Friday Fuckery: Balloon Boy Blurts It Up

Hoo Boy. After a day of media frenzy and collective hands-wringing, the nation has discovered that Falcon (I know he’s just a child, but I can’t deal with these extreme sports white people names) Heene is alive and well. He did not, in fact, plummet out of a runaway hot air balloon, but was found hiding in a cardboard box in his parents’ attic.

That’s all well and good, but here comes the fishy part: During a family interview with Wolf Blitzer, when asked why he didn’t show thyself when his parents called his name,  Lil’ Kaw Kaw said: “You guys said that, um, we did this for the show”.

Booom!! This was followed by much squirming in seats and hem ‘n’ hawing on the part of Daddy Heene. Ruh-roh! Someone’s gettin a spanking for going off-script (between you and me, I think Mommy Mayumi shoulda taken a page from the Asian Parenting 101 Handbook and whupped his ass good with a kitchen implement for a) setting the balloon free in the first place and b) hiding out like a punk and scaring the bejeezus out of America…but for some reason I feel Japanese folks are less inclined to beat they kids as are other Asians. My theory is growin up in a country that is generally less hard knocks = less knocks to young’uns heads).

So was it all a publicity stunt? When cornered by Meredith Vieira during a Today Show follow-up interview, Richard Heene tried to blame the slip-up on the show’s producers and proceeded to get his panties all up in a wad over the accusation. But Falcon upchucking into a tupperware container/dad’s lap pretty much sums it up. Priceless.

The fact that the family has been on Wife Swap twice and various other TV appearances, that Heene is a kooky storm-chaser (an activity in which he includes his small boys), an “amateur scientist” (those two words should never go together) and apparently a devoted self-promoter, does not bode well for his case. Guy, between the Heenes and the Gosselins, does someone need to start a “Protect Part-Asian Chillun From Shameless Famewhorin’ Parental Exploitation Defense Fund”? Just Sayin’.


2 thoughts on “Friday Fuckery: Balloon Boy Blurts It Up

  1. “But Falcon upchucking into a tupperware container/dad’s lap pretty much sums it up. Priceless.”

    Maybe little Falcon always upchucks into tupperware, when Daddy tells a lie!

    And apparently, the Heene parents believe that both of them are literally the descendants of space aliens. See 3:35 in the video below.

    In all, this freaky friday family is just begging for a call from child protective services.


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