Archive for the Awesomeness Category

Subway Badonk FTW

Posted in AUDACITY, Awesomeness, Douchebaggary, Hipster Racism, please!, Point & Counterpoint with tags , , , , , , on April 17, 2014 by Cbruhs

subwaybutt

Damn, can the author of this NYMag post do a better job of disguising his thinly veiled, seething envy?

In his post, “How Not to Use Your Butt on the Subway, in One Extreme Photo”, Joe Coscarelli describes the above subway situation thus: “On the scale of underground nightmares, it is somewhere amongst a wild rat and a man eating a large chunk of cheese with his hands.”

Please. You can stop clutching your pearls over this one, Joe. I’m pretty sure Survey Says juicy booty > a rat running twixt your toes on the way to work. Every time.

And anyone who’s ridden a jolting NY subway knows that standing in the aisle is a precarious position. While people who lean their whole damn back against the pole during rush hour embody the spirit of RUDE, this lady’s immediate area doesn’t look too crowded. This is obviously a smart, hands-free leveraging of assets — she’s able to text whilst anchoring her center of gravity — so she doesn’t go flying headfirst down the train car as it pulls out of 42nd St. You gotta use all the tools in your toolbox, ladies.

Methinks that in addition to sounding like a snotty, elitist (vaguely racist and sexist?) dickbag, Joe doth protest too much. Were that he had such a triumphant BIG REAR DON’T CURR bringin all the bois to the backyard all DAT AZZ. Oh how he WISHES. Can’t keep your eyes off that fatty, daddy, huh?

Joe also describes the expression of the girl on the left as one of  “abject horror” and proclaims, “We stand with you, Side-Eye Girl.”

First off, I wouldn’t say that chick looks so much “horrified”, as contemplative-bordering-on-admirational. She’s all, “Hmmm…now why didn’t I think of that? Note to self: Sensible. Functional. GLORIOUS.”  An all-out Side-Eye, this is not (and I am a Side-Eye conoisseur, bishes). As far as the “we stand with you” part — speak for yourself, Joe!

To the contrary: Resourceful sunshine jeggings subway pole woman, we SALUTE you!

 

via NYMag.com

Thanks Char Char!

‘Hello’ Taiwan!

Posted in Awesomeness, Fo Yo Ears, Guest Post, Happenins, Zen with tags , , , , , , , , , , on March 24, 2014 by Cbruhs

Hello_albumcover

Hello! Dawen here. When I wrote this I was blogging from thousands of feet up in the air, somewhere across the Pacific.  I can’t even begin to describe how it feels to be returning home to the States after being away for nearly two years. On Tuesday March 25th I’ll be joining Canadian singer-songwriter Wanting in Seattle, as part of the West Coast leg of her Say The Words Tour. We kicked it off in Los Angeles and continued to San Francisco and then Portland by tour bus.

Wantingtour
So how on earth did I get here?  It seems so unreal to me sometimes when I think about it. The short end of it: About three years ago, famed Taiwanese music producer Adia saw my cover of Bruno Mars’ “Just The Way You Are” (produced by my brother George Wang) on YouTube and passed it along to Universal Music Taiwan.  Universal Music then contacted me through YouTube to ask about my musical background. You can imagine how skeptical I was when I first received a message like that –  a short one sent through YouTube from someone claiming to be Universal. I thought it was a joke, initially. I soon realized that the inquiry was legitimate, and after extensive video chats and a trip to Taipei, I signed with Universal Music Taiwan in 2012.

Upon arriving in Taipei, the first thing I did was enroll in Chinese language class. Although I considered myself bilingual, I quickly realized that my conversational vocabulary was seriously lacking. And if my goal was to someday write lyrics as well as music in Chinese, I would have to improve my speaking and writing comprehension. I went to school for six months, all the while working to expand my fluency.  The following year was a series of personal and cultural developments that culminated in my debut Mandarin album Hello (Nihao) on Christmas Eve of last year.

