Wow. This is just…wow. Gawker brings us a post they’ve dubbed the “Best Roommate Ad Ever”…from none-other-than infamous eye surgeon Dr. Emil Chynn (who once had an ice-statue made of his beloved dog Hershey):
Titled “FREE STUDIO ON PARK AVE FOR PERSONAL ASSISTANT!”, the post offers a free studio apartment in the basement of his office building in exchange for services as a “personal assistant.” (Women only!) Including: Spending an hour “either walking on my back… or if you are more than 115, you can just give me a deep masage.” Plus, helping him tidy up “my ski house, my beach house, or my other beach house.” Also, finding him a girlfriend: “Part of your assignment will probably be to reactivate my match.com profile and troll for dates for me, as i don’t really have the time to do this properly.” A daunting task, but if you succeed in finding Chynn a woman he eventually marries, you are richly rewarded—by his parents: “my parents will give you a reward of $10,000 in cash, ie bills, so that’s a bonus!” We have spent enough time researching Dr. Chynn to suspect this is likely true. Chynn states that your duties as his personal assistant do not include “ANYTHING SEXUAL.”
Like I said– WOW…….what a freakin’ BARGAIN! New York rents being what they are, I may just apply for this gig myself. I’m already quite adept at “trolling” the internets and bars for boos, and moving crap from one spot to another in multiple beach and/or ski houses don’t sound half bad. And this wouldn’t be the first time someone has requested that I step on them with platforms…although my pesky habit of relentless snacking may disqualify me from that 115lb weight limit. But that “deep masage”… as a certifiable germaphobe, I’mma need a few more specs on that one. Does it require skin-to-skin contact? Can I use a prosthetic hand in lieu of my own? How about a 10-foot-pole? Good luck with that one, Dr. Emil Chynn!