Friday Fuckery: Halloween Edition

Once again, Samhain is upon us. Which means, in accordance with yearly tradition, I will select a costume based upon what already exists in my wardrobe. Last year, I was kid #4 of Jon & Kate Plus 8. Year before that, a Newsie (from the DISNEY movie, playa).

This year: Peg Bundy. I only had to buy the wig, light a Pall Mall, stuff my leopard-print bra, and I’m ready to roll. Easy-Peasy! I have yet to win any costume contests, but if they made a category for “Most Resourceful/Sadly Dresses Like a Fictional Character On An Everyday Basis Anyway”, I would sweep that shit.

Which is why I gotta give it up for these brothas and sistas who clearly put some effort and imagination into their costumes:

Okay, maybe that last one not so much. But it is a creative way to sidle up to some boobies all night.

Happy Halloween!

Thx Chuong, Ryan, AZN & Dizz!

via Buzzfeed and some buds

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John Lennon, Genetics Expert

Someone’s probably gonna murder me for this, but I was never a fan of the Beatles & Co. Maybe because my formative years were otherwise occupied with the sweet sounds of Paula Abdul, Another Bad Creation, and SWV… later to be complemented by a fixation on Nirvana, Depeche Mode, Hole, and the like. Hey, it was the ’90s (although they’ve all remained in my heavy rotation over the past 15 years).

Anyhoo, this means that I’m not influenced by a background of Lennon-reverence, and I did always find some of the John & Yoko stuff, however “iconic”, still a bit overbearing and gross:

Same with this angry letter John wrote to a laundromat on Mrs. Yoko Ono Lennon’s behalf:

Yeah, I understand it was like 40 years ago and people weren’t as informed that Dude, Oriental is not the preferred nomenclature — Asian American, please. Nonetheless, his stance that Orientals DO! NOT! SWEAT! is pretty hilarious. ‘Cuz Lennon knows Orientals. He sleeps with one! A magical creature with no smelly, offensive glands of any sort, in accordance with the biology of her race. Maybe your white shirt is yellow because Yoko just pitted it out for real, guy. No excuses needed.

via Dlisted

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Dear Andy Lau,

I know you’re a big fan of quantity over quality. But in the time it took to make Future X-Cops (including special effects), you could have easily made another random romantic comedy about chefs or a double disc live album. Someone needs to redub this movie to make some sense of this. Cause it felt like the translator was using a Canto to Engrish Google Ap for the subtitles.

BCB Profilin’: Mondega

Yesterday AzN reviewed Asian American rapper Mondega‘s latest LP For the People. Mondega was gracious enough to complete a BCB Profilin’ and give us a glimpse into his values system, what has shaped him, and why he’s one of the fastest rising rappers out there.

Greetings, I am…

Mondega for the people, also known as self proclaimed “Best Asian Rapper Alive”. I am a hip hop artist based in Raleigh, North Carolina with listeners/supporters throughout the U.S. and overseas.

I’ve been known to bitch about…

Vietnam’s oppressive government getting rich off stealing the Montagnards, in other words “Dan Thoc”, Indigenous and “minority” people’s ancestral lands for Bauxite and Coffee exports.

Our people have been stripped of our cultural identity, language, religion and rights as equal citizens of Vietnam. In other words we ARE the “niggas of Asia.” Is it because we’re brown skin? Are we less human? How can we Asian Americans complain about racism, when racism exists within our own culture?

Throughout our history, the Montagnard people have never been conquerors or people of war, but we’ve been enslaved, used and manipulated by many. Even before French and American occupation, our people have been raped, tortured and murdered by the Vietnamese people and government. It’s not just history. It’s happening today! In Vietnam, there is no such thing as a fair trial. If someone tell you that there is, either, they are one of those wannabe socialists without a realistic view on the human element or they are working for the government, period. Look at Cambodia for example, the Killing Fields is only half of the story. Here’s where I come in.

The communist, and militant regimes of Southeast Asia have been killing indigenous people and minorities for decades and no one gives a fuck about it! Look at Burma for example and the plight of the Karen peoples. Some people have been in refugee camps so long, they no longer speak their native tongue. Volunteering at a human rights organization, stacks and stacks of immigration paperwork’s lay, waiting for young, educated volunteers to help translate and fill them out, but where are we? too busy clubbing? Partying? Smoking, drinking and wasting our lives away?

