Archive for the Friday Fuckery Category

Friday Fuckery: Obama Booty Grab

Posted in All Class, Awesomeness, Creeptastic, Friday Fuckery, Hilarity, true wuv with tags , , , , , on February 17, 2012 by Cbruhs

While on a West coast fundraising tour, President Obama swung by unannounced to the Great Eastern Restaurant yesterday in San Francisco’s Chinatown to nab some takeout.

What ensued was a gaggle of ecstatic customers, a lot of handshaking, and a few old Chinese ladies partaking in a fistful of Presidential rumpus:

The expressions of the guy in the tan shirt and the Secret Service agent are the next best things about this photo.

Susan Walsh, Associated Press

That’s right, Chinese matrons appreciate a good ol’ rear squeeze as much as the next law-abiding, Buddha-revering civilian. But they have the cahones to do it brazenly in front of Secret Service, the American press, and their grandkids. And repeatedly:

Nothing woos a Prez like a flossin' COOGI sweater

Saul Loeb, AFP/Getty Images

Some onlookers will claim that such sweet seniors are virtuously bereft of all bawdy intent (or just short), but I say: THEY KNOW WHAT’S UP. If anyone is hip to using physical and social stature to honey badger through life — whither cutting in line at the bakery, running you over with a laundry cart, or taking the liberty to cop a patriotic feel, it’s your gangsta ass Ee Ma and Pau Pau. You know they’re gonna be bragging about their Mack Meemaw skills at the mah-jong table til next Lunar New Year.

Get some, golden gurls! I can’t wait til I’m an old Chinese lady and I can just grope with abandon, up to the very highest echelons of the American political system. Thus is the beauty and true meaning of democracy.

Cheers to Obama and the Granny Grab!

Thanks Sherilyn! – This seriously made my year.

source (and more heartwarming pics!): San Francisco Chronicle

Friday Fuckery: How to Date an Indonesian Woman

Posted in Barf Me Out, Bitch please!, Creeptastic, Douchebaggary, Friday Fuckery, Old white dudes with hawt young Asian chicks with tags , , , on February 10, 2012 by Cbruhs

I’m not even gonna waste my time going into the infinity +1 reasons why this “secret how-to” video is all sorts of NO. Just have a squirt bottle of milk handy for your eyeballs to help flush the burning images of the shmarmiest, greasiest, leering-est douchebag to ever gaze directly into a camera and make you feel dirtier than finding your grandma’s vibrator.

“It’s TOO EASY”…”Know HOW and where to take her.” GAAAGGKK! Those shades! That permagrin! I snickered at first but I’m for serious puking right now. I thought Australians hated Asians? Apparently not enough to not stand unnecessarily close to one and coo in a low, breathy voice about “enjoying the best Jakarta has to offer”. It makes my bowels churn to know this exists.

Thanks Lou!

Friday Fuckery: North Korean “Take on Me”

Posted in Awesomeness, Fo Yo Ears, Friday Fuckery with tags , , , on February 3, 2012 by Cbruhs

Think you’ve heard A-ha’s “Take on Me” so many times that you’ll gouge your eyeballs out next time it comes on in the frozen meats section?  Well, you can handle hearing it once more, especially because this version is pretty boss. Five North Korean students cover the iconic ’80s song and enhance it in the best way imaginable…with accordions.

Now if only they could star in their own pencil-sketch/live action music video:

Friday Fuckery: Mitt’s Office

Posted in Awesomeness, Causes Worth Your Cash, Friday Fuckery, HAWTNESS, Hilarity with tags , , , on January 27, 2012 by Cbruhs

Here’s yet another reason why I want to wifey up boyish, bushy-browed Justin Long:

Hilarious, foxy, AND lending his talents to a progressive political organization? This is why I keep hoping that “Long” is really an Asian name.

Thanks Sherilyn!

Friday Fuckery: Shit White Guys Say to Asian Girls

Posted in AUDACITY, Awesomeness, Douchebaggary, Friday Fuckery, Old white dudes with hawt young Asian chicks, white ppl booshit with tags , , , on January 13, 2012 by Cbruhs

You know it was only a matter of time. And luckily, this video is done very well. And how do we judge that? Because this shit is true — and because it’s true, it’s funny. And a little sad. But you know…laugh to keep from cryin’ and all that jazz!

Real talk. Cheers to you, Cindy Fang of Grumpy Panda!

Now someone should step up and do a “Shit White Guys Say…to Asian Guys”. Or “Shit Asian Girls Say…to Asian Guys”. Even more real talk!

Friday Fuckery: Prank Win!

Posted in Awesomeness, Friday Fuckery, Hilarity with tags , , on January 7, 2012 by Cbruhs

Check out this genius prank that involves two Japanese ladies, random passerby, and a serious case of the reverse Benjamin Buttons.

I’ve received this reaction many a time, but my old lady-ness is typically revealed in a bar as the other person gradually sobers up or when the lights come on at the end the night and they realize I’m not a drag queen. Shock and awe, y’all.

Thanks Sherdizz!

Friday Fuckery: Shirtless Abercrombie in Singapore

Posted in Friday Fuckery, HAWTNESS with tags , , , on December 9, 2011 by Cbruhs

I’m not a big fan of Abercrombie (its clothes OR its racist T-shirts and discriminatory practices towards employees of color), but what I AM a fan of is shirtless men. And since it’s been a long ass week and we could all use a little reward for our eyeballs, I’m reposting some pics from the shirtless army that accompanied the opening of the A&F flagship store in Singapore today. Aaa-oo-gahh!

photo by Desmond Lim

My only gripe is: just five of the 40 models were local! Could use more Singaporean. And less open-toed sandals.