Universal Taiwan

Hello is distinctly different from my indie album American Me. Nine of the album’s ten songs were written after moving to Taiwan and are in Mandarin. Writing in Mandarin also meant that I had to completely reconsider how I think about melody and how it relates to culture. At first I would write in English and translate it to Chinese, but often the result wasn’t very good — so I abandoned that method very early on (which goes to show that just because something sounds good in English, doesn’t necessarily mean that it will sound good in another language).

The title track ‘Hello’ was the first time I ever tried writing completely in Chinese, and you can hear how rudimentary and direct the lyrics are.  ;)  Musically, Hello features more acoustic Pop, in contrast to the R&B /Soul of American MeHello is not a complete 180 though, in terms of style. ‘Acid Rain’ features a groove that is very much in the vein of American Me, and my song ‘Shoes’ (the only English language track on the album) that I wrote for Kollaboration Acoustic 4 back in 2010  — was finally recorded and points to my earlier jazz-influenced piano style.

Dawen王大文-1

* * *
I do want to acknowledge how important the Asian American community has been to me and how grateful I am to each and every one of you who have supported me from all the beginning. A particular shout out goes to the blogosphere: Bicoastal Bitchin’, AngryAsianMan, 8Asians, A-Tunes, not to mention my fam at TaiwaneseAmerican.org, Kollaboration and Tuesday Night Project!! I love you guys and can’t wait to see you all.

Hello is out on iTunes and Spotify, so give it a listen when you get the chance. The other person I want to acknowledge is my older brother George. In addition to knowing me for as long as I’ve been alive, Geh has been my best friend and number one supporter, as well witness to all the past highs and lows. It’s safe to say that if he didn’t light that fire under my ass I would not be on this flight coming home. I couldn’t wait to land at LAX, meet my brother, smother Sweet Pea the dog, and take my shoes off when I got in the door.

Happy Holidaze from BCB

Posted in All Class, AUDACITY, Awesomeness, Bitch please!, For Us By Us, white ppl booshit with tags , , , , , , , on December 19, 2013 by Cbruhs
I was promised Damon Wayans.

Needs more Wayans

Season’s Greetings! Happy Kwanzaa! Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Joyous Festivus! Sing Daan Fai Lok!!

You've in general been a disappointment this year (again) but since you insist on staying single long past your expiration date (mHo! mHo! mHo!), I am obliged to give you some lay see cash.

You’ve in general been a disappointment this year (again) but since you insist on staying single long past your expiration date (mHo! mHo! mHo!) tradition dictates that I give you cold, hard cash.

May you have spike in your nog, a log in your yule, and after 7pm on the 25th — we’ll see you and your cousins at the club!

And for all of you (riffraff) attending SantaCon — or your obligatory company holiday party, may I suggest the following as part of your festive ensemble:

Insert Power first in upper right

Insert Power Fist in upper right

Party time!
Dance, I said. Get on up!

This Xmas Eve I’m looking forward to our yearly tradition of going to my godmother’s and getting tipsy on Andre’s and homemade rum cake, goaded into a James Brown Christmas dance-a-thon (I’m serious, no camcorders this year) and BLACK SANTAS EVERYWHERE all black everything black on black, blacks on blacks on blacks on blaaackkssssEAT IT Megyn Kelly! Black Santas RUN THIS TOWN.

santa-black-album

So on that note, Dear BCB readers, whatever color or creed your Santa or non-denominational holiday archetype may be, have a Soulful Xmas and Funky New Year!

America’s Porn Searches by Fetish, by State, and by Duration

Posted in All Class, Awesomeness, Barf Me Out, Creeptastic, Hilarity with tags , , on August 31, 2013 by aznheartthrob

I’m a big fan of infographics and this one may be the most fascinating one yet. Now we know what people are searching for on Pornhub (I’d probably say its THE most popular site for free, and paid, porn on the web) — and it’s aggregated BY STATE!

