Friday Fuckery: Asian Poses

So this cute overload called “Asian Poses” has been circulating the internets….and I don’t really have a strong reaction, more like an ermmmm….wtf?

Asians! Posing! Fierce! Delightful! I'm Uncomfortable Looking at These At Work!

Asians! Posing! Fierce! I'm uncomfortable looking at these at work!

The guy who created this site is not a slobbery, sweaty, pontyailed white guy, but a Chinese dude, so that mitigates the Eww factor. And to replicate these East Oriental-oriented poses, each one comes complete with instructions!

Wow, who knew that “Asian” poses were so classifiable? We got the Puffy Cheeks (one of my personal faves, usually occurs when trying to hold in vomit during a bottomless brunch. But good news for me – apparently it’s adorable!):

The puffy cheeks expression is a classic look, which can be used in a variety of poses. This expression involves inflating your cheeks as if you are holding your breath. There are different degrees of puffiness, which range from mild to an attempt to break the breath holding record.

Another mimosa, please!

Another mimosa, please!

The Finger-Point:

Is it rude to point? Not if it’s done so cutely! With your index finger extended in one hand and your other fingers clenched or curled inwards, point your index finger at someone. It is important to note that the effectiveness of your pointing can be reduced with coloured nail polish, as it takes attention away from your stern index finger. (I don’t even understand what this last part means…)

Not so if you happen to be dressed up like a motherfucking cat!

Not so if you happen to be dressed like a motherfucking cat!

And of course — topping the list at #1 — the Peace Sign:

One performs this hand gesture by raising and parting the index and middle finger while the remaining fingers are clenched.

This one's just in the genes.

This one's just in the genes.

However, there seems to be some characteristically “Asian” poses that have been left out of the compendium, namely:

The Homoerotic Meatpacking/Midtown Douchey Club Pre-funk Boob Grab:

This popular pose is accomplished by swiftly clutching a friend’s mammary in the presence of a camera. Often accompanied by the “Whu-oh! Myyy baaaad” face.

Oops! Got your tittay!

Oops! Got your tittay!

Or its variation, the Boob Claw:

Grab boob with mechanical claw.

Self-explanatory.

Self-explanatory

Let us not forget the Crotch Grab:

This endearing gesture is performed by reaching down to one’s lady/gentlemanly regions and grasping firmly. A loudly pronounced “DEEEEEZZZ NUTZ!” is optional.

Smooooov as eggs

Smooooov as eggs

And finally, no Asian Pose list would be complete without yo momma’s fave, The Bird:

This pose is accomplished by extending the middle finger whilst keeping the rest of the fingers firmly tucked in a fist. For maximum effectiveness, execute within 3 inches of target’s face.  Lovely!

Got your pose right here, buddy.

Got your pose right here, pal.

Other suggestions?

Thanks Meg!

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