I use hip hop as a tool to reach out to the youths, because we are the future. I don’t have the power to fight the entire government and change the world, but i will do whatever it takes to raise an army of young, intelligent minds to takeover the callings of today and tomorrow. I’m not saying that I’m perfect, but at least i acknowledge the issues and strive to do better, as a voice for change. Through hip hop, i can speak more bluntly. You’ll see what i mean on the next album.

I tell people “I Am The Best Asian Rapper Alive”, and because of that, the Asian Hip Hop community is not too fond of me. They’re listening. I know they are. They are anxious to hear what i have to say, but too proud to call me their own. I don’t know, i guess the things i rap about is not an easy pill to swallow, especially when we’re trying to be accepted by “the man”. I could careless. My dad once told me “what’s right is not always popular and what’s popular is not always right.” I’m going to let Bicoastal-Bitching be the witness, as i quote “I don’t give a fuck if i piss these wannabe rappers and so called superstars off, fuck feelings, i don’t give a fuck about you, you or you! Cause at this point and time, i do not care about your clubby beats, gimmick lines and rhymes about the streets, hoes, clothes and money. I’ve been in the streets, i sold drugs, i robbed lame fucks like ya’ll, but it’s time for a change, i fucked more women than you can imagine, but that’s  not what it’s about! I was in the hood today selling cds to real gangsters in the streets! Where ya’ll at? When i say “I do this for the people”, i mean it. It’s up to you to hate it or love it, but either way, i stood up for what i believed in.”

Because of colonialism, foreign influences,  and Vietnam’s greedy, ignorant and down right contradictive policies, innocent indigenous men, women and children live without food, clothing, shelter and suffer daily. They live without the freedom of religion, speech or assembly. In America, there are laws in place, such as “eminent domain”, where citizens are compensated if the state seizes their property, but in Vietnam’s case, they will take your land, burn down your homes, imprison your folks and you will not get anything in return. Not a penny, not a payment plan, not a job application, nothing! So what are we left to do? Blow up buildings and hope for a change? Brothers and sisters, i hear your cries, i’m doing the best i can. I’m just a young, ex-drug dealer trying to change my life… bare with me for a sec.

I think the most frustrating part of it all is that we, as Americans, allow this to happen. I mean, we ARE the main buyers of Vietnam’s exports. Where are you at Obama? But then again, it’s not really up to him. Its in the hands of “best interests”, right? During the Vietnam war, the Montagnard people stood alongside Americans on the frontlines, yet our fathers receive nothing but years of torture, imprisonment and receive no veteran benefits. Now that our people need America to step in and help us, no one listens. Like Pac said, i’m tired of knocking on the door beggin’ for food, i’m picking the locks and coming in blastin’!

I’m very concerned about our community. We are so caught up in this life that we forgot who we are and where we came from. At this rate, we will no longer have a language or culture  of our own. We’re too busy trying to be accepted by the white and black world we live in, in other words, we are voluntarily walking into our own self destruction. Our families brought us to America to live a better life and bring freedom back home, not to extort one another, die in the streets or fly back home in handcuffs. Wake up!

My influences are…

Nas, Common, 2pac, Snacky Chan, Bambu, Thai, Lac Su, Aung San Suu Kyi, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Elijah Muhammad and many, many more…

On a Saturday night you can find me….

Meeting different people and selling CDs.

On a Tuesday night you can find me…

Meeting different people and selling CDs.

My usual drink/poison is….

Heineken.

If I was a superhero my name would be…

“MYSELF”

The last song/album I listened to is…..

Snacky Chan – “I feel sorry for your mother”

I have a borderline unhealthy obsession with…

Newports and ganja

Favorite thing to do in L.A. and Raleigh, NC….

My favorite thing to do in LA is going to different parts of the city and trying different food from every hood. My favorite thing to do in Raleigh is kicking it the homies that i grew up with, drinking Heinekens with the O.G.’s, spending time with my girl, making music and basketball.