Now we know which states are into the most deviant shit (I’m looking at you Colorado, Kansas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Tennessee, West Virginia; AKA the “Cream Pie” Belt), the most strangest stuff (“Anita Queen” is what-now, Nevada?), the most puzzling (Kentucky and “hentai”? Really?), the most indecisive (I’m looking at you “compilation” lovers), the most “Ebony”-loving Southern states (Yay Civil Rights(?)) and the most inexplicable (Mississippians’ site visit durations last the longest AND they’re most  into “teen” porn? That just seems wrong). Take a look at the map and go deeper (pun intended) into the statistical analysis (pun intended) here. The following is further commentary from AzN and Cbruhs in case you wanted to know what we think of “smoking”, “creampies” and the “ebony” loving south.

pornhub

Cbruhs: Hahaha “Asian” in Washington and California! “Hentai” in Kentucky LOLZ. And WTF is “Anita Queen”?

AzN: We are PROUD to be from Washington and California…I guess? Californians are into: “Asian”, “Teen”, “Massage”? Putting them all together is really really wrong tho. And I have no idea what “Anita Queen” is. I’m afraid to google it. Maybe it means “I need a QUEEN?”

Cbruhs: Just googlied it. I guess its a person?

AzN: Remind me never to visit any of the “compilation” or “creampie” states ever again. There must be a reason why they are also my least favorite states. And now I know why.

Cbruhs: WTH is “compilation”?

AzN: I don’t know. But if I were to guess, it’s a “compilation” of one thing that’s snippets from several scenes… For the quantity over quality types. (editor’s note: I totally know what “compilation” means)

Cbruhs: I just googled “cream pie” and it was not what I thought it was and I also threw up in my mouth then cried a little.

AzN: That’s just how you make babies! Or so I read on WebMD.

Cbruhs: Interesting that Utah has no data on this map. I heard that they’re the state that watches the most porn (Mormons). Also, Wyoming is into “smoking”? I don’t even wanna know. Dare we google it? Also, there are a LOT of “cream pie” states. I’m pretty terrified.

AzN: Maybe people are searching for “smoking” cause they don’t know what it is. (editor’s note: I totally know what this means too).

Cbruhs: Gawd, “Cream pie” must be the biggest euphemism ever.

AzN: It’s pretty literal dude. Its kinda a sick word now that I think about it. “CREAM PIE”.

Cbruhs: NO! IT’S NOT LITERAL! It is NOT a yummy treat! So…”smoking” is just people smoking while doing it? Wow, Wyoming is pretty tame compared to its neighbors.

AzN: It’s probably the worst porn on that list.

Cbruhs: I guess that depends on one’s definition of “worst”.  And smoking while doing it just sounds dangerous. ¡PERO CUIDADO! Don’t burn the house down!

AzN: Why is South Dakota the only state into “POV” (point of view) porn? Is it cause their daily lives are boring so they need to watch porn through someone else’s eyes?

Cbruhs: …

AzN: And Alabama, Georgia, and Louisiana are the only states into “ebony” porn? I would connect this to the 50th anniversary of the “I Have a Dream” speech somehow, but I don’t want to go to hell.

Cbruhs: You’ve crossed the line.

Dis/orient/ed Comedy is coming to SAN FRANCISCO!

Posted in Awesomeness, Causes Worth Your Cash, For Your Consideration with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 29, 2013 by Cbruhs

SF-disoriented-LINE-BRIDGE1

BCB buddy Jenny Yang & Co from Dis/orient/ed Comedy are coming to the YAY! WOOTS!

BCB cheapskates readers can get a discount — and stay tuned to our Tweetsies and bookFace for a chance to win FREE tickets!

AZN may also be there representing Bicoastal Bitchin as a community sponsor/comedian stalker — see if you can spot him and engage in a squeefest over the featured comedians and K-Dramas. More Deets below:

What’s all female, all Asian and all funny? Dis/orient/ed Comedy is bringing their first-ever all female, Asian American stand up comedy tour to San Francisco with TWO DIFFERENT SHOWS in a single night, Saturday, September 7th, 2013 at the Southside Theater at the Fort Mason Center in the Marina District! 

