Shoes OFF.

So I’m as “American” as the next guy. I know its weird to say, and I know a lot of people of color replace the word “White” with the term “American” (which I hate), but I was born here and although English is my SECOND language, I feel that if I qualify to be President cause I’m native born, I’m as American as Cup o’ Noodles and Rice-A-Roni, right? I like eating meatloaf.

But the ONE thing I will NEVER DO that White people do is wear my God Damn SHOES IN THE HOUSE. WTF?! I don’t understand. I live in a relatively dirty part of SF, and 80% of the time, my shoes are skimming 1-2 centimeters of urine when I’m in the bathroom at a bar, so I DO NOT understand the logic of wearing shoes in the house. I don’t care if you have carpet, linoleum, wood slate floors or Pergo. It DOES NOT MAKE sense. So when I walk you through my garage, and you see a PILE OF SHOES IN FRONT OF THE DOOR, right below a mounted print of Nikki McClure’s CONGREGATE print: 

 

Congregate

My NOT SO subtle hint for guests to TAKE OFF THEIR SHOES

it means you should take off your damn shoes. What prompted this tirade? A parade of people walking straight into my BATHROOM with their shoes on. And I know its sad, but I use a poster implying guests to take off their shoes because of my passive aggressive Asian guilt.

Your excuse that your “socks smell” or your “feet are sweaty” or your “shoes are HARD to take off” doesn’t make it any better that you are dripping urine, fecal matter, blood, dirt, and worst of all, pollen into my humble abode. You know what’s worst? The guys that wear NO SHOES outdoors. I can just imagine them walking around barefoot in the Mission, stepping over hypodermic needles and homeless kids and then getting to their front stoops and putting on a pair of Birkenstocks or black Vans before stepping in the house. Why oh WHY!

Note to all White people, Asian people think you all are dirty and smell like B.O. That shit on the ground on the sidewalk is SHIT ON THE GROUND. If you walk your shoes NEAR it or ON it, SHIT will get ON THE SHOES and when you walk on CARPET, SHIT WILL GET ON THE CARPET.

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