Guest post by Justin Woo (whom I asked to write a post-election piece, after watching his asshole-chapping slam poem about Nikki Haley)
Okay, so I’m all for more Asian representation damn near everywhere. Movies, TV, films – Though I’m not angry about the whole Last Airbender thing anymore because at least people can’t blame us for that crap now.
Oh wait. Shit.
But POC in the GOP bears way too much resemblance to a certain Dave Chappelle skit.
Which brings me to Nikki Haley. Not only is she a Republican, she’s a proud member of everyone’s least-favorite sect of xenophobic wackjobs, the Tea Party. Her birth name was Nimrata Randhawa, and she is/was an Indian Sikh. She used to play up her Sikh faith and Indian background as a state legislator, but during her gubernatorial run, she played up her conversion (at 24) to Methodism. Way to strike a blow for liberation, Nikki.
If you go to her website, you can see her lecturing on “economic prosperity” while standing in front of a palm tree at what looks like a country club. I’m particularly revolted when she starts talking about the 12% unemployment rate in her home state, then cites ever-popular, incredibly misleading “right to work” legislation to “keep the unions out” and gets applause. She also talks about passing “business friendly legislation” – which is secret conservo-code for “fuck the poor.” We’ve seen what business friendly legislation looks like, and it is NEVER good for working people, particuarly POC.
On the flip side, her rambling video about smashing abortion rights repeats the word “life” no less than six times in 41 seconds, revealing the dearth of ideas and logical arguments in this theocratic stance. But at least Nikki yaks in a much less enthusiastic way. Maybe because her womb is punching her in the gut for so eagerly ceding control of her body to the state? Who can say? She’s obviously an educated, well-spoken woman, despite her crazy ass ideas. I’m hoping on some level, she realizes what an insane stance she’s promoting here, and is only doing so to become a viable candidate in her zany party.
And speaking of that party – regarding Haley’s candidacy, South Carolina Republican state senator Jake Knotts said, “We’ve already got a raghead in the White House. We don’t need another raghead in the governor’s mansion.” That kind of speaks for itself, doesn’t it? Maybe Nikki Haley has some kind of secret urge to be beaten and humiliated, but that’s not properly “Christian” enough, so she gets her abuse by staying Republican instead. I don’t know.
But the cyanide cherry on top of the turd sundae is the fact that Nikki has received the “Strom Thurmond Excellence in Public Service and Government Award” from the “S.C. Federation of Republican Women.” I think the only thing more ironic than naming a good government award after Strom fucking Thurmond is giving it to a POC who, if Strom had his way, wouldn’t even be able to use the same bathroom as white women. I mean let’s be real here – this guy staged a 24 hour straight filibuster against the Civil Rights Act. If that’s your idea of good government, what the hell counts as bad government?
This comes to a larger issue – why is it that Asian Americans are only getting visibility in the most stupidly conservative positions? Why do they have to change their names to get elected? (Piyush “Bobby” Jindal, I’m looking at you!) Do we have to endorse the absolute worst, most racist kinds of American policies and ideas to get any kind of representation in the higher echelons of government?
The only comfort I get from this whole shitty situation is that my slam poem about Ms. Haley will be good for another 4 years at least. Then again, her moronic policies will probably ensure that her state remains piss poor with a higher-than-average-unemployment rate, and my Northern tax dollars will continue to flow into her big-government hating state.
Hey, Nikki – you can criticize us “tax and spend liberals” when you pay for your own fucking stop signs, okay?
Justin Woo is a writer, spoken word artist, theatre artist, and DJ in Jersey City, NJ. He writes cranky screeds with hopes of changing the world. Also, for the lolz.