Dear Mr. Boot Cut Jeans

You’re everywhere. In da clubs, at da bars, in fancy Asian fusion restaurants. You change up your button up shirts, sometimes with stripes, other times with little dots, and when you’re feeling adventurous: little flowers. But one thing always stays the same: your boot cut jeans.

But why is it that I hate you so? Well, other than douching up good bars and restaurants that were just fine before getting Yelp’d or talking REALLY LOUDLY ABOUT YOUR SAILBOAT, STOCK OPTIONS or TRIP TO MT EVEREST ON A SHERPA’S BACK, I just hate your face.

So in summary, you should consider wearing something else… Khakis maybe? Cause no, boot cut jeans don’t look better with your American Eagle leather thong sandals:


Or a pair of your fake Chinese, black on black, John Varvatos wannabe Chuck’s:


And definitely not with the boots they were originally designed for:


If there is a silver lining for your existence, Mr. Boot Cut Jeans Guy, then it is this: the telltale sign of whether a spot is douchey or not based on the line getting in. Although I risk the possibility of less girls by going elsewhere, I’ll take my chances. Cause Yaegar bombs, Ed Hardy shirts, and shouts of “that’s my song!” when MIA’s Paper Planes come on is not my ideal of a good time.

So as the legendary Kal Penn would say as Kumar: “Doucccheee!








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