Use “BITCH” as your discount code to purchase pre-sale tickets at http://disorientedcomedy.com for $12 tickets.  The San Francisco shows are expected to sell out so be sure to purchase your tickets online.

—–THE COMICS—–
7PM SHOW
+ HEADLINER: D’LO – INTERNATIONAL TOURING PERFORMER
+ FEATURING:
KYLE MIZONO – SUPER SERIOUS SHOW, EDINBURGH FRINGE
SHANTI CHARAN – SF WEEKLY BEST OF 2012,
IRENE TU – CHICACO WOMEN’S FUNNY FESTIVAL, LAUGH FACTORY
+ HOSTS:
ATSUKO OKATSUKA – PRETTY FUNNY WOMEN, DIS/ORIENT/ED COMEDY
JENNY YANG – SHOWTIME’S “WHY WE LAUGH: FUNNY WOMEN”, DIS/ORIENT/ED COMEDY

9:30PM SHOW
+ HEADLINER: D’LO – INTERNATIONAL TOURING PERFORMER
+ FEATURING:
DHAYA LAKSHMINARAYANAN – SUPER SERIOUS SHOW, EDINBURGH FRINGE
KRISTEE ONO – PUNCHLINE, COBB’S, PURPLE ONION
ZAHRA NOORBAHKSH – HOLLYWOOD FRINGE FEST, NEW YORKER MAGAZINE “BEST OF THE FEST”
+ HOSTS:
ATSUKO OKATSUKA – PRETTY FUNNY WOMEN, DIS/ORIENT/ED COMEDY
JENNY YANG – SHOWTIME’S “WHY WE LAUGH: FUNNY WOMEN”, DIS/ORIENT/ED COMEDY

A portion of the proceeds from the show will benefit BEATS FOR BANGLADESH! A benefit album in solidarity with the garment workers of Rana Plaza.

DEETS!:
Dis/orient/ed Comedy SAN FRANCISCO
Saturday, September 7th, 2013 (2 Different Shows) 7PM Show & 9:30PM (Doors Open 30 minutes before showtime for pre-show refreshments)
Southside Theater at Fort Mason Center (Marina District) 2 Marina Blvd, San Francisco, CA 94123
Tickets Purchase: http://disorientedcomedy.com
Facebook Event: https://www.facebook.com/events/573028082757410/
Twitter: http://twitter.com/getdisoriented
Facebook Page: https://facebook.com/disorientedcomedy
Dis/Orient/ed’s mission is to highlight the powerful and funny voices of Asian American female comedians – emphasizing the diversity of comedic talent as wide-ranging as a Japanese former import car model, a high-energy South Asian transgender boi, and an Egyptian-American female grouch.
Shoutout to our fellow co-sponsors:
+Angry Asian Man +Hyphen Magazine +National Asian Pacific American Women’s Forum (NAPAWF) Bay Area +Audrey Magazine +Thick Dumpling Skin +Chinese Historical Society of America Museum +TaiwaneseAmerican.org

Phoenix Makes a Music Video to Please Korean Drama Fan(s)

Posted in Awesomeness with tags , , , , , , on August 27, 2013 by aznheartthrob

As a fan of Phoenix and Korean dramas, I realize I’m a very tiny itsy bitsy niche overlap that connects this Venn diagram. But I could not have asked for a weirder and more obscure video from Phoenix. I really hate the typical rock band’s LIVE AT [insert midwestern town name here] so to see some Asian American actors get to reenact the best moments that never happened in K-drama history: “look back and smile”? CHECK! “die in someone’s arms?” CHECK! “just plain running?” CHECK! You’re talking to a guy who likes Korean movies named SUNNY and SAD MOVIE so I might not be the best judge on this, so please check it out yourself:

Steven Ho + Conan = One Huge TMNT

Posted in Awesomeness, DANGER!, For Your Consideration, HAWTNESS, Nerd Alert with tags , , , on July 22, 2013 by Cbruhs

So our buddy Steven Ho has been crazy busy raising twins (Congrats!) and apparently ignoring his OG Asian Baby — but he’s BACK on Conan this Thursday and ready to bring the pain….and maybe transform Conan into a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle**.

