert midwestern town name here] so to see some Asian American actors get to reenact the best moments that never happened in K-drama history: “look back and smile”? CHECK! “die in someone’s arms?” CHECK! “just plain running?” CHECK! You’re talking to a guy who likes Korean movies named SUNNY and SAD MOVIE so I might not be the best judge on this, so please check it out yourself:

JT Takes Over Chinatown

FRESHLY back from an amazing Legends of the Summer concert at Candlestick featuring Jay”-“Z and Justin Timberlake, AzN is high as a kite and was looking forward to ANY news, video, audio, hair samples from the new new new King of Pop: JT. Alas, that’s when this video came out:

Since the video was shot at the Yankee Stadium leg of the tour and features NYC Chinatown in all of its Oriental glory, I decided to reserve judgement and allow Cbruhs to comment. What proceeds is a highly edited for content version of our brief email exchange because I didn’t want too many curse words and wanted to minimize the amount of unabashed JT MAN LOVE I show pretty much all the time.

AzN: Check out where the new JT video was filmed. Gonna just tweet it unless you wanted to add something like OH I LIVED AROUND THE CORNER!

Cbruhs: Gotta run some errands but will watch when i get back. UGH I hope this doesnt encourage more douchey hipster kids to come shit in chinatown as their cultural playground. Some of the old chinese-owned bars are now $15 cocktail places where white waitresses wear cheongsams and that NO CHINESE PPL go to or work at. It’s pretty disgusting

AzN: I’d be curious to see what you think. if it’s on a JT video, that means its beyond hipsterdom already.

Cbruhs: eh, looks like he’s in that overpriced hipster club i hate on doyers.  i think the vid still looks ridiculous…maybe most of all b/c “take back the night” is a well-known anti-rape campaign and foundation. i think overall it’s really not as terrible as a lot of other things i’ve seen (I’m looking at YOU dickbrains, DAY ABOVE GROUND) but still eyeroll-inducing b/c it’s the same ol’ exotification of chinatown/ethnic field trip stuff. especially how he walks through this “secret chinese passageway” where he knows everyone. yah right — out asian-ing the asians. at least he didn’t have some swooning asian girl on his arm (like that barftastic Heineken commercial). And to quoth my old roommate Char Char: “Oh GAAAAAWWWDDD”.

AzN: I saw the show last Friday and was disappointed there wasn’t much dancing on JT’s part and the dancing in this video looks pretty weird. Esp with these black and white shirts he keeps insisting on wearing…

Cbruhs: Totally, I thought his dancing was a bit underwhelming in this video too — it’s kinda funny when he’s trying to go all Fred Astaire on the like, 2 brokedown steps of the barbershop. Ha! There’s was probably some over-it Chinese dude waiting off to the side for JT to finish so he could open up shop and start the work day.  His shirt also makes my head hurt. JT’s hair, on the other hand, is laid like Murraaay’s.

AzN: I do however like how most of those storefronts are actually Vietnamese spots. VIETNAMTAKEOVER.

Cbruhs: If they really wanted to make an accurate day-in-the-life-of-doyers vid, they’d show an old dude in a wife beater on a cell phone with a cigarette dangling out of his mouth 86 a mangy chihuahua-sized rat by stomping it into a crack in the wall with his foot. Wearing SHOWER SHOES. true story. I witnessed it with my own eyeballs, as this man came to my rescue right after i saw the rat and screamed and scampered away like the soft ABC that i am. And this video would star Jin tha MC and Eddie Huang and yo gramma. Now that’s “Taking it Back”.

AzN: ANYWAYS, I should probably mention at this point that I already bought tickets to the newly added San Jose show that just came out this morning. OHLOOKISTHATLEVYTRANOVERTHERE?