To the douchey white boys who squeezed themselves into our booth and kept high fiving each other while we tried continue with our conversation, then repeatedly interrupted by “cheers”ing us about 12 times:
To the Seinfeld look-alike who said: “Why!? You gay?” when I politely told him I wasn’t interested:
To the wigga that drunkenly yelled arvhjgtftASIANSmrflgahjgygah!!! while we smoked on A’s stoop, then mocked us by giggling “Teehee Ohmigawd!” but ain’t had shit to say when I hollered “Go back to Sweden douche!”:
Really? You couldn’t just say “Yeah, that’s a popular flavor”? And chick’s ignoring you cuz she just wants a free sample and don’t give a fuck that you have an Asian friend that likes hot sauce too because they must share the same genetic preference for spiciness;
Now, we’re not trying to hate on mens that have the huevos to come holla at classy broads such as ourselves, but we’re not foreign exchange students and we know what HI-FIVING implies. And shoving your glasses in our face and slurring “CHEEEERRRRRSSSSS” ONE MORE TIME to force us to pay attention to you really enhanced the evening;
Yes, being a dyke could be the only reasonable explanation why I’m not swooning over your balding bloated arrogant old ass; and
I wish I thought of a better country to shout out – like Germany – but you (I hope) got the point. And I also hope you heckled a few cut black guys on the way home who immediately beat your ass and knocked that stupid, stupid sidecocked A’s cap off that big potato head, you jagoff.
So ladies, what are we doing next weekend?