CONAN-VS-HO

Man vs. Man-sized Turtle….whas gonna happen?!?

This is gonna sound fucked up, but when I was a kid I totally liked TMNT.  Not only “liked” in the sense of being a rabid fan of the cartoon, but like, LIKE liked. I wanted to skip through the sewer together shouting COWABUNGA and fight Krang side-by-shell (my signature weapon would be PoGo Ball) and have dishy, heart-to-heart convos about Shredder’s emotional problems or whatever an 8-year-old thinks love is. I had the hots for Leonardo specifically. He was the leader but not in an overly alpha, douchey way. As for April…I wasn’t sure if I hated her or wanted to be her (that dayglo yellow jumpsuit, pow!).

Soooooo that right there is the special place that TMNT has in my heart — and I am releasing that creepy anecdote out into the universe so it doesn’t hold power over me anymore. YOU DON’T HAVE TURTLE POWER OVER ME ANYMORE, LEO!

Don’t you dare miss Steven Ho and a very special 6’4” red pompadour-ed Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle this Thursday night!

Hawt.

**For which Steven is especially qualified: he played Donatello in both Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III, son!!

See Y’all at V3 Con!

Posted in Awesomeness, For Your Consideration with tags , , , , , , on June 14, 2013 by Cbruhs

v3v5

Right now, CBRUHS is getting ready to hop on a plane to Japantown, Los Angeles, to stuff her facehole with Curry & Taco Man, squint at that weird bright ball in the sky, and attend the V3 Digital Media Conference (Vision. Visibility. Voice.).

V3 Con is an annual gathering of AAPI media makers, journalists, bloggers, and change makers. Tonight V3 will be honoring digital journalist Gil Asakawa, MSNBC’s Richard Lui, Kogi BBQ’s Roy Choi….and all-American badass and legend GRACE LEE BOGGS!!! BOOOM!

And be sure to check out the “Engaging the AAPI Community in Online Activism” workshop with folks from 18 Million Rising, APIAVote, APALC, Phil Yu and others — tomorrow at 3pm.

See you bitches there! xo

Happy Bitchin’ Momma’s Day

Posted in Awesomeness, For Your Consideration, wuv, Zen with tags , , , , , , , on May 12, 2013 by Cbruhs

Here at BCB, we’re well aware that we’d be nothing without our Mas and Grandmas and folks who’ve played a momma role in our lives. We are selfish, shiftless brats who waste too much money, drink too much, and don’t visit enough, but Ma loves us just the same.

Here’s a couple nice gestures you can do for your mom and the important wimmins in your life today (and every second of every hour of every other day of the year, fool!)

- AAPI online organizing group 18MillionRising.org created a #TYMom (Thank You Mom) site where you can create and send a custom message to your mom. Remind her of that specific time she did something really special for you, like making herb soup when you came down with chicken pox or bailing you out of jail.

- MomsRising.org & NAPAWF made a fun “Mom Dance” video that you can giggle at and then share with your mom.

But the Mom Dance to rule them all is obviously ‘Dub Step Mom’, featuring Mike Song and his mama Laura:

Stone. Cold. Mama Song.

Much love and gratitude to all the Bitchin’ Moms, Grandmoms, Godmoms, Sisters, Aunties, Cuzins, and strong women who give us a beautiful life, every day.

Happy New Year! (Courtesy of R. Kelly)

Posted in All Class, Awesomeness, Fo Yo Ears, Zen on February 10, 2013 by Cbruhs

BCB wishes all y’all readers a prosperous Year of the Snake — filled with happiness, good fortune, and ssssssmexinessss. And who better to embody this last quality than Sir R. Kelly himself:

A perfect New Year’s ditty to sing ’round the banquet table with your family and loved ones.

Gung Hay Faht Choy! 恭喜發財! Chúc Mừng Năm Mới!

Thanks MY and AZNHeartthrob!

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