Whoops! Abercrotch.

photo by Desmond Lim

Double whoops.

photo by Desmond Lim

Check out more photos of manly chesticles here.

Thanks Char Char!

Friday Fuckery: CHUMBO, NYC!

Posted in Appropriation, AUDACITY, Douchebaggary, Friday Fuckery, Hipster Racism, Inconsiderate-ness, This Will Make YOu Cry with tags , , , , on December 2, 2011 by Cbruhs

What do you get when you marry gentrification with self-absorbed “creative types” and a splash of exotification?

CHUMBO! NYC’s latest “cool” neighborhood (sorry Bushwick)! Known among the common folk as uh, Chinatown or East Chinatown — new settlers (read: high-rent, non-Asian, yipsters) have taken it upon themselves to unofficially re-name their new “hood” by combining Chinatown & Dumbo to reflect it’s um, edginess. Synergy!

A recent Wall Street Journal article called “Cool Arrives in a Slice of Chinatown” gives an earnest nod to the up-and-coming CHUMBO!, saying: “Upscale restaurants such as Fat Radish and Pulqueria and nightclubs such as the soon-to-open Le Baron have popped up as the Lower East Side nightlife district spills into Chinatown, bringing with them fashionistas, expensive cocktails and new high-rise apartments” (Curbed gives a more critical angle here).

The WSJ also profiles several of the newer residents, who naturally come off like pretentious douchebags. Billy Rennekamp, a 25-year-old artist who decided to move to Bayard Street (arrrrghh!! nooo!) from Berlin, says “[Chinatown] is the last cool neighborhood on the island (Gaakk!)….the most attractive place for an artist today”. (BLARG!) “It’s a typical setting for avant-garde activity.” FFFFFUUUUU!

Yes, I can just imagine Billy being totally avant-garde by shoving his Canon EOS IDs Mark III into the face of some old Pau Pau struggling across Bayard with her sacks of groceries. White people love doing that shit. Cutting-edge cultural exposé, dude!

Uh, your avant-ness is blocking traffic, Billy.

So who loses in all of this giddy trendiness? Low-income, longtime Asian residents of course, who due to limited English, mobility, poverty, and a host of other reasons, are severely restricted in their choice of places to live. The most obvious, and thus saddest, quote from the article is from Yan Chen, “a 19-year-old resident concerned about being able to live in the neighborhood and with people she grew up with: “Chinatown is important for Chinese people“.

What can be done to protect the ethnic integrity of a neighborhood, and thus the people whose cultural and economic well-being are dependent upon it? Community-based advocacy groups CAAAV Organizing Asian Communities and the Urban Justice Center released a report yesterday  that: ...offers up an alternative vision for rezoning Chinatown and calls for the creation of a Special Zoning District around the area. “Reimaging Rezoning” is based on extensive community research…The report highlights the need for protections for residents and businesses and details how rezoning the area can curb harassment and gentrification. Read “Reimaging Rezoning: A Chinatown for Residents is a Chinatown for All” here.

via Curbed and Wall Street Journal

Thanks Char Char! Keep an eye out and a bottle of hot fish sauce for Billy!

Friday Fuckery: Forever 21′s Oriental/Native Girl Joorees

Posted in Appropriation, AUDACITY, Friday Fuckery, Hipster Racism with tags , , , on November 4, 2011 by Cbruhs

Clothing giant Forever 21, owned by the Chang family (who BTW are devout Christians…check the John 3:16 printed on the bottom of each bag), is no stranger to controversy. They’ve been boycotted by factory workers for poor working conditions and back payroll, featured in the sweatshop documentary Made in L.A., and even sued by Gwen Stefani for ripping off her Harajuku Lovers designs (O, the irony!).

More recently, they’ve been called out for selling apparel that is sexist or plays on racial stereotypes and motifs, such as “Navajo” panties and bags (following suit with Urban Outfitters). Apparently, Forever has no intention of curbing this sort of merch, as Fashionista‘s Dhani Mau  spotted Native American girl and “Oriental Girl” necklaces just this week. One woman has started a petition to remove the necklace — which is for serious called “Oriental Girl”– here).

images via Fashionista

A quick browse of the Forever 21 site turns up other similarly questionable items:

This makes me sad. Aside from the obvious reasons, Forever is like, one out of three places I ever shop. Get your shit together Forever, so I can buy my cheap poly-blend threads guilt-free!

Thanks Char Char!

Friday Fuckery: Ling Valentine Leases Cars

Posted in All Class, Awesomeness, Friday Fuckery, model minority with tags , , , on October 21, 2011 by Cbruhs

…Like a BAOOUUWS!


Ling Valentine is a Chinese British immigrant whose star has fast risen to become the UK Queen of car leasing — selling over £1m worth of cars every month through her site LINGsCARS.com (which is likely to give you a seizure).

On her Twitter, she describes herself as: “Boss of LINGsCARS.com – Female Chinese immigrant in UK. I speak Chinglish, have a Chemistry degree and a Masters in Environmental stuff. I’m real, reply & bite.”

She advertises her biz by parking a Chinese Nuclear Missile Truck and a London double decker bus along the A-1 Highway, which has apparently been a very successful marketing strategy.

In 2007, Ling appeared on the show Dragons’ Den (the US counterpart is Shark Tank) to pitch her business to a bunch of loaded tycoons. One investor actually offered her £25,000 for a 20% share of the company…and she shot him down!

Not only did Ling reject the offer whilst wearing green raver pants, she threw in: “Well, Chinese eat dragons for breakfast…Thank you for your money. I refuse it.” BOOM!! PWNED! Ling Valentine is my hero.

via Dlisted — thanks!

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 28 other followers