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Friday Fuckery: Oh WHAT You Have SEX with Your Sex Doll? EWWWWW

Posted in All Class, Creeptastic, Friday Fuckery, Robots, Science! with tags , , , on April 26, 2013 by aznheartthrob

dolllaptop

Seriously all you do is have sex with your made-to-look-real silicon sex doll? If that’s all you do, then you are missing out on oh-so much my friend.

In what may be the greatest use of the in-browser Google Translator service in Google Chrome, the Japanese website http://dollroom.sakura.ne.jp/ is run by someone I can only assume is a Japanese dude who lives alone in a Tokyo studio apartment. Someone who loves video games, magic tricks and trying on clothes.

See, the genius (or absolute creepiness) of this website is that dude treats his sex doll like a blogger who nonchalantly reviews the very latest in iPads, Wii’s and anything else he can get a hold of. The creepy stills creates a story that gets creepier and creepier as you scroll down. It would be funny if it was created ironically by a comedy troupe in LA trying to make it big online. But done up by a dude on his own in his Tokyo apartment since as far back as the Sega Dreamcast was popular kinda makes this particular website the one that rules them ALL. And by ALL I mean sex doll product review websites.

I’m actually surprised there’s only a HANDFULL of super creepy posts, such as Sakura sex doll trying on a school girl outfit.

dolloutfit

Or trying on a bathing suit (she even covers herself up while changing just like any girl I’ve ever gone to the beach with!). But seriously, there’s comedy gold here. Like her review of a Blu Ray player and Toy Story’s Woody popping out of the screen (OH HEY THAT’S A TOTAL SET UP! How you go tricking Sakura Sex Doll like that!).

dolldvd

My only problem is she reviewed some vibrators and ours wasn’t one of them :(

dolldildo

BUT she did live out my childhood dream of meeting a girl who has every Nintendo system ever… damn, are you SURE she’s not real? ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY SURE???dollnintendo

Originally posted at Yellow Peril Dildo’s blog.

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Katy Perry’s Cupcake Brigade

Posted in All Class, AUDACITY, Bitch please!, Creeptastic with tags , , , , on June 19, 2012 by Cbruhs

After appearing with a posse of mini-me’s at the Toronto MuchMusic Awards on Sunday, Katy Perry received a lot of flak for one little girl’s costume in particular…the infamous getup from the “California Gurls” video. As in cupcakes over her (non)breasts and pretty pretty please with red cherries on top.

photo by George Pimentel/Getty Images

I’m with Jezebel here…there’s no question this is an extreme fuckup in judgment, an indicator of the hypersexualization of females from a young age, and just plain gross.

But I also want to point out another f*cked up thing about these tarted up tots….WHY DOES THE ASIAN GIRL HAVE TO BE THE NERDY ONE?

And I don’t even know what’s going on with the girl on the far right here, as we pan out further:

All implications about the relationship between race and the military-industrial complex aside, this lil’ lady just ain’t into it….ADORBS!! Gals, you’re all fireworks! KATY PERRY 4EVA!

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Friday Fuckery: Obama Booty Grab

Posted in All Class, Awesomeness, Creeptastic, Friday Fuckery, Hilarity, true wuv with tags , , , , , on February 17, 2012 by Cbruhs

While on a West coast fundraising tour, President Obama swung by unannounced to the Great Eastern Restaurant yesterday in San Francisco’s Chinatown to nab some takeout.

What ensued was a gaggle of ecstatic customers, a lot of handshaking, and a few old Chinese ladies partaking in a fistful of Presidential rumpus:

The expressions of the guy in the tan shirt and the Secret Service agent are the next best things about this photo.

Susan Walsh, Associated Press

That’s right, Chinese matrons appreciate a good ol’ rear squeeze as much as the next law-abiding, Buddha-revering civilian. But they have the cahones to do it brazenly in front of Secret Service, the American press, and their grandkids. And repeatedly:

Nothing woos a Prez like a flossin' COOGI sweater

Saul Loeb, AFP/Getty Images

Some onlookers will claim that such sweet seniors are virtuously bereft of all bawdy intent (or just short), but I say: THEY KNOW WHAT’S UP. If anyone is hip to using physical and social stature to honey badger through life — whither cutting in line at the bakery, running you over with a laundry cart, or taking the liberty to cop a patriotic feel, it’s your gangsta ass Ee Ma and Pau Pau. You know they’re gonna be bragging about their Mack Meemaw skills at the mah-jong table til next Lunar New Year.

Get some, golden gurls! I can’t wait til I’m an old Chinese lady and I can just grope with abandon, up to the very highest echelons of the American political system. Thus is the beauty and true meaning of democracy.

Cheers to Obama and the Granny Grab!

