Another Saturday Night in New York Shitty

To the scruffy white sample guy at Whole Foods who loudly told the Asian lady that he has a Vietnamese friend who likes the same spicy salsa she was trying:
If you are Oriental-looking, you will luv this long time!

If you are Oriental-looking, you will luv this long time!

To the douchey white boys who squeezed themselves into our booth and kept high fiving each other while we tried continue with our conversation, then repeatedly interrupted by “cheers”ing us about 12 times:

AGAIN! Cuz it never gets old!

AGAIN! Cuz it never gets old.

To the Seinfeld look-alike who said: “Why!? You gay?” when I politely told him I wasn’t interested:

Oh. You must like poon.

Oh. You must like poon.

To the wigga that drunkenly yelled arvhjgtftASIANSmrflgahjgygah!!! while we smoked on A’s stoop, then mocked us by giggling “Teehee Ohmigawd!” but ain’t had shit to say when I hollered “Go back to Sweden douche!”:

wigga1

Really? You couldn’t just say “Yeah, that’s a popular flavor”? And chick’s ignoring you cuz she just wants a free sample and don’t give a fuck that you have an Asian friend that likes hot sauce too because they must share the same genetic preference for spiciness;

Now, we’re not trying to hate on mens that have the huevos to come holla at classy broads such as ourselves, but we’re not foreign exchange students and we know what HI-FIVING implies. And shoving your glasses in our face and slurring “CHEEEERRRRRSSSSS” ONE MORE TIME to force us to pay attention to you really enhanced the evening;

Yes, being a dyke could be the only reasonable explanation why I’m not swooning over your balding bloated arrogant old ass; and

I wish I thought of a better country to shout out – like Germany –  but you (I hope) got the point. And I also hope you heckled a few cut black guys on the way home who immediately beat your ass and knocked that stupid, stupid sidecocked A’s cap off that big potato head, you jagoff.

So ladies, what are we doing next weekend?

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3 thoughts on “Another Saturday Night in New York Shitty

  1. Thanks for the tips! me and JP will definitely use all three ideas when we scam on girls next friday or saturday night. got my A’s cap packed and ready to go…

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  2. if any white c*nt wants to get racial with MUAH, i then usually proceed to get RACIALICIOUS with them, and its HILAAAIIIRRRIOUS HOHOHO!

    for eg

    WC “oh yes my vietnamese likes this spicy suff just like you, guess cause youre both asian huh? ”

    MUAH ” did you shave today? no you didnt, did you? i thought so…..i could tell, cause i had a white flatmate once who never shaved, and he too looked hairy like a monkey ”

    or

    WC “why, are you gay?”

    MUAH “NO, YOURE JUST UGLY, BIIIIIIIITCH!”

    (and when i say bitch, i usually drag out the iii sound so its an extended iiiitch! at a louder volume to the rest of the sentence)

    WC “hi five,! yehuh!”

    MUAH ” excuse me bouncer? those guys keep touching us, and that one right there, he pushed his hand down my dress! can you do something about it?”

    or

    WC “ssdfvr ASIANS efghn”

    MUAH (walks up and breaks my beer bottle over his nose) “wot,WOT! GOT SOMETHING TO SAY, C*NT? OME ON THEN, OUT WITH IT! WHAT? GOT NUTHIN TO SAY?,…NO, I THINK YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY! YEAH? THOUGHT SO! THATS RIGHT I’M ASIAN,MUTHAF*CKER !!!! F*CK YOU!!!”

    try it next time, you will be suprised at the positive results! i guarantee!!

    Like

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