I wish I had thought of that line, but I didn’t. It comes straight from a website called certifiedvirgin.com, a purveyor of certificates to unofficially announce the retention of your purity. They don’t actually check under the hood like the good ole days (you won’t believe how many “put in the butt” jokes I heard when I was chillin’ in Provo, Utah) so I’m not sure how certified this can be. Its not like the PSA-certified sports card process that would probably rate my beloved Randall Cunningham rookie card as a PSA-3. It looks more like a honor system kind of thing… Maybe these certificates should come attached to dowries and be PDF-ready for Match.com or eHarmony.com profile uses? I’m just sayin’. Either way, I wished we had this website when I was, umm, 16. But we barely had the internets in 1996, when my history class would go online in a datacenter at Liccardo looking for information on the McCarthy era and end up with nudie picts of Jenny McCarthy.