Imperialistic Viral Videos

I wanted to show you all three of these videos, and the only thin thread of relation between them all was that China, Japan and France occupied Viet Nam at some point in history. So without further ado, the fruits of Imperialism once again causing me to say, “How the hell did any of these countries control Viet Nam?”:

Cantonese Boy (The Canto version of Estelle and Yeezy’s American Boy- My favorite line is easily “Hong Kong used to be owned by the UK, gave it back to China so that you’ll say…”)

Yatta (Not really safe for work. And if it is, you might wanna consider working somewhere else):

Tony Parker’s Rap Video (I HATE French rap. Seriously. The only decent rapper ever was MC Solaar and that was like 20 years ago. Hating pro sports athletes that attempt to rap goes without saying… *cough* Shaq *cough* Ron Artest *cough* Kobe)

Friday Fuckery: Bamboo Bicycle

Here’s an interesting new product – a bicycle made of “springy, light, sustainable and abundant” …BAMBOO. Not like I know anything about cyclin’ or being active in general, but maybe this is something all ya biker enthusiasts (AZN) can get hyphy about.

Comes with rattan leaf helmet

Comes with rattan leaf helmet

But hold up and wait a minute! This ride made from the wood of our peoples will set you back a whooppin’ $2695. Aish! In my opinion, bamboo should be got for free, namely when cut from your auntie’s backyard. But leave it up to hippie white folks to take something that should be cheap, tweak/import it and mark it up 3,00,000 % (i.e. Pier 1, Crate and Barrel). And if it’s “sustainable”, tack on another premium.  Wonder how long this’ll take to show up on Stuff White People Like. More importantly, do Asian folx get a discount, and can the parts disassemble into an ass whuppin’ stick?

Michael Jackson is Dead at 50

TMZ confirmed that the King of Pop just passed away at his home. I’m sure no one was expecting this, and to all of his fans, this will be a sad, sad day. He was suppose to start a tour in London soon, and was rehearsing for it in his home in SoCal when it occurred. There’s no official word yet other than TMZ, but either way, he’ll never be the same MJ we always remembered…

June 25, 2009

June 25, 2009

The Book of Timothy

lincecum-1

“I saw in the night visions, and, behold, one like the Son of man came with the clouds of heaven, and came to the Ancient of days, and they brought him near before him. And there was given him dominion, and glory, and a kingdom, that all people, nations, and languages, should serve him: his dominion is an everlasting dominion, which shall not pass away, and his kingdom that which shall not be destroyed”. Daniel 7:13-14

This one is for Sherdizz (you enjoy the Old Testament passage there?) who braved the streets of the O to attend a 4-1 Giants win against the Athletics. I’m glad you got to see the Messiah pitch. Considering the best A’s pitcher in NetAss that night was Dave Stewart while he was accepting an honor for the anniversary of the 1989 Bay Bridge Series (my pillow in 1989 is still stained with the tears from the earthquake and the Giants loss), y’all had no chance. Must also hurt more cause he’s half-Filipino and half-amazin’ as opposed to half-Filipino and half-LAMO.

Chicken Adobo is So Easy to Cook, Even a White Guy Can Do It!

UPDATE: Travis Kraft is half-Filipino according to ultimatepinoyhunks.org (DO NOT OPEN AT WORK. I’m at a cafe and its already awkward enough).

Where the hell do I even start. After some discussion with my roommate, JipShady, we’re not sure if this guy, Travis Kraft (actor/director/model/cook/Asian aficionado) of TravisKraft.com is meant to be satire.

The man became (in)famous for this video, where he teaches us how to cook Chicken Adobo while SPEAKING TAGALOG. Considering only ONE of my 2 billion Catholic school Filipino classmate friends speak Tagalog, this guy must really be into the culture (and yes, I definitely consider this a fetish cause he loves the culture so much, he actually digs Filipino food). You know I’m not kidding, right? Cause I actually do appreciate me some Adobo.

If you like this guy that much, you can buy an authentic apron with a Filipino flag on it (or a dvd, which is weird cause the videos are free on YouTube).

What a hottie

Sobrang sexi itong lalaki!

And in case you want to see him in other videos:

How to Make Dinuguan (YUM! Pork Blood Stew! Not kidding, I like pork blood):

How to defend Asian people against the Blacks:

Him being interviewed by a Filipino TV station:

And in case my Korean American friends in K-town feel left out, here’s an amazing video montage of LA K-town that ends with an Asian brother getting strangled. THIS IS ART.

Just another case of the White Man appropriating Asian culture? Sure. Anything we can do he can do better? Maybe. Is it funny? Kinda. Do I hate the man? Yes.

