Dear Asian Client, Please Cover Up Those Slanted Eyes. Sincerely, Your Publicist

This thought crossed my mind whenever a new Far East Movement video came out. Back in the day I would roll up to what I thought was a Mountain Brothers show a Far East Movement show on campus and see them perform looking like this:

But over the past few years, every time they came out with a new video: Rocketeer, Like a G6, Girls on the Dance Floor, they looked like this:

Do you see the difference? Sure, these guys are my age older than your average new pop artist and probably need sunglasses to cover up all the wrinkles they accumulated from studying for the bar exam, but I’m gonna call conspiracy on this because that’s what BcB does. I’m gonna go right out a say it:

Publicists and Ad Execs are Putting Asians in Media, Print/Online/TV/Video, Only if They Cover Their Eyes Up with Sunglasses!

How sure am I of this theory? After my friend sent me this video of a Heineken ad because there’s an Asian guy partying with two white girls and another white guy, I was pretty sure about my theory. Sure the white guy has on sunglasses too, but he don’t have on some thick, dark Ray Ban lenses like my Asian brother.

You’re gonna call this a stretch, I know. But now that I’ve Incepted the seed into your brain, you’re gonna notice more and more Asian dudes on TV wearing sunglasses. And yes, I said Asian dudes because I don’t think this is happening to women. Just Google “Kelly Hu Sunglasses” or “Grace Park sunglasses” and you’re not going to find an official photo of either Asian American beauty in a magazine wearing sunglasses. Google “John Cho sunglasses” and you get this magazine photoshoot:

This shit screams Complex photoshoot based on the font alone

and this red carpet event:

John Cho's publicist in the limo with him, just before the red carpet, Shauna Roberts-Vinnie Chase style: "You better cover up them eyes John! Ladies don't wanna see John Cho the corner store grocer's son, they want Lieutenant Commander Harold Lee"

Conspiracy? Maybe. Pattern? Definitely. So either subconsciously, publicists in Hollywood and ad agency execs in Manhattan are setting up an effort to cover up our eyes. Or I’m being paranoid. Either way, don’t look at my Facebook page for further evidence, cause I’m wearing my Ray Bans or Asian Fit Oakleys in 80% of the photos… Paranoid.

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