Point Me the Way to Go Eff Yourself!

hankerin for a neckchop

hankerin for a neckchop

God, Rude! Some people. So i’m standing on mulberry and bayard talking on the phone. It’s the weekend so tourists are swarming like locusts. Very very obnoxious locusts. Some cargo-shorts tourist lady comes and stands right next to me and screams ADAAAAAAAM!!!! directly into my ear. She paces up and down the block, then gets in my face and barks: “Point me to Canal Street!!!” Now I’m clearly on the phone here. And this beeyotch clearly needs to learn some manners. Like, ask nicely, say please and don’t wear shorts like that because it hurts people’s eyeballs.  And just cuz you’re in Chinatown don’t mean you’re entitled to order everyone around. I give her a withering stare and point to the left and she marches off. I shoulda neckchopped her ass right then and there. Or at least pretend i didn’t speak english. But, well, sometimes i can be a pussy. And then i lie awake at night clenching my fists and gritting my teeth and thinking of all the badass things i should have said. Sigh.  So….um, yeah. That lady was wack.

Advertisements

One thought on “Point Me the Way to Go Eff Yourself!

  1. What a wonderful post! Yes i often get orders like that from random people myself.

    I just reply;

    Me: “WHAT?! YOU HAVE GONORRHEA?!”

    Person: “No, I said show me the wa..”

    Me: “HAHAHA, YOU GOT GONORRHEA HAHAHAHA! HEY EVERYONE, DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE TO BUY CREAM FOR GONORRHEA,? COZ THIS LADY HAS GONORRHEA!”

    Person: ….looks around…scurries away

    Hahahaha! smells like VICTORY!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s