Thanks Sherilyn! – This seriously made my year.

source (and more heartwarming pics!): San Francisco Chronicle

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Friday Fuckery: How to Date an Indonesian Woman

Posted in Barf Me Out, Bitch please!, Creeptastic, Douchebaggary, Friday Fuckery, Old white dudes with hawt young Asian chicks with tags , , , on February 10, 2012 by Cbruhs

I’m not even gonna waste my time going into the infinity +1 reasons why this “secret how-to” video is all sorts of NO. Just have a squirt bottle of milk handy for your eyeballs to help flush the burning images of the shmarmiest, greasiest, leering-est douchebag to ever gaze directly into a camera and make you feel dirtier than finding your grandma’s vibrator.

“It’s TOO EASY”…”Know HOW and where to take her.” GAAAGGKK! Those shades! That permagrin! I snickered at first but I’m for serious puking right now. I thought Australians hated Asians? Apparently not enough to not stand unnecessarily close to one and coo in a low, breathy voice about “enjoying the best Jakarta has to offer”. It makes my bowels churn to know this exists.

Thanks Lou!

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Hello Kitty X Hooters

Posted in All Class, AUDACITY, Barf Me Out, Creeptastic, WTF?! with tags , , on February 7, 2012 by Cbruhs

Apparently it was inevitable that the Hello Kitty New World Order would eventually include questionably-themed chain restaurants…the predominant among them being motherluvin’ HOOTERS (in Japan).

And the first 1,000 customers who go to Hooters Tokyo and order uh, “The Volcano of Love” special Valentine’s parfait get Hello Kitty Hooters pins. Yippee!!

All this HK cross-branding is really starting to destroy my wholesome childhood memories of buying HK pencils and stickers and other useless, yet nonsexualized crap. I mean, HK doesn’t even have a mouth, let alone A PAIR OF JUGS fer Chrissakes…so WHY is she dressed in that loathsome, vile uniform of tan hose/white Reeboks/hazmat coochie cutters? You’re better than that, Hello Kitty!!

Who exactly is the audience for this marketing?

Confusing. And unnecessary. I would very much like to eat that parfait though.

Thanks Char Char!

Source

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Super Bowl Ad Fuckery

Posted in Barf Me Out, Bitch please!, Blame China!, booshit, Creeptastic, Douchebaggary, fucktards, WTF?! with tags , , , , , on February 6, 2012 by Cbruhs

I’m not a big one for sports, but I do like looking at spandex and tattoos, so this year I gladly plunked my butt on the couch for a four-hour long excuse to binge on BBQ chicken wings, Costco Andre champagne, and of course — taking in the multimillion dollar Superbowl Ad Extravaganza. And my stars, was this year a doozy.

Remember 2011′s Groupon ad that portrayed Tibetans as a tragic, dying culture, but — huzzah! — out of which savvy customers could still score a cheap fish curry?

Well, this year did not disappoint on the racism and sexism fronts. The worst offender being Michigan Senate candidate Pete Hoesktra’s political ad, which showed an Asian woman biking through a rice paddy (cue gongs) and saying in broken English: “...Your economy get very weak. Ours get very good. We take your jobs….”

(And if you think you’re angry now, check out Hoekstra’s even more ludicrous ching chongy website).

The ad was quickly condemned by a Michigan coalition of Black ministers, APIA Vote, other Republicans, and basically anyone who’s not a dipshit. Hoekstra lamely defended himself by saying the ad is “satirical” and not about race.

Moving on! Apparently advertisers are still clinging onto that time-honored marketing adage: “sex sells…especially if it’s like, absurdly, offensively, Mad Men-level sexist”. Jezebel and Mother Jones did great pieces on the plethora of creepy Super Bowl ads that trotted out the tired female = sex object formula to sell cars, web domains (GoDaddy.com, of course), and even uh, M&Ms.

The ad that made me shudder and want to kick an ad exec in the balls the most was from Teleflora:

This is just a big dripping ball of lechery — from the cheap porno soundtrack to Adriana Lima’s lascivious close ups to the blatant “give…and you shall receive…Happy Valentines night.” Do people really still think that throwing 50 bucks towards flowers or dinner or some crap is what it takes to get a woman to fuck you? Insulting to both sexes, and viewers probably don’t appreciate how uncomfortable and unfortunate it is to watch this with your kids or (in my case) parents and grandparents.

Fortunately the organization Miss Representation launched the brilliant Twitter hashtag #NotBuyingIt, which allows viewers to talk back and let companies know how they feel about the use of women in only highly sexualized contexts — or left out altogether (as in the case of this men-only Best Buy ad on tech innovators):

Ain’t no truth in advertising here.

Source

See Jezebel’s list of 10 female tech innovators that should have been included here.

