So I had an incident at an Irish Pub. But before I start this story, I should start by explaining my Irish Pub Conspiracy Theory. The Irish Pub was clearly created by White Guy in order to get inebriated and game on girls without the following two elements:
1. Possibility of dancing
1. People of color.
Why choose an Irish Pub rather than a bar or club with a DJ? You don’t go to an Irish Pub for the food (haggis? meat pie? boiled potatoes?). You don’t go to an Irish Pub for the music (a jukebox with CD’S (What is this, 2007?) You don’t go to an Irish Pub for the good drinks (beer is beer is beer everywhere). You go to avoid DANCING. And IF there is any dancing that suddenly breaks out, its ironic and meant to be a big joke for all. House of Pain starts blasting? Just jump up and down! Any Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg song starts bumpin? Throw up the “WestSyde” and bob your head! God forbid, Uncle Luke comes on? Start smacking your girl’s booty! MJ comes on? Well, you get the point…
And why is there no people of color in these joints? No dancing? Bad music? Miller Lights? Boiled food? TV’s playing the Tennessee vs. Army football game? Girls (Gone Wild) screaming “Woo!! I’m so drunk!”. And Frat Boys yelling “I’m gonna rock out with my cock out!” (it RHYMES!). I dread every second and can’t wait until JOURNEY comes on the jukebox so everyone will just stumble home already.
And for those of you patient enough to read this far, this was my exchange at the bar in an Irish Pub in the 10th largest city in America:
Drunk White Guy: Heeeeyyyy
DWG: Dude, the Olympics, what’s up with that? (Mind you, the Closing Ceremonies had already occurred several days before)
Me: Huh? What?
DWG: What’s up with China? The ping pong? (Did he throw in a superfluous definite article in there cause he thought I was Chinese?)
DWG: You KNOW. The Chinese chick? She’s CHINESE, played ping pong in CHINA and now she’s playing for the US. What’s up with THAAAATTT??!
Me: I haven’t been watching the Olympics.
I was so confused by the exchange, I didn’t spot the intent (It was then that I realized I was one of 2 Asian-Americans in the joint, out of 40-50 people). He just wanted to connect with a person of another race and share in the spirit of the Olympics. And isn’t that the point of the Olympics, building a bridge across the Pacific Ocean to connect Beijing to the U.S.? Lovely.