Oklahoma: Trying Its Hardest to be the Next Arizona

Between an OK state rep saying minorities earn less because they don’t work as hard and the OK House just approving a “state gospel song“, I don’t know why anyone in their right mind would want to go live in the 1800’s Sooner State.

Condragulations to Raja!

The season finale of the “Olympics of Drag” (and the highlight of my week) aired last night. It was down to the final three queens: Alexis Mateo, Raja, and Manila Luzon, including two Asian Americans (Manila and Raja). Although honestly, while I was rooting for Raja and Manila at the start of the season, I switched my vote to Alexis Mateo.

Alexis, in addition to being ridiculously talented and funny (“The bigger the the hair the closer to god”) — is just so frickin genuine, positive, and sweet. With the best catchphrase ever: “BAM!”

And I know we’re talking about drag queens here, but Raja and Manila were on a serious Mean Girls tip. While the pair were obviously fierce, gifted, and glamorous, they were not very nice people. They called the other contestants “boogers” and generally acted like high school snobs, dubbing themselves “The Heathers”.

1st runner-up Manila had some awesome conceptual outfits (Big Bird, pineapple) and can lip sync the hell out of a number, but her reliance on an Asian shtick and pidgin accents got tiresome.

Raja, a self-professed “runway girl” — definitely OWNS the catwalk and had a innovative take on the challenges, but I personally prefer the kind of drag that’s not about who can look the most gorgeous or most high fashion, but who can genderfuck, provoke, and entertain your ass off. But maybe Drag Race is proving to just not be the forum for this type of campy and subversive drag (i.e. it ain’t no Starrbooty).

In any case, while not my first pick, Raja is indeed an all-around Badass, and says she wants to use her win as an example for kids that have felt like social misfits. Yes, Ma’am! Chanté!

Mondega + Bambu = Music for the People

Peep the new Mondega & Bambu video: “Music for the People”. And cop the new album titled “Food, Clothing and Love” set for release on April 28th. Don’t forget to listen to the lyrics or else you’re missing the whole point of hip hop.

Friday Fuckery: 3D Sex and Zen

I’m not a big fan of PRONS (shocking!) except the ones that parody political candidates (Nailin’ Palin) or cultural icons (Keni Styles in Bruce Lee XXX). But the new Hong Kong 3-D soft porn Sex and Zen: Extreme Ecstasy seems less skeevy and more um…”picturesque” (trailer passably SFW):

3D Sex and Zen: Extreme Ecstasy (maybe something’s lost in translation here, or I’m just old-fashioned and don’t think the word “extreme” should be paired with nookytimes) is based on a classic novel about the sexual exploits of a Ming Dynasty scholar. Plus it’s a lush costume drama set in ancient-times, which particularly rouses my pantaloons.

From Zoe Li’s review in CNNGo: “I walked out of the first private screening never wanting to have sex again, not because the sex scenes were gross… but because its message of ‘true love doesn’t need sex’ was so convincing”.  Li describes Sex and Zen as a “campy comedic sex romp” and “naughty good fun” with some outlandish violence thrown in for good measure. She adds: “If the sex is taken out, the movie remains a carnival ride of visual stimulation”. Also, she concludes: needs more penis.

3D Sex and Zen was released this month in Hong Kong (censored in China), South Korea, Australia, and New Zealand. It raked in a record $351,000 (HK $2,790,000) in Hong Kong on the first day alone, which beats Avatar‘s HK$2.5 million opening gross in 2009.

Sounds like the Hong Kong film industry has come up with a win-win formula here (besides pairing porn with 3D): erotica that entertains without making you feel too icky, by tying it all up with a wholesome, family-friendly message. And did I mention it is a PERIOD PIECE COSTUME DRAMA?

via Buzzfeed, and Wikipedia!

ABDC 6: Roll Call!

So the second episode of ABDC Season 6 aired last week, and we’ve been introduced to all 10 competing crews. They represent locations from all over the world, performed new dance styles rarely seen on TV, and Randy Jackson looks trimmer than ever! That’s all well and good, but what I really care about is…HOW MANY ASIANS ARE THERE?!

The following is a rundown/racial profile of all the dancers I perceive as being of API descent on this year’s season, plus some random commentary thrown in for bitchy measure. And if I get any of it wrong, I’M SORRY — the streaming on my computer from MTV.com no work so good.

ReQuest: Flying across the globe from New Zealand, this “all-Poly” female crew has the 2010-2011 World Hip Hop Dance Championship under their lamé belts. The MTV website says they “are a melting pot of many cultures, including Japanese, Chinese, Hawaiian and Portuguese”…hm, what about Māori or Samoan members? Anyhoo, they describe their style as “Poly-Swag” and take inspiration from Haka, a traditional Māori dance.  Also, best haircuts.

IaMmE (it took me 7 minutes to type that): From Houston, this crew has one Asian American member – Di “Moon” Zhang, a certified “Brain-Banger”.

