So I’m sitting in a half empty car and this guy in madras print shorts comes over and stands directly in front of me. Close. He leans forward and I figure he’s looking over my head to read the subway map. So I lean to the side. Dude was taking a while and I glance behind me to see if I was still blocking and notice there’s not a subway map, only an ad. And there’s really no need for him to stand cuz there were plenty of open seats. I sit there awkwardly for a while and take some papers out my bag and pretend to read. After I while I peek up at him and he was totally leering down at me like a letch. I look right back at my papers and shit my pants a little. He shifts to the side and I feel his cottony soft shorts brush against my knee and I move my legs farther under the seat. After a few stops he finally got off and I watch him walk out and then I turn round to completely survey the wall behind me. No. Maps. Anywhere.
Hey man, how about you get your plaid-patterned capris outta my space and go sit your ass down the other end of the car! I did not sign up for a train ride to Pervsville today. I’m just glad I didn’t feel a little poke comin’ thru — on my leg.
Well…he was kinda dreamy. Oh who am I kidding. I liked it. Every exhilarating second. I’ve never felt so alive! Outta the 3 other bitches on the train, he chose this one. Eat it, haters! I felt totally flattered, and I’d totally hit that. If Lady Fortune smiles on me, perhaps our paths shall cross again, and I sure as shit won’t let the dreamboat sail without me second time around!
Boy, the New York dating scene is exciting.