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Friday Fuckery: Brenda Song + Trace Cyrus Gettin Marrieds

Posted in Barf Me Out, Creeptastic, Friday Fuckery, Old white dudes with hawt young Asian chicks with tags , , , , on October 14, 2011 by Cbruhs

Today’s Friday Fuckery is brought to you by the decision of these two to take the first step in the magical journey towards divorce: actress Brenda Song (Disney’s The Suite Life of Zack & Cody and the role of psycho Asian tramp in The Social Network) and Trace Cyrus (brother of Miley, “musician”, high school dropout, and exemplar of poor decision-making).

Again, there is just no excuse for that breastplate. Maybe if you're an extra in a "Dances With Wolves" remake. Still, though.

Seriously.

That is all.

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Friday Fuckery: Oriental Demons!!

Posted in Creeptastic, Friday Fuckery, WTF?! with tags , , on October 7, 2011 by Cbruhs

At first I thought this video clip on “Oriental demons” was about Michelle Malkin, but it turns out these god-fearin folks are talking about none other than those much-beloved Pokémons!

Y’know, sometimes I too have been accused of turning into an “Oriental demon” after a few shots of whateversinfrontofme, and am also easily led into fighting random street animals. I hope the Club36 Watchmen don’t come after my candy ass! Blame it on the Goose, blame it on Henny!

p.s. – WHERE do you get 100 ravens?

via angry asian man

thanks Loubs!

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Tay Ba Lo’ing Through Viet Nam 2.0

Posted in AUDACITY, Creeptastic, white ppl booshit with tags , , , on September 5, 2011 by aznheartthrob

In the old days before youtube, vimeo, HD DSLRs and iMovie, you (and by you I mean European tourist with a big ass bag travelling through Asia) would pass through Viet Nam and be done with it. What happens in Viet Nam stays in Viet Nam. These Tay Ba Lo’s, which translates to Westerner with a big ass bag, would be everywhere and anywhere. Bangkok, Hanoi, Hong Kong. Passing through. Sometimes they were good folks, sometimes they were assholes, but mostly they were Australian. So why am I blabbering on about these folks? Cause I don’t think I’ve ever really enjoyed their presence in any of the countries I’ve ever been too. They were always drinking way to much, or not understanding something someone was saying, bargaining 2 cents off something worth 50 cents, or taking pictures of people without their permission. And now, with the invention of DSLRs that take some sick ass HD video and vimeo, followed up by a Macbook with iMovie installed, everyone can be Francis Ford Coppola filming the infamous Me Love You scene in Apocalypse Now. Which means this whole blog post is a very long explanation of why I’m part mesmerized and part annoyed by this video:

If your first thought while watching that video were any of the following:

  • Oh shit those girls are HOT!
  • Oh shit that food looks good!
  • Oh shit that shit is exotic!
  • Oh shit, that song is straight out of a Gilles Peterson compilation!
Then you’re most likely the 80% of the view count who don’t really understand what Asia really is about. Maybe its because I’m old or I’ve lost the flame to care enough to get angry. But mostly I just think its because I’m going to be doing the same thing in Scandinavia this year, so maybe you can call it reverse racism or a payback for Colonialism. I’ll probably even lay a sweet Sigur Ros track on my video and take some nice candid shots of blue eyed/blonde haired girls eating fermented shark. revenge.

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Robot Snog

Posted in Barf Me Out, Creeptastic, Pooped my Draws, Robots, WTF?! with tags , , on July 27, 2011 by Cbruhs

WHY do people think it’s a good idea to keep making robots that do human things — like singing pop songs or acting as a proxy for loved ones? (I know this particular robotofuckery is almost a year old, but we have a “Robots” category here at BCB that obligates me to bitch about it anyway).

These lovebirds have been developed by the National Taiwan University of Science and Technology, and are “theatrical robots” named Thomas and Janet. Y’ know, just doin what regular ol’ THEATRICAL ROBOTS do — like practicing their method acting, playing Story Story Die, and rehearsing the kiss scene from Phantom of the Opera.

Hold up. Is there some sort of market out there creating demand for android thespians (and don’t we already have enough unemployed human actors)?  I mean some actors do deliver their lines like they were programmed into them, but at least they are generally pleasing to look at.  These robots aren’t even hot. Look at their slack-jawed stupid rubbery faces! Something is terribly wrong with that dude-robot’s sinewy neck and his matted, low-hanging hairline. And the girl-robot is giving us some serious Arnie Grape face .

And you call that a snog? That’s like the Kevin-Winnie pre-teen Wonder Years kiss. There’s no jawing, no tongue, no repressed gagging — and we’re supposed to be convinced?!? It’s called “sucking face” for a reason.

Thanks robots, for ruining an activity that I enjoyed partaking in on a thrice-yearly basis (I demand that people smooch on me on my birthday, Jeebus’ birthday, and Samhain. Say! Did I mention my birthday was just a couple days…where are you going?).

via Buzzfeed

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