Weh-helll, Moon can “bang” my…I better stop.

Street Kingdom: Remember that movie Rize that had dancing clowns in it and got every suburban kid in America thinking he could rip his shirt off and just WILD OUT on a homie? Well these guys (or maybe just Ceasare “Tight Eyez” Willis)  invented it! (It’s called Krumping, and it’s totally a hit at happy hour, I’ll have you know). Joseph “Lil B-Dash” Duenas and Mark “Streetnoize” Santiago are reppin for the Pinoys, I’m guessing.

Next are are the groups from the Ke$ha Trashbag Challenge — and she delivered messages to the crews herself (did anyone else notice that Ke$ha’s talking voice also cracks like an overexcited pubescent boy?).

Jag6ed: OK, I dunno if I’m open-minded enough to consider pole-dancing a legitimate dance. I mean I know there’s a Pole Dance Magazine now and its growing as a sports competition, but c’mon — it’s hard to look cool wearing a bedazzled leotard from a pre-teen jazz showcase and no shoes. I know y’all are buff as hell but you’re not wearing any pants. Just look:

As Jag6ed said: “There’s definitely no stripping”. Well you ARE in boy shorts and sports bras to practice, so you’re pretty much already nekkid. But I get it, these ladies are damn strong and probably have the upper body strength of a cage fighter. Now, what was I talking about? Oh yes, Asians. There is Jessica Agdeppa. She would have a fruitful career being an American Apparel model.

ICONic Boyz: Ok, I know there’s no Asians in this crew, but HOLY CHRIST where’d these toddlers come from?! I do feel they have an unfair advantage since bones are not fully formed at this age so they can be extra flexible like Gumbys and shit.

I want to adopt them, especially that little porky meatball Thomas Miceli with the shaved eyebrow. They are like mini-Guidos and it’s making my maternal instincts squeeeaaaal. The whole ab reveal thing kinda freaked me out tho. 7-year-olds should not have man-abs, and I should not be looking at those abs.

787 Crew: Also not Asian, but damn, how come the PR crews on ABDC are always so tragic? G.O.P from Season 3 were all homeless or something and got eliminated first episode, and this time dude broke his leg before the first show and there were waterworks all around. But, they do rank high on my molestation meter. I’m looking at you, Daniel “Phantom” Alberto Babilonia Torres.

Instant Noodles: This season’s all-AZN crew, from Los Angeles by way of Taiwan!  Although their performance was a little underwhelming, they already sold me with my favorite move of all time: the hair-comb – during the opening number. They have sweet pastel ‘fits and I’m a fan of their “eating noodles” hand sign (although not their Asian tourist peace sign). And yes, I want to molest. Alas, Instant Noodles got torn apart by judge D-Trix (Quest Crew), so we’ll see if they have staying power or whether they’ll drown in their own cute overload.

That’s that! Oh, and as always — shut up, Mario Lopez.

Jessie Jackson Jr Blames China, iPad for US Recession

This is the second time in one week I’ve heard a Blame China rant when the topic should be the US recession. Seriously folks, we’re going back into the Cold War with these lame arguments. I’d like everyone to read up on what country would fall apart first if China were to tumble (if you said the US, you get a free Cup o’ Noodle).

I guess I can SORT OF understand his argument about importing jobs, but seriously, does JJJ really want Foxconn in his congressional district? Last time I checked, INNOVATION was the American economic spirit, not INDUSTRIALIZATION. What is this, Manchester in the 1800’s? Apple brings jobs to the US, not the other way around. Apple is the FIRST American company to create a piece of electronic that other companies cannot copycat or outright copy. See Samsung. When I was in Hong Kong this year, I saw really frustrated people working the counter at Golden Computer Arcade in Sham Shui Po cause for the first time, there was a product that was all over the world that couldn’t be knocked off and profited from. The iPhone’s interface, iOS and apps cannot be copied. Sure you can get a phone that LOOKS like an iPhone (See Samsung), but every iPhone sold is bringing $ back to Cupertino, California. Which is, last time I checked in American (and hella Asian yo!). Oh, and Steve Jobs called, he wanted to thank you for buying an iPad. Cause buying a Galaxy Tab is un-American (ring ring. hello? Oh, what? Google makes Androids and Google is an American company in Mountain View, California? hella Asians yo!

Laser’d in the EYES

The best thing about being holed in my old room at my parents house after recovering from laser eye surgery is Netflix streaming. You would think living at home is like living in the Mission, cause there’s ethnic and health food downstairs. But its not. So you can imagine how excited I was to see my Netflix algorithm recommend The People I Slept With, starring the lovely Karin Anna Cheung. Maybe it based this on my five star rating for Harold and Kumar and 2 star rating for Jesus Camp? Next up, the second season of UK Skins.

PS. forgive me for my spelling errors. The world is blurry right now and my Mac screen looks like burning tears.