I love dogs, I really do (except chihuahuas- over sized rats should never be considered as pets…never). So yes, bankrolling dog fights is not cool. The torturing of dogs, chickens, pigs, cows, fish, elephants, or any other animal is fucked up. But let’s get some perspective on this Michael Vick dog fighting debacle.
Michael "I'd look better in Silver & Black" Vick
So homie got two years in jail, lost all of his endorsements, lost his $130M football contract, and was indefinitely suspended from the NFL, because he engaged in the some unfortunate activities that caused the death and mutilation of a couple of his beloved pitbulls. Did he deserve to be punished? Of course. To the extent that he got? Questionable.
If Michael Vick was punished for engaging in activities that tortured and killed animals, then shouldn’t every blue-blooded all American hunter also be punished? How many moose heads does Sarah “see ya later sucka” Palin have mounted on her wall as trophies? How many old white lawyers deers has Dick Cheney shot? And is it not animal torture when Paris “birdface“ Hilton dresses up that thing she calls a dog and prances around with it on the red carpet? I think so. What about every meat eater in this world? It’s not like all the hamburgers that have been eaten came from cows that just died of old age or natural causes. I’ve been to the slaughter house. I know what happens when babe goes in the back with the man armed with the pellet gun. Bacon may be your best friend, but I don’t think the feelings mutual on his end. I know it sounds like I’m downplaying what went down in Vick’s home, but what I want to understand is where those lines are drawn when we punish people for killing defenseless animals and is there more room to maneuver within those lines for different types of people.
Now I don’t want to speculate and make assumptions, but my feeling is that if Michael Vick was a white hall of fame basketball player with hella illegitimate kids running around, say like Larry Bird or some shit, he probably would have gotten 500 hours of community service and force to make a phat contribution to the SPCA, but that’s just speculation on my part.
Anyways, for those of you keeping up with the NFL, you’ve probably heard by now that Michael Vick, who was released on May 20, was reinstated into the league today by the NFL commissioner, Roger Goodell, pending his ability to show remorse (shouldn’t be too hard now that he’s bankrupt and po’). Now all Vick needs to do is find a team that’s willing to sign him. That’s where I say the RAIDERS should come into play. I f’n hate Al Davis with a passion. That fat greedy SOB has been nothing but a capitalist nuisance to the City of Oakland. BUT, if he does the unthinkable and signs on Michael Vick, I may actually consider watching a Raider’s game next season. Why? There are a couple of reasons why I think Michael Vick and the Raiders are made for each other…
First, Michael Vick is on PETA’s shitlist for life and whichever team signs him must be prepared for the fact that he brings with him baggage, and by baggage I mean PETA protestors. Who’s scarier and more annoying than PETA protestors? Raider fans. I can almost guarantee you that once those PETA protestors show up with their mock blood red paint prepared to splash it on a die hard silver and black, we’ll be seeing some real bloodshed. And trust that no raider nation tailgate party will ever be disturbed by a PETA protest.
Secondly, the Raiders have sucked ass for years. Yea, I said it. Michael Vick may be a terrible pet owner, but he was a badass quarterback- something the Raiders haven’t seen in a long time. The dude’s been in jail working out, which is probably more than what any of the current Raider players have been doing during the off season. He’s got a lot he has to prove. Which means he won’t be playing based on ego, like 99.9% of the NFL players normally do. Rather, he’ll be playing based on his need to earn back his fans and build back what’s left of his tarnished reputation. Perhaps, this is all in vain so that he build back his endorsement portfolio. But that’s besides the point. The immediate need for the Raiders, is a good solid player that can lead the team. The immediate need for Michael Vick is a team willing to give him a chance, with a die hard fan base that cares more about a superbowl championship than animal rights (most of whom probably bankroll their own dogfights on 84th and MacArthur). And seriously, are we really banking on Jeff Garcia to take us all the way? Seriously?
This relationship between the Raiders and Michael Vick is the only one I see that fits. I mean there’s no way that he’d be able to play in that self righteous city across the bay. It just makes sense for the league’s most undesirable player to play for the league’s least desirable team. So here’s to hoping we see you in the nickel and dime in October Michael Vick.