UPDATE on the Miley Cyrus Chink Eyes fiasco. No, this has nothing to do with the provacative pics that leaked of her (ugh). And this isn’t about her apologizing to me and then calling me out for having a “”Goofy Face” (Hello. Pot. Kettle). OR about the women that’s suing poor ole Miley for defaming the ASIAN RACE with a $4 billion lawsuit ($4,000 for each of the 1,000,000 Asian American residents of Los Angeles County, or $2,000 for each chinky eyes, but who’s counting- actually, I’m counting, cause I’m Asian and I’m f’n excellent at math). This is about our favorite “who the fuck is that Asian dude and what the fuck is he doing in that photo” guy: Chuck Willis. Willis? What? Did he marry another dude? Is Willis a Thai name that’s short for Willisanthanmanpram? Or is he a TRA. ADOPTED BY WHITE FOLKS. That’s what I’m GUESSING.
Indeed Chuck, apparently you were named after Blues legend Chuck Willis cause I kept getting his image when I was trying to find ya. But thanks to Angry Asian Man for locating the legend, and especially finding his website: chuckwillisphotography.com.
Congrats Chuck! You just finished third in AzN’s Top Three Bestest Transracial Korean Adopted Babies List! Who rounds out the rest of the list? Glad you asked!
At #1, Toby Dawson, Olympic Skiier, lost at a market in Korea when he was 3, only to be adopted by American ski instructors. This story is no joke and ends with a happy reunion and bronze medal (Did you hear that Walt Disney Movies?! I SAID HE WAS LOST AT A KOREAN MARKET! BY IRRESPONSIBLE ASIAN PARENTS AND ADOPTED BY WHITE AMERICAN SKI INSTRUCTORS WHO EVENTUALLY TRAINED HIM TO BE AN OLYMPIC BRONZE MEDALIST! AND THEN HE EVEN REUNITES WITH THEM IN A TEARFUL NEWS CONFERENCE! ).
At number 2 is Nicole Bilderback from everyone’s favorite movie to hide in your dvd collection out of pure unadulturated shame, Bring It On (the original, not the sequels, because, my God, I’m not as sick as I look). Ooooooooh girl, you saw hawt! You make me wanna leave my parents and go back into time so I can travel to Korea as a wee-baby just so I can be adopted by Katherine Heigl just so I can be more like you! But then I’d grow up in Texas and be solely into white girls… damn. nevermind.
And now, #3. You were a nobody in the AzN community as of last month, but baby, you’ve shot up so fast it makes my slanted eyes hurt. Photographer SLASH! Actor SLASH! Model SLASH! Awesome! What can I say other than thanks. You COULD have made redundant slanty eyes gestures to your pretty face, but you didn’t, which makes you the Dr. King of the Asian American civil rights movement. If ONLY you would have made BIG AMERICAN EYES gestures, you’d be a legend and catapult past Nicole for the #2 slot. But not everyone’s perfect.
Thanks Cbruh and Angry Asian Man for the deets!