Gwen Defends Harajuku Girls

Gwen-Stefani-5-The-Harajuku-Girls2Gwen & Katy Perry must be BFFs or have the same publicist or image coach or something, because the delusion runs equally thick with these two. Throw Madonna in there and you got the Grand Trifecta of Asian-appropriating white women (with Avril Lavigne clutching at their coattails).

When recently asked by TIME Magazine if she regretted her whole “Harajuku Girls” fetish phase from 2004, Gwen gave a resounding:

“No…. For me, everything that I did with the Harajuku Girls was just a pure compliment and being a fan. You can’t be a fan of somebody else? Or another culture? Of course you can. Of course you can celebrate other cultures. That’s what Japanese culture and American culture have done. It’s like I say in the song [“Harajuku Girls”]: it’s a ping-pong match. We do something American, they take it and they flip it and make it so Japanese and so cool. And we take it back and go, “Whoa, that’s so cool!” That’s so beautiful. It’s a beautiful thing in the world, how our cultures come together. I don’t feel like I did anything but share that love. You can look at it from a negative point of view if you want to, but get off my cloud. Because, seriously, that was all meant out of love.

Oh yes, by “celebrate”, she means: shut up, get in back, and kowtow, sidekicks!

Screen Shot 2014-12-09 at 4.35.59 PMAnd “Get off my cloud”? AHAHAHAAA what foolery. So is she supposed to be an angel or goddess or something? Ridiculous as that sounds, Stefani may have just coined the new catchphrase for self-important pop co-opters (paging Iggy Iggy and Mileyyyyy). Oh, but it gets better:

“…They were dancers that were cast, but they became real. One girl was a Japanese girl that grew up in L.A., and she got to hang around with three different Japanese girls that were from different places in Japan and had different backgrounds. They became best friends, and she got to go to Japan and see her heritage and see how we are all the same.”

Because they weren’t real people to begin with, just mute, cutesy pets yeah? And Gwen’s basically saying, “YOU’RE WELCOME, HJG #3″ and taking credit for helping one of her props dancers wake up and smell the matcha and connect with her Supaaa Kawaiiii peeeoopleessss.

But really this is not surprising, coming from someone with a long and illustrious bindi-wearing, “Indian Princess” cosplaying, Ska-appropriating history. And I almost ralphed when Gwen “BUKK BUKK BBUKK!!!”-ed through Anita Antoinette’s Bob Marley audition on The Voice. Ugh, take a seat and turn it back around.

via Dlisted

Here’s One Way to Win Ben Stein’s Money

bensteinWell, this be bizarre. And random. Also, ick nast. Who knew Ben Stein had such a thing for goldiggin’ “Eurasian” pregnant performance artists? Who wanted to know? Who wants to un-know it? *raises both hands*

Apparently Ben Stein first met 24yo former escort Tanya Ma at SFO, and they struck up a borderline (for those with zero boundaries) creepo relationship that started with texts, then some Snapchat-type content (y’all know what I’m talking about), progressed to Tonya asking for some monies to support her baby-to-be…and then quickly went south (shocker) after they agreed to meet in a hotel *but* Stein revealed he wanted to do gross old man stuff to her like hug and kiss her preggo body-ody-ody. LINE. CROSSED. In his defense, quoth Ben: “When is it wrong to hug people?” …..?…??…..

If you are a dirty masochist or a goldigger-in-training or now an even bigger Ben Stein fan (for shame), you can read more sordid details here.

I just know I’ll never be able to hear the words “Bueller….Bueller?” in the same way again…

Via Page Six & Dlisted

America’s Porn Searches by Fetish, by State, and by Duration

I’m a big fan of infographics and this one may be the most fascinating one yet. Now we know what people are searching for on Pornhub (I’d probably say its THE most popular site for free, and paid, porn on the web) — and it’s aggregated BY STATE!

Now we know which states are into the most deviant shit (I’m looking at you Colorado, Kansas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Tennessee, West Virginia; AKA the “Cream Pie” Belt), the most strangest stuff (“Anita Queen” is what-now, Nevada?), the most puzzling (Kentucky and “hentai”? Really?), the most indecisive (I’m looking at you “compilation” lovers), the most “Ebony”-loving Southern states (Yay Civil Rights(?)) and the most inexplicable (Mississippians’ site visit durations last the longest AND they’re most  into “teen” porn? That just seems wrong). Take a look at the map and go deeper (pun intended) into the statistical analysis (pun intended) here. The following is further commentary from AzN and Cbruhs in case you wanted to know what we think of “smoking”, “creampies” and the “ebony” loving south.

pornhub

Cbruhs: Hahaha “Asian” in Washington and California! “Hentai” in Kentucky LOLZ. And WTF is “Anita Queen”?

AzN: We are PROUD to be from Washington and California…I guess? Californians are into: “Asian”, “Teen”, “Massage”? Putting them all together is really really wrong tho. And I have no idea what “Anita Queen” is. I’m afraid to google it. Maybe it means “I need a QUEEN?”

Cbruhs: Just googlied it. I guess its a person?

