“Asian” Restaurant Gripes (Part 2)

80% of AzNHeartThrob's tongue burning cases are a result of Nabeyaki Udon slurped too fast.

80% of AzNHeartThrob's tongue burning cases are a result of Nabeyaki Udon slurped too fast.

 

-To the White couple on my left at the BK Heights sushi joint. Great, you’ve graduated from California Rolls and Maguro Nigiri onto to Hamachi Nigiri and Tobiko on everything. Really, congrats. But don’t sit there and stare, judging me cause I ordered Udon. I’m sick and when Asian folks feel cold and sick, they don’t crave chicken soup, they crave rice porridge or noodles. So stop staring at my bowl, thinking, “What is that? How can he eat noodles at a sushi restaurant?”, cause I’ll give you props if I ever see a white dude scarf down a steaming hot Nabeyaki Udon iron bowl and a plate of Uni Nigiri at any Japanese restaurant.

Try catching a fly with a fork.

Try catching a fly with a fork.

-To the restaurant workers that always gave my white coworkers forks and me chopsticks, we get it. Odds are if you give the white man a fork, he’ll bitch and complain and ask for chopsticks (cause he learned, you know, just to eat that kung pow chicken), only to realize he needs a fork for the Bak Choy I ordered. But by giving me chopsticks, I get bitched out, albeit passive agressively by my white brothers and sisters for the restaurant’s racial profiling. I have an idea, save the environment and give everyone a fork. You’re saving the landfill from another set of wood chopsticks, and you’re saving water too cause , hell, we all know you ain’t washing those forks reserved for the gwei lo’s…

An ancient Ming Dynasty warrior statue located at any and every PF Changs.

An ancient Ming Dynasty warrior statue located at any and every PF Changs.

-To the waiters at PF Changs (yes, I have been here, this is what happens when you are forced to eat with colleagues). That thing you do, where you set up a sauce mixing performance that consists of vinegar and soy sauce and hot sauce and whatever else is leftover? Stop it. You’re embarassing yourself, your family, me, the Xia to the Qing Dynasties, the Salvadoran sous chefs, the Genghis Khan/Mongolian horse/Terracotta soldier statues behind you and the Chinese mom in Joy Luck Club that gets soy sauce poured all over her food.

-To people that eat at PF Changs on a regular basis. Please consider diverting your culinary ineptitude towards Panda Express instead. Then multiply the cost of your meal by 4, and Paypal the difference to bicoastalbitchin[at]yahoo.com. Trust me, you’ll thank me later for saving you from the 4 minutes of sitting through the aforementioned sauce mixing demonstration.

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3 thoughts on ““Asian” Restaurant Gripes (Part 2)

  1. the fawk is a sauce-mixing demonstration? sounds lame. if i ever get a free gift certificate to PF Chang’s maybe I’ll find out for myself. or more likely just sell it to brad johnson on craig’s list.

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  2. the three sauces, after the waiter’s done with the mixing demonstration…

    I’m getting you PFC giftcards for your bday. so easy.

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  3. lol…i think they were staring because they liked you and wanted to say hello, but didnt have the courage to!

    haahahahahhaha, everyone always bags out asiaphiles, but i look at them as sacks of resources just begging to be exploited.

    lol, next time you should say to them “in japanese culture, it is considered polite to pay for your neighbours meal. The one who looked first has to pay….its japanese culture…”

    those stooooopid wapanesse would love to buy you dinner!! why? coz youre asian!! hahaha lol!

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