Friday Fuckery: I’m Remembering

MFing amazing website alert! There’s nothing to kick off an all-American weekend like a little nostalgia: for the days before the cruelty of high school and puberty set in, when your whole life revolved around Pac-Man cereal, Popples, and Saturday morning cartoons. Yes, the late 80s/early 90s!

I’m Remembering! is a tumblr site where folks post the greatest hits of our wasted youth. I pretty much spent the workday poring over all 65+ pages. I had a meeting to prep for, but PRIORITIES.

I’ve taken the liberty here to point out and snidely comment on the Asiany remembrances. Cuz if you think pop culture is fucked up for our peeples now, boy was it ever 25 years ago! I feel old.

‘Cuz racist candy just tastes better! Apparently, the product was re-named from “Cherry Chan” in the 70s.  Cherry Chan, the cherriest chink in all the land:

Yes, the slant-eyed cherries are obviously a major improvement. Well done Ferrera Pan PR department!

Taste the Orient, bumbling white people! Chopsticks sure are currrrazy!

Yeah, I’ve never heard of this. The kind of books I had as a kid was stuff like Garfield By the Pound and old copies of YES! teen mag from Hong Kong.

Apparently this children’s book is set in “Ancient China” and “is about a boy named Tikki tikki tembo-no sa rembo-chari bari ruchi-pip peri pembo. He falls into a well and his little brother, Chang, runs to their mother and shouts that Tikki tikki tembo-no sa rembo-chari bari ruchi-pip peri pembo has fallen into the well over and over because she can’t hear him….the supposed lesson is that one reason Chinese names are often short and one syllable is because of the time it took for his brother to explain to people what happened to Tikki tikki tembo-no sa rembo-chari bari ruchi-pip peri pembo as a result of his outrageously long name.”

What in the hell?! That don’t sound like no Chineers to me. White people in the 80s seem pretty stupid. That’s efffed up yo.

Oh hey! I had one of these too, except it was made out of billions of rubber bands and I had to collect and then make it with my own raw, cramped child fingers before I could play with it. If you can just make it yourself, why would you pay money for one at the store? Some kids are so spoiled. The irony is, even though they totally did this wrong, it probably really was made in China.  By children.

Oh mah gad who is this? I dunno. But I wish I did. I’d be the oldest “Fadster”. Dr. Fad would let me borrow his sweater whenever I felt like it and we would stay up late and I could tell him all my wacky yet brilliant invention ideas, like how to turn your old makeup into moonshine and a robot cat that does your homework. I believe we’d be very happy together. Um, anyhoo, it’s nice that he doesn’t have some super chinky accent here.

With that Asian chick. Hey did you see the California Dreams reunion on Jimmy Fallon? She’s still the Mayor of Babesville.

With that other Asian chick — Claudia. She supposedly was the dramatic one and had good fashion sense or something. Sorry, not much help here. I was reading R.L. Stine and taping 90210 to ogle my “perfect boy” (or 32-year-old-man-playing-a-boy)…Dylan McKay.

Chinese noodles are my very best favorite too. “Sesame Street” was always the most gangsta, multicultural shit on TV. Since way back when.

What What What now?! And they change color in water?! HOW DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS?! My childhood seems so meaningless.

Dustin effing Nguyen. Nuff said.

And just because I loved this soooo much and still talk about it all the time and desperately pray for its revival:

Happy Fourth!

via Buzzfeed

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One thought on “Friday Fuckery: I’m Remembering

  1. Oh. Mah. God. Tikki Tikki Tembo. I saw the headline and immediately finished the name in my head, with absolutely no memory of the damn book itself. My poor body has been fighting The Racism for so long, even my memory got in on it!

    Like

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