Here’s One Way to Win Ben Stein’s Money

bensteinWell, this be bizarre. And random. Also, ick nast. Who knew Ben Stein had such a thing for goldiggin’ “Eurasian” pregnant performance artists? Who wanted to know? Who wants to un-know it? *raises both hands*

Apparently Ben Stein first met 24yo former escort Tanya Ma at SFO, and they struck up a borderline (for those with zero boundaries) creepo relationship that started with texts, then some Snapchat-type content (y’all know what I’m talking about), progressed to Tonya asking for some monies to support her baby-to-be…and then quickly went south (shocker) after they agreed to meet in a hotel *but* Stein revealed he wanted to do gross old man stuff to her like hug and kiss her preggo body-ody-ody. LINE. CROSSED. In his defense, quoth Ben: “When is it wrong to hug people?” …..?…??…..

If you are a dirty masochist or a goldigger-in-training or now an even bigger Ben Stein fan (for shame), you can read more sordid details here.

I just know I’ll never be able to hear the words “Bueller….Bueller?” in the same way again…

Via Page Six & Dlisted

Buckwheat Groats: “Swag Like a Douchebag Racist”

I’ve never heard of these assclowns “Buckwheat Groats” — but their video “Swag Like An Asian” definitely takes the cake for most racist, misogynistic, douchebagtastic, Yelloxploitation brick of turd I’ve seen in a hot minute. All in one fell swoop.

I can’t even watch this more than once because the lyrics and images make me wanna choke their fugly mugs with their own fur coats and rip the chunky one’s face pubes out with my bare hands and feed it to him. From the “Asian bitches” sucking on his diamond dick chain, to lines like: “put some nuts on your girl that’s my kung pao chickenhead”, there’s just so much to rage at.

No thanks white boys, y’all ain’t cute and you can keep your back-handed, fetishistic Asian “tribute”. And sorry, but a laundry list of pan-Asian stereotypes does not a good rap video make. The ability to wrap your ignant minds around that is some #SWAG you’ll never have.

And we’ve said it before and we’ll say again: HIPSTER RACISM IS STILL RACISM!!!

via Angry Asian Man

Friday Fuckery: How to Date an Indonesian Woman

I’m not even gonna waste my time going into the infinity +1 reasons why this “secret how-to” video is all sorts of NO. Just have a squirt bottle of milk handy for your eyeballs to help flush the burning images of the shmarmiest, greasiest, leering-est douchebag to ever gaze directly into a camera and make you feel dirtier than finding your grandma’s vibrator.

“It’s TOO EASY”…”Know HOW and where to take her.” GAAAGGKK! Those shades! That permagrin! I snickered at first but I’m for serious puking right now. I thought Australians hated Asians? Apparently not enough to not stand unnecessarily close to one and coo in a low, breathy voice about “enjoying the best Jakarta has to offer”. It makes my bowels churn to know this exists.

Thanks Lou!

Friday Fuckery: Shit White Guys Say to Asian Girls

You know it was only a matter of time. And luckily, this video is done very well. And how do we judge that? Because this shit is true — and because it’s true, it’s funny. And a little sad. But you know…laugh to keep from cryin’ and all that jazz!

Real talk. Cheers to you, Cindy Fang of Grumpy Panda!

Now someone should step up and do a “Shit White Guys Say…to Asian Guys”. Or “Shit Asian Girls Say…to Asian Guys”. Even more real talk!

Friday Fuckery: Brenda Song + Trace Cyrus Gettin Marrieds

Today’s Friday Fuckery is brought to you by the decision of these two to take the first step in the magical journey towards divorce: actress Brenda Song (Disney’s The Suite Life of Zack & Cody and the role of psycho Asian tramp in The Social Network) and Trace Cyrus (brother of Miley, “musician”, high school dropout, and exemplar of poor decision-making).

Again, there is just no excuse for that breastplate. Maybe if you're an extra in a "Dances With Wolves" remake. Still, though.

Seriously.

That is all.

Friday Fuckery: I’m Wendi Deng, Trick!

By now you’ve seen the Wendi Deng pimp-slap that defended her bewildered, old-ass husband Rupert Murdoch from a shaving cream pie prankster. ‘Twas the smack heard round the world, and it’s spawned a gaggle of spoofs and tributes, including this delightful number from Grumpy Panda Films.

YO PUNK AZZ JUST GOT GOT!  Total booty-shakin’ material.  I expect to hear this up in the clubs by the weekend.

Thanks Lanlian!

Friday Fuckery: Weiner, You Fool

By now you’ve likely heard about US Representative Anthony Weiner’s twitpic trysts with six different women, both before and during his marriage. And you’ve probably seen Weiner’s weiner, which just might become the biggest internet meme since Pedobear. Not smart, Weiner. Did Brett Favre teach you nothing? Never leave a public record!

But the thing that really puts the “dickhead” in Weiner, needless to say, is that he went astray on his wife of less than a year. And yes, the qualities of the cheated-upon are irrelevant at the end of the day…but DAYUM. Weiner had the AUDACITY to step out on the goddess Huma Abedin (now pregnant with his child). A longtime aide and traveling chief of staff of Hillary Clinton, Abedin is obviously gifted and accomplished. And stunningly beautiful:

As in Freida Pinto/Halle Berry/Rosario Dawson supermodel-level gorgeous. And next to her, Wiener looks like a craggly brown paper bag of salamander jerky. Consider:

Ewwww. How Abedin could want to chew on a face like that is beyond me. Why did Weiner feel the need to send pics of his pecker to other women? (can someone please me tell why straight guys do this? Are there any women out there that find this appealing?) Was he feeling insecure in comparison to his obviously hotter wife? Whatever the reason — you blew it Weiner, and count your lucky balls that this woman who is light years out of your league has decided not to dump your ass (for now).  Stupid, stupid, wanker.