Its true, I have a man crush on John Cho. He is everything I am not. Smart, funny, charming and Korean. It all started when I saw him as “Asian guy with wife shopping for a house” in American Beauty. It only went straight up from there when he invented the term MILF in the whitest cast of a Hollywood film, American Pie. He not only came back for the sequels, he curtailed that role with the directors into a TV show where he played Chau, a lovable, yet goofy Vietnamese-American Pho Restaurant owner. A sitcom where the characters sit around and eat Pho rather than drink coffee in a cafe in NYC with no minorities? Which is more realistic? Honestly?
There was a slight dip when I saw you in Better Luck Tomorrow, only because I expected so much more. But Harold and Kumar Go to the White Castle followed by the equally genius of Harold and Kumar Go to Amsterdam sealed the deal. Throw in your role as a chef specializing in seafood in No Reservations, and my mancrush blossomed into full bromance. When I found out the show was going to be cancelled, I was stunned. But when I found out you were leaving the show after a handful of episodes, prior to cancellation, I called FOUL by Hollywood! RACISM! Fire the ONLY Asian cast member why don’t you! Only to eat my words later when I found out you left to develop your OWN tv show with the network. But where are you now? How can you possibly come back from being so high up? Is there anything higher than the stars above? Higher than the sky? The ozone? That weird bluish-blackish area between the earth’s atmosphere and space? Yes. Apparently there is.
There. You did it. Your next movie is STAR FREAKING TREK. The only things I love more than Star Trek are my parents, followed closely by Star Wars. SULU. You’re playing SULU in the year 2009. Sulu didn’t get the girls like Kirk did, and he didn’t get in fights like Scotty. He wasn’t as smart as Spock, and not as funny as Bones, or crazy as Chekov and definitely not as hot as Uhura. But YOU JOHN CHO WILL COMBINE ALL THE GREATEST ELEMENTS OF THE ABOVE CHARACTERS AND STEAL THE MOVIE. F’ Eric Bana, he was the WORST Hulk ever. And who’s Chris Pine and why does he think he can be Kirk? Sylar from Heroes ain’t got nothing on the MILF dude that got Maria at the end of H&KGTW. Simon Pegg? Please. Who even UNDERSTANDS those blokes to even get British humor?
The only faults I see in you John Cho are the following:
1. You graduated from Cal one year too early to meet me.
2. I never saw the voice over work you did on Kim Possible.
3. You played a douche on How I Met Your Mother named Jeff Coatsworth (but i like the adopted Korean kid reference. Very socially conscious those writers are).
But all those faults are just me being picky. Two more things:
1. My love for you is completely brotherly. You are my hyeongje, as I am yours.
2. Out of all the references above, only one came from IMDB and not from the back of my head. And that was the Kim Possible reference. Does anyone have an AVI of that episode?
Wait, I just realized I wrote this whole thing without bitchin, as this website was fully intended. I originally wanted to talk about how John Cho was the only Asian-American actor to NOT sell out to make a show or movie (but then I got sidetracked). Cho never had to do any of the following: learn karate (Dustin Nguyen/Kelly Hu), get nekkid (Tia Carrera), play an effeminate straight man (B.D. Wong), play the best friend that will never get the girl (Nathan Nishiguchi), or play an Asian slave trader or refugee (all the Asians in the movie Crash). Congrats on that John Cho.