Who the F Reads USA Today?

 

Hmm, I think I'll check out USA Today to see if my favorite baseball team won. Or if a war broke out anywhere.

Hmm, I think I'll check out USA Today to see if my favorite baseball team won. Or if a war broke out anywhere.

Seriously folks. Who reads this rag? Every time I see it, I’m reminded of skeezy business hotels, cheap suits, “Continental Breakfasts” with stale croissants and even more stale coffee, and dental/optometry/dietician conferences. If the NY Times were the most accurate, well written, articulate and concise newspaper in the world, USA Today would be the opposite: poorly written and so general, you can replace entire city or country names with one another, and it don’t matter much. Its basically worthless now that you can get sports scores on the phone and yes/no questions regarding international politics answered via Google mobile searches – also on your phone (did Israel fire missiles into Beirut? For $0.50, USA Today, please tell me: yes or no).

Cause back in the day (pre-internets), that’s all it was good for. Waking up in a Best Western in Tallahassee, Florida to see if the Warriors beat the Bulls the night before. If you want anything more, or God forbid, you want commentary that is worth something more than what you’ll get from the local yokel sitting at the hotel lobby waiting to pay off his “additional room charges” (PORN), then please, buy the national edition of the NY Times. Cause if the USA Today you’re reading ISN’T a copy you found on the ground while sitting on the toilet in the men’s room of a hotel lobby at a Des Moines, Iowa Holiday Inn Express, then you have ABSOLUTELY NO REASON TO BE READING THIS.

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