Craigslist Ad: Starcraft lessons from authentic Korean (Richmond/Seacliff – SF)

I’m gonna be real big about this and leave my snarky comments out (I do however italicize classic lines). Just reposting this Craigslist ad verbatim, listed under the lesson/tutoring section, in all its glory (if that link stops working, don’t worry, I PDF’d here):

Hi, my name is ByunTae from South Korea. I have been playing Starcraft since 1998 and I was born and raised in Korea. I’m 100% full blooded Korean, meaning I have been gifted with unparallel talent to master any video game, particularly, Starcraft: Brood War. I’m also experienced in Counter-Strike, I am able to perform bunny hops, my best score on a public 32 player game was 171-2 with 170 kill streak. I’m offering my expertise in Starcraft to be taught to non-Koreans that wishes to have the skill of a Korean player. I have advised and coached many professional gamers such as Im Jae Dong, Park Myung Soo, Ma Jae Yoon, and more. Boxer and I were great friends until he started using my dropships to gain his fame. I started training other players to be on par with Boxer and eventually surpassing Boxer. He is no longer the best player thanks to my contribution to rest of the players. I did not compete in pro gaming because they KTF did not agree with my seven figure contract demand.

Things I will be teaching in Starcraft:
Micro management (unit management)
Macro management (unit production and economy)
Map specific strategies
Basic and Advanced strategies and build orders for all three races.
In-game bugs to be used to your advantage such as unit stack, stop lurkers, etc.
Counter strategies and perfect attack timings.
Learn Korean lango, like “chobo” “gosu” “ww” etc
Basic Korean to communicate with Koreans on
Unit details, their size and their pros/cons against other units
My signature cannon rush along with my signature cheese rush (boxer learned it from me)

My lessons will result in:
Faster APM (actions per minute) – average professional gamers range from 250-550. Average player is about 100.
Better Win/Loss Ratio
Chance to become a professional gamer in Korea – Celebrity status, especially for foreigners, like Guillaume Patry (Grrr…) and Bertrand Grospellier (Elky)
Bragging rights, that you’re as good as a Korean in Starcraft
You will be called a hacker because you’re so good.
Korean girls will be intrigued that you’re such a good Starcraft player.

My lessons are offered to only non-Koreans or American born Koreans because they lack the blessing from the Gaming God, Norazi. Sun Tzu once said, “Defiler becomes useless at the presences of a vessel.” You will be come the vessel against the defilers that treats you like a non-korean, laughing at your pitiful Starcraft skills…however, you will demolish them with the new profound skills.

Basic training: $25/hr
Estimated course length: 6-8 hours
Basics of micro/macro management.
Learning the units and buildings
Basic strategies and build orders
Learn attack/production timing
Worker stacking
Learn Korean words to understand Koreans talk in game

Advanced training: $35/hr
Estimated course length: 8-10 hours
Muta stacking
Lurker stop and stacking
Cloacked zergling
Advanced strategies and build orders
Map specific strategies
Various secret tricks and tips
Bootleg copy of Boxer’s DVD imported from Korea
Learning basic Korean to communicate with Korean on
Advanced micro/macro management (able to stand off 12 zerglings with just 3 zealots or fend off 18 zealots with just 4 cannons) <- EXTREME SKILL

Race Specific Training:
I will teach you EVERYTHING i know about those races, making you an unstoppable force within the World of Starcraft.
Estimated course length: 4-6 hours
Protoss: $20/hr
Zerg: $25/hr
Terran: $30/hr

For all students, i will also offer 2 hours of my time for the week of the lesson taken, to play together in 1vs1 Lost Temple/Python or other custom maps.

Please contact me if you have any questions, I promise that I will make you into the best non-Korean Starcraft Player EVER, amongst those trained by me.


One thought on “Craigslist Ad: Starcraft lessons from authentic Korean (Richmond/Seacliff – SF)

  1. Pingback: TWIL – Week of July 13, 2009 « T-rex Arms

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