I wanted to thank you personally. You’re hot (I had to stop watching The Notebook, cause I had a feeling you were going to die), you’re funny (I watch Wedding Crashers and Mean Girls whenever they’re on Starz), and you’re Canadian (which I can forgive you for). But that’s not why I wanted to thank you. I wanted to thank you for taking some of the slack for making America green, ever since I was forced out of office… Your push for bamboo lingerie has made up for all the work I wasn’t able to do with solar panel tax credits. But that’s not all, because all the work I was going to do with ramping America’s car industry up for a transitional switch from fossil-based fuels to hydrogen-based fuel seems completely worthless now that your website, greenissexy.org, is pushing for soy-based boy shorts.
Thank you Rachel, I can finally move to Oakland now and figure out my next move while following your green initiatives from afar. You’re not American, but you do have the true American spirit that we should all strive to have.
Van Jones, Esq.
ex-White House Special Advisor for Green Jobs