While googling late last night after a round of white russians w/extra vodka, I innocently stumbled across your Xanga page. Imagine my shock and pain upon discovering that you already have a so-called love of your life: a rookie Chargers cheerleader, Disneyland Japan princess. I assume you were smitten with her clogging on the set of ABDC 3, and my kicks simply can’t compete with that caliber of thunderous footwork.
I mean, props for landing a corn-fed yellowhair and all, but aiya this hurts my heart.
Here’s VK and me in happier days. We used to be in a crew together (FieldTrippin’ Crew) and I thought it would last forever. But apparently my signature and only move — The Goth Chola Slow Somersault of Eternal Ennui — failed to catch on. But look how in love we were:
VK, it seems you prefer the paler meat — but did you peep my pasty ass pic? A little time indoors and I look like an extra from Twilight — and fyi my skin does sparkle (sweat) when exposed to sunlight! I too can be your alabaster beloved. And if you’re lucky, some of that solid Scottish stock may pop up in our own chilluns in the form of marbling around the nose and free-floating displaced anger.
I know you two seem all young and in love and shit — and chick’s cute in a MILFy sorta way. But don’t you want a woman whose had a few broken dreams, even more cigarette burn scars, and can gently guide you through this cold, cruel world and the wrinkle cream aisle at Walgreen’s?
My offer stands, Victor. I may not be a Disney Princess, but I certainly am one bitchbaggin’ Queen. Call me!
thanks AZN for takin the pic.