All My College Sports Knowledge Comes from AzNs from Pac-12 Schools

In response to the Fox News segment below, which mocks Asian American students by asking uninformed college kids about the recent addition of Colorado and Utah into the Pac-10 Pac-12, I would like to copy/paste fellow Cal Alumni Ben’s rant on the ever expanding Pac-12. Everything Pac-12 related I talk over with a few of my friends from Cal (who are all Asian Americans) and the level of discussion, however vulgar, has always been highly articulate and all parties very knowledgeable. We may not have won a Rose Bowl this century, but we sure do know every detail of Cal/Pac-12 football, from what Marshawn Lynch’s mother looks like in person (she was always rooting the loudest at Memorial Stadium) to which jr college player Coach Tedford was recruiting when he visited Butte College and found Aaron Rodgers (Garrett Cross) or which schools have the hottest cheerleaders (I’m not gonna answer this one).

So to Fox Sports Net and Fox News in general. Fuck you, glad you cancelled the POS show this broadcasted on. And next time, you should hire Ben here to rant on one of your shows cause he knows more about the sports and the football than Bob Oschat on any given Saturday (and USC on Thursday this year).  And I assure you, Ben is Asian.

(Note. this email is in response to AzN’s suggestion that if the Pac-12 expands to 16 by adding Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Texas and Texas Tech, we should have 2 divisions, determined solely by academics. Kind of a joke. And that USC should be in a conference that includes Stanfurd, Cal, Washington, UCLA, Utah, and Texas. An even bigger joke. Big mistake on my part, cause I received one of Ben’s infamous rants):

i refuse to put USC in the “academic” division.  fuck SC.  if that’s not a frat party school, then Berkeley is no better than the 22nd university in the nation.  oh, wait:

well fuck you too, US News.  they ranked USC #23, right behind us.  WOW.  whatever.  USC’s in the frat division.

otherwise, i hear you, 16 Pac teams would be weird as hell at best.  the upside would be that we could tell the SEC to stop fondling themselves all the time.  and then beat their asses in the Bowl Season (well, except for Oregon.  thanks, Oregon.  LSU, Auburn, Ohio State, Boise State, and then Boise State again the year before.  way to really hold down the fort during your big out of conference matchups, you fucking pussies.  honorary mention also to Oregon State, UCLA, and “why the hell are you in our league” Colorado.  really, awesome week 1 work, fellas.  that’s fantastic.  we all deeply appreciate it.  and SC and UW, you’re fucking LUCKY, you hear me?  pick it the fuck up so that it helps us more when we beat your little asses.)

anyway, god i hate Texas.  i mean, i fucking HATE them.  remember when Mack Brown hit the campaign trail to steal the Rose Bowl from Aaron Rodgers and Jeff MacArthur?  i’m not sure why i put that interrogative in the rhetorical–i mean, it was 2004.  my point is that i’m torn.  tons of money from the Longhorn nation would be pretty sweet–depending on the year, my hatred for the SEC is right up there with how much i hate Texas, Stanford, USC, the Big 10, Notre Dame, Miami, Florida State, and Urban Meyer, and Austin money would help us bury the SEC like the dogs they are.  oh, i forgot Bob Stoops and his “i think there might be crap in my pants” face he makes when they’re getting railed in another BCS game.

 back to what i was saying, would Texas in the Pac 16 mean that i’d have to try to root for Texas when they were playing out of conference?  i kind of like a team like 2010 UCLA showing up and knocking those fucks around in Austin randomly every few years–having three teams to hate the hell out of in my own conference might get a little overwhelming.  do you know how hard it is to root for Stanford or USC just because they happen to be playing Notre Dame or some fuck SEC team?  i don’t know how many complicated gaps like this i can negotiate.  

obviously it’d be weird to have teams in TX and OK in the “Pacific” division, but a bigger question is what the broader consequences would be.  everyone whines about how there’s no NCAA Football playoff, but what i haven’t heard anyone really talk about is how the BCS has basically paved the way for two major conferences every year.  that’s all there’s room for, dude.  you know how i know that?  because the fucking SEC gets like 4 teams into a BCS game every year while a couple of undefeated small conference schools get fucked just as bad as we did in 2004 when we had a once-in-a-generation QB on our squad and Mack Brown’s sleazy penis in our ass.  before the BCS, the Pac 10 and Big 10 were set in stone because no matter how many bribes those SEC fucks bought to win AP and USA Today poll votes to win end-of-season rankings, we still had the Rose Bowl and they could go fuck themselves.  now that those same bribed voters are the ones who get to pick Texas over a stacked 2004 Cal team that was a first and goal away from beating a #1 ranked SC in an otherwise undefeated season and send them to the Rose Bowl instead, what’s the fucking point of being in the Pac 10?  Oregon got fucked into the Holiday Bowl in 2005, a year after we did, because like us their only loss was to a #1 ranked USC and yet that wasn’t good enough to get them into the BCS.

so why not form a macro conference like the SEC?  what’s the point of holding to any sense of tradition whatsoever when there’s about a billion BCS dollars at stake?  i don’t know WHAT the hell would happen if the Pac 12 got Texas and Oklahoma on their way to the Pac 16.  what the fuck would the Big 10, Big 12 scraps, ACC, MAC, WAC, Big East and whoever the fuck else, what would they do?  they’d get steamrolled by the 16 team mega-conferences every year.  but why would TX or OK hold out and keep the Big 12 together?  the Pac 16 option makes WAY more sense.  i’d go so far to say that it’s inevitable, if not next year then maybe a few years from now, whatever.  goddamnit.  this is depressing.  fuck!  

One thought on “All My College Sports Knowledge Comes from AzNs from Pac-12 Schools

  1. Hahaha! Glad Ben’s rants have been granted the forum they so deserve. You’re welcome, interwebs!

    Btw, Fox should have called their segment “Sports? What is?”


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