WHITE Terrorists Profiling NOW!

i’m not going to get on my soapbox about stolen land or how this country was built on the blood, sweat, and tears of immigrants and at the hands of white colonialist greed. that’s not the point of this post. nor is the point of this post to trash on the “minutemen project.” and i’m certainly not going to get into it about those people who, unless indigenous to the land, should in no way shape or form ever feel entitled enough to think that they are “protecting” what is stolen rightfully theirs from the “illegals.” what i’d like to do is to start a list of white terrorists. yes, i said white terrorists.

in recent news, we’ve seen neo-nazis roam the streets of DC shooting up museums and killing folks of color, we’ve caught wind that the bastards responsible for the brutal murder of a man and his 9 year old daughter are white trash scumbags with long standing ties to the aryan nation, and we’ve learned that psychotic over the top religious murderers has had a history of being antigovernment with bombmaking skills. these are just a few of the plethora of other white terrorists that have been allowed to walk the streets freely endangering our public safety. all three of the aforementioned SOB’s have had long standing backgrounds tying them to terrorism, anti-government, and anti anything not white.

so why is it that someone like james von brunn, who’ve made adamantly clear of his anti black and jew sentiments, was allowed to  walk into a public building and pull a gun on someone? how is it that people like shawna forde and jason bush were not already rotting their trailer park asses away in some detention center for having ties to the ideologies and terrorism of white supremacy? why was scott roeder not sitting his old ass in jail when cops discovered bomb making materials in his car back in 1996? one reason. because they are white. had they been ANY OTHER ETHNICITY other than white, you bet your ass they’d be on homeland securities’ no fly/terrorists watch list or rotting away in some detention center awaiting deportation. but they weren’t. they were allowed to walk amongst the rest of us just as they did up till the moment they pulled the trigger that took away another person’s life out of hate and bigotry.

the scary thing about these hoodrats are that they no longer walk around with white sheets pulled over their heads, burning crosses on our lawns, and tatting swastikas on their forearms. these fools are subtle. they creep away in their tiny little basements doing licentious things because they are sick sick people, waiting for the right moment to inflict their terror on others. for this very reason, i believe there needs to be a WHITE TERRORIST WATCH LIST. since the government itself is FULL of white terrorists, they’ll never enact a policy that will detain their own kind, so i believe we need to take charge and be as vigilant as those mofos “guarding” the borders. i believe that as soon as any white person conducts themself in a manner that can be misconstrued to be anti – people of color/immigrants/working class/LGTBQ/pro choice and if in any way these scumbags can be linked to white supremacy/kkk/aryan nation/gw bush/fox news, then i say we should put them on our WHITE TERRORIST WATCH LIST. these fools should be apprehended immediately, put in a detention center and await deportation to whatever european country their great granddaddy came from before he brought his disease over to the natives here.

i’ll start the list:

  • bill o’reilly
  • sean hannity
  • gw bush
  • karl rove
  • fat limbaugh
  • elizabeth hasselbeck
  • michelle malkin (honorary white)
  • ann coulter
  • everyone at fox news
  • the WB that works with me for being a douchebag and whining about how i have an advantage over him because i went to better schools, therefore, i have a better chance at excelling in an industry of ALL WHITE MALES, therefore, things should be handed to him to level out the playing field since he’s disadvantaged and underserved in this industry where EVERYONE looks like his ass! i digress.
  • sarah palin
  • kate gosselin (take those f’n cute ass kids away from her!)
  • joe lieberman
  • mike huckabee

my list looks like a list of white republicans…

white republicans, white terrorist, same shit.

Carnivorous Women vs Herbivorous Boys (Japan Only)

So apparently, as always, where there’s a quirky character trait that we may call out in one of our friends, like… say… metrosexuality, there inevitably is a whole movement that follows in Japan. In Japan they call it Herbivorous Boys and its old news from January that I’m only finding out about now (CNN Asia Article).

Metrosexual, Hipster, whatever the term...

Metrosexual, Hipster, Herbivorous Boys, whatever the term is...

The author who coined the term, Maki Fukaswa, says it describes men who are redefining what it is to be a man in Japan these days, where masculinity once reigned supreme (until now). They are called “Herbivorous Boys” since they are not interested in flesh. They are typically in their 20s and 30s, and usually surrounded by females because they believe that friendship without sex can exist between men and women.

There are apparently three reasons for the shift in Japan according to this article (where it is believed that 20% of the 20-30 year old male population fits under this category):  There are fewer children leading to less sibling rivalry/exam competition, they were brought up after the bubble economy of the 90s burst, and they follow the motto, “The nail that sticks up, gets hammered down”. This resulted in a population of men who were more delicate and highly averse to being hurt and willing to settle for less.

The best part has to be the rise of the female counterpart, which (surprise, surprise), they’re calling the carnivorous women. These women dress up like a famous model/actress (aren’t they all slashes?) named Yuri Ebihara (see picture below) who started a movement based on her nickname: Edi-chan. The “movement” is basically women copying outfits in magazines, following “How to get a man” guides, wearing girly pink, low-cut outfits at dating parties, and serving food all to get guys’ attention.

I'd love a bite of that. And the burger too... I'm just sayin'!

I'd love a bite of that. And the burger too... I'm just sayin'!

But apparently, all that work doesn’t work on the Herbivorous Boys, who are way more concerned with getting hurt and won’t approach females. These boys aren’t willing to take the initial step, a leap of faith (and the inevitably fall that follows).

My opinion on this? Hurray I say! Let’s flip the table on women, cause I’m tired of being the hunter. I’d rather be gathering women off the berry bushes then running around with Goose and Iceman trying to net me’s a womans at da club. At the very least, this will lead to less suicides on the Japanese subways, right? And leaves more meat for the carnivores…………..