AzN: Remind me never to visit any of the “compilation” or “creampie” states ever again. There must be a reason why they are also my least favorite states. And now I know why.

Cbruhs: WTH is “compilation”?

AzN: I don’t know. But if I were to guess, it’s a “compilation” of one thing that’s snippets from several scenes… For the quantity over quality types. (editor’s note: I totally know what “compilation” means)

Cbruhs: I just googled “cream pie” and it was not what I thought it was and I also threw up in my mouth then cried a little.

AzN: That’s just how you make babies! Or so I read on WebMD.

Cbruhs: Interesting that Utah has no data on this map. I heard that they’re the state that watches the most porn (Mormons). Also, Wyoming is into “smoking”? I don’t even wanna know. Dare we google it? Also, there are a LOT of “cream pie” states. I’m pretty terrified.

AzN: Maybe people are searching for “smoking” cause they don’t know what it is. (editor’s note: I totally know what this means too).

Cbruhs: Gawd, “Cream pie” must be the biggest euphemism ever.

AzN: It’s pretty literal dude. Its kinda a sick word now that I think about it. “CREAM PIE”.

Cbruhs: NO! IT’S NOT LITERAL! It is NOT a yummy treat! So…”smoking” is just people smoking while doing it? Wow, Wyoming is pretty tame compared to its neighbors.

AzN: It’s probably the worst porn on that list.

Cbruhs: I guess that depends on one’s definition of “worst”.  And smoking while doing it just sounds dangerous. ¡PERO CUIDADO! Don’t burn the house down!

AzN: Why is South Dakota the only state into “POV” (point of view) porn? Is it cause their daily lives are boring so they need to watch porn through someone else’s eyes?

Cbruhs: …

AzN: And Alabama, Georgia, and Louisiana are the only states into “ebony” porn? I would connect this to the 50th anniversary of the “I Have a Dream” speech somehow, but I don’t want to go to hell.

Cbruhs: You’ve crossed the line.

Okay, Chris Brown: “Fine China”

So “Fine China” — the new single by Chris “Forever (Flared Nostrils)” Brown — dropped last week. Which apparently, involves him stealing off with a triad boss’s daughter and gallivanting through the underworlds of Chinatown — rather than delicately sipping Lipton while getting hollered at by Mo’Nique on VH1’s Charm School, as I had hoped.

Because being romantically involved with an Asian girl always entails breaking her shackles of Asian male oppression, Chris the Fist also beats up an entire tong of Asian dudes. Just watch:

Uh, okay gurl. And what in Mongolian Izaac Mizrahi for Target hell is Ling (?!?) wearing? Is she really getting in the car with him? Best wear some shoes you can run in, girl.

The Difficult Brown can dress like a twink ventriloquist newsie all he wants, but “it’s alright, I’m not dangerous” is just not convincing me. And I’m normally a big fan of dance-fighting, but we’re supposed to believe a gold bowtie-wearing agitated beaver can whoop a whole Chinatown gang without even using his teeth?

The only redeeming quality about this video is Ling’s poopface at the 0:32 mark. That really says it all.

UPDATE: OK, I lied. The other redeeming quality about this video is the Octopus move at the 3:47 mark. I’m obsessed with it and have been consistently practicing in front of the mirror and loved ones since this posting, so I can bust it out at the club this weekend with my cousins (see you at Tia Lou’s!).

ALSO, the song has annoyingly been stuck in my head for days, and I’m gonna blame that on the blatant MJ rip-offs. It’s like they just took ‘Billie Jean’, threw it into a derivative remix app for iPhone — and donezo.

 

‘SAFE’ AKA ‘Jason Statham Snuffs More Asians’

Oh, look — another Jason Statham movie. This one is called SAFE, and the drama revolves around a girl who’s an orphaned math prodigy and can memorize anything. And she’s Asian, so that makes sense. And this Asian girl is going to be saved by Statham’s character cuz he’s a destitute, mediocre (but white!) cage fighter, and because her fellow AZNs are exploiting her by ruthlessly using her maths skills for gambling. This necessitates much ass-whupping of random Asian gangsters and a buttload of shoot ‘em ups in dark, smoky Chinatown haunts…à la the White Knight/Orientalism formula and the typical Statham movie.

At least Bai Ling won’t be making a repeat appearance as Grimy Clingy Hooker in this one:

Vice Magazine Does it Again

These Asian girl loving/asian men hating muthf*ckers at Vice Magazine did it again. After all that time I spent compiling that list of the cutter mag’s Do’s & Don’t list to show how much they love them some AzN women and hate on us men, Vice Magazine’s Do’s and Don’t: Asian Cutterz, they do it one more time.

Do’s: 

"There’s a lot our kids can learn from a hobo, like how to roll a joint using only a $20 bill and a small Asian woman."

Don’t:

"News flash, Asian Jesus. Pink scrotum tote bags don’t make you look less like a piece of shit."

We get it Vice, Asian girls are so fucking hot and go so well with your Ray Bans. Asian guys creep the hell out of me too, especially when they’re on their way home from the dim sum restaurant you and your girlfriend love going to so f’n much.