Friday Fuckery: Extreme Makeover-Chinese Jessica Alba Edition

After leaving her boyfriend, a 21-year-old woman in China wants to undergo extensive plastic surgery to look just like Jessica “Don’t call me a Latina!” Alba. Apparently the guy was obsessed with all things Alba, and this is her last-ditch attempt to win him back (is it just me or does she already look a lot like her?).

I don’t think I need to explain why this one is filed under Friday Fuckery and Bitch, please! Even the director of the Shanghai Time Plastic Surgery Hospital said: “…if she wants to totally look like Jessica Alba, I would think she is still not confident of herself and that she needs to solve this problem psychologically.”

A Chinese girl who wants to look like a Latina who wants to look like a white girl. Well, they do already have some things in common: A desire to look like an entirely different race and an aversity towards breaking things off with douchey men.

But to really be like Jess, homeslice needs to blame her “puffy lips” and obesity on her ethnic side – so give up on finding out the cost of liposuction, cultivate a penchant for fugly sweaters,  reinforce ugly stereotypes about her people, and get a platinum blonde dye job (not just a wig honey!) that is totally inconsistent with her skin tone and features. Also, play an airhead sexdoll in (sometimes racist) shitrag flicks like The Love Guru and Into The Blue (both nominated for a Worst Actress Razzie Award).

But unlike Alba, I recommend this chick STAY broke up with the dicktard… although a swift reunion of her foot with his nuts would be acceptable. Cbruhs Breakup Guide 101 out.


One thought on “Friday Fuckery: Extreme Makeover-Chinese Jessica Alba Edition

  1. I’ll co-sign you on that!
    The ex-dude needs a great swift kick to the …… and he should let this girl know it’s not the right thing to do.
    She should think less of him that he’d prefer to ogle a celebrity he would never get his hands on than love a normal girl who looks like she does because it’s God-given.
    And I’m sure Alba’s heard this story, she needs to phone this chick and tell her to sit the eff down and stop it with the tomfoolery…


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