Free Association time! First word I think of after “Asian America”:

Divided

My weapon of choice is….

i don’t want to say it, so I’ll just say a microphone.

Be sure to check out my…

album “FOR THE PEOPLE” available now at http://mondegamusic.com/ and http://blacklava.net add me on facebook! http://facebook.com/mondega

Thanks Lac and Mondega!

 

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THE BEST ASIAN RAPPER ALIVE

Thanks to Lac Su for pointing Mondega out to BcB. This is the first part of a two part blog post on the Asian American rapper from North Cackalacka. The next installment will be an interview with Mondega by cbruhs. This gem of a review by AzN is on his latest LP: For the People.

I guess the first thing to say about Mondega is he’s been through a lot. Take the worst of the worst origin story of a rapper from the drrrty South and add the refugee experience and genocide and you got Mondega. Why else would he name his first album I Am the Best Asian Rapper Alive?  The man grew up an ethnic minority in the highlands of Viet Nam, how many other rappers could say they grew up without an official country?

The second thing I would say about Mondega is his lyrics are inspirational as hell. The man rhymes about the  refugee experience while growing up in a community that was 75% African American. Not many of us can relate to that context and its important his voice gets out to our folks. Mondega is looking to the Asian American community to support not only his music, but also his message. And that’s what makes him the Best Asian Rapper Alive.

Mondega’s lyrics rip through anyone that has ever remotely been in contact with the refugee experience. One look at his documentary and you’ll understand why:

But what about the music you ask? I think Mondega has a lot of potential, and I definitely feel the music in his latest album, For the People. Cop it at Black Lava dot net. Especially the first single, titled Listen to My Song, which pretty much sums up what its like being an Asian rapper trying to make it in a predominantly African American industry.

Some other favorites are Rise Up, a song about third-world living. Another notable song is Living in America. I think this is the first rapper who didn’t take living in America for granted, judging by the lyrics… Also check out Love Will Remain ft. Semi-Auto, which is worth it for the title and featured rapper alone (the slowed-down 90s DJ Premiere-like beat is my favorite on the album). And if you wanna see his lyrical skills, Me and My Rhyme has the best flow (Nas should probably listen to this track and learn some breath control).

So for folks that wanna hear a story and support a lyricists, cop For the People. For the rest of you, the Far East Movement album gives you some AsAm street cred, but not as much as this album!

The Prodigal Son Returns

The miraculous return of AzNHeartThrob can only be explained through Biblical passages. So listen and repent, for the Word of the Lord will finally be cast down upon thee once again.

"But it was appropriate to celebrate and be glad, for this, your brother, was dead, and is alive again. He was lost, and is found." -Luke, 15:32

So why the sudden disappearance and the equally as (un)compelling return? I answer your question with another question: Why did Jordan play baseball during his prime basketball years? Why? TRUST.

Create Your Own Evil Chinese Professor Meme!

In response to the creepy “Chinese Professor” political ad put out last week by fiscally conservative group Citizens Against Goverment Waste — which depicts a futuristic dystopia where the United States has fallen into the clutches of the evil “we own your debt… and your asses” Chinese — Angry Asian ManDisgrasian8 Asians, and Reappropriate have teamed up in a genius (but not, like, evil genius) move to create a counter-campaign against the ad’s racist imagery.

Since the “Chinese Professor” video aired, a few parodies have surfaced (like  this one from Campus Progress Action), and AAM & Co. WANT YOU! to add to the mix and make this the biggest internet meme since keyboard cat.

You can dowload the .ZIP file here, which includes a subtitle-less .MOV file plus the .RTF text file transcript of the original “Chinese Professor” video. Write an alternative monologue, re-subtitle the footage, and upload it to YouTube, Vimeo, or any other video-sharing service (although Vimeo is recommended since CAGW has been cracking down on parodies posted on YouTube).

Then email the link of your parody to evilchineseprofessor@angryasianman.com. The best three will be chosen by sponsoring bloggers, awarded fabulous prizes (TBD), and the chance to really stick it to the man. Submission deadline: Nov. 27, 2010. Also sponsored by Hyphen and ChannelAPA.

re-post from my post in Hyphen

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