X Factor’s Johnny Robinson Kylie Geisha WTF Tribute

When I first watched this clip, I was totally rooting for Johnny Robinson — a contestant on the X-Factor UK. His snappy gold-breasted blazer/space hooker fashions, bitchy comebacks (“It costs a lot to look this cheap, Gary”), and inability to understand Twitter (also note the one-fingered typing) endeared him to my own catty, technololology-challenged heart. Plus, he was gonna do a Kylie cover, you guys! That is, until I saw the actual performance:

Oh, hell. This old queen went and pulled an Aneka! What is it about Kylie’s music that led Johnny to make this um, artistic choice, exactly? As far as the Oriental-ized backup dancers, I don’t think tippy-toeing around with palms pressed together and flapping a fan around their faces like they’re in a production of Madame Butterfly should count as legit choreography. And the eyeliner looks like it was smeared on with an old Sharpie. How I wish Johnny had just tried to re-create the costumes from the original version, tits out and all:

Much better.

Although, if there is one redeeming quality to this cringefest, it’s Johnny hollerin out “VOGUE!” at the end.

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