Archive for the All Class Category

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Friday Fuckery: Oh WHAT You Have SEX with Your Sex Doll? EWWWWW

Posted in All Class, Creeptastic, Friday Fuckery, Robots, Science! with tags , , , on April 26, 2013 by aznheartthrob

dolllaptop

Seriously all you do is have sex with your made-to-look-real silicon sex doll? If that’s all you do, then you are missing out on oh-so much my friend.

In what may be the greatest use of the in-browser Google Translator service in Google Chrome, the Japanese website
http://dollroom.sakura.ne.jp/
 is run by someone I can only assume is a Japanese dude who lives alone in a Tokyo studio apartment. Someone who loves video games, magic tricks and trying on clothes.

See, the genius (or absolute creepiness) of this website is that dude treats his sex doll like a blogger who nonchalantly reviews the very latest in iPads, Wii’s and anything else he can get a hold of. The creepy stills creates a story that gets creepier and creepier as you scroll down. It would be funny if it was created ironically by a comedy troupe in LA trying to make it big online. But done up by a dude on his own in his Tokyo apartment since as far back as the Sega Dreamcast was popular kinda makes this particular website the one that rules them ALL. And by ALL I mean sex doll product review websites.

I’m actually surprised there’s only a HANDFULL of super creepy posts, such as Sakura sex doll trying on a school girl outfit.

dolloutfit

Or trying on a bathing suit (she even covers herself up while changing just like any girl I’ve ever gone to the beach with!). But seriously, there’s comedy gold here. Like her review of a Blu Ray player and Toy Story’s Woody popping out of the screen (OH HEY THAT’S A TOTAL SET UP! How you go tricking Sakura Sex Doll like that!).

dolldvd

My only problem is she reviewed some vibrators and ours wasn’t one of them :(

dolldildo

BUT she did live out my childhood dream of meeting a girl who has every Nintendo system ever… damn, are you SURE she’s not real? ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY SURE???dollnintendo

Originally posted at Yellow Peril Dildo’s blog.

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Okay, Chris Brown: “Fine China”

Posted in All Class, AUDACITY, Barf Me Out, booshit, DANGER!, Douchebaggary, Hilarity with tags , , , , on April 8, 2013 by Cbruhs

So “Fine China” — the new single by Chris “Forever (Flared Nostrils)” Brown — dropped last week. Which apparently, involves him stealing off with a triad boss’s daughter and gallivanting through the underworlds of Chinatown — rather than delicately sipping Lipton while getting hollered at by Mo’Nique on VH1′s Charm School, as I had hoped.

Because being romantically involved with an Asian girl always entails breaking her shackles of Asian male oppression, Chris the Fist also beats up an entire tong of Asian dudes. Just watch:

Uh, okay gurl. And what in Mongolian Izaac Mizrahi for Target hell is Ling (?!?) wearing? Is she really getting in the car with him? Best wear some shoes you can run in, girl.

The Difficult Brown can dress like a twink ventriloquist newsie all he wants, but “it’s alright, I’m not dangerous” is just not convincing me. And I’m normally a big fan of dance-fighting, but we’re supposed to believe a gold bowtie-wearing agitated beaver can whoop a whole Chinatown gang without even using his teeth?

The only redeeming quality about this video is Ling’s poopface at the 0:32 mark. That really says it all.

UPDATE: OK, I lied. The other redeeming quality about this video is the Octopus move at the 3:47 mark. I’m obsessed with it and have been consistently practicing in front of the mirror and loved ones since this posting, so I can bust it out at the club this weekend with my cousins (see you at Tia Lou’s!).

ALSO, the song has annoyingly been stuck in my head for days, and I’m gonna blame that on the blatant MJ rip-offs. It’s like they just took ‘Billie Jean’, threw it into a derivative remix app for iPhone — and donezo.

 

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Happy New Year! (Courtesy of R. Kelly)

Posted in All Class, Awesomeness, Fo Yo Ears, Zen on February 10, 2013 by Cbruhs

BCB wishes all y’all readers a prosperous Year of the Snake — filled with happiness, good fortune, and ssssssmexinessss. And who better to embody this last quality than Sir R. Kelly himself:

A perfect New Year’s ditty to sing ’round the banquet table with your family and loved ones.

Gung Hay Faht Choy! 恭喜發財! Chúc Mừng Năm Mới!

Thanks MY and AZNHeartthrob!

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Worst Movie of Ever?

Posted in All Class, AUDACITY, Douchebaggary, Hipster Racism, white ppl booshit, WTF?! with tags , , , , , , , , on January 16, 2013 by Cbruhs

We at BCB think that racism can be hilarious, when it’s done right (see: W. Kamau Bell, Dave Chappelle, Hari Kondabolu, Negin Farsad, Stephen Colbert, Richard Pryor etc). But racism (and other -isms) just for racism’s sake — or its smug cousin, Hipster Racism — is just tired and lazy and ugly. And Buddha don’t like ugly. So she certainly would not care for this:

Seriously, was this written by a 9-year-old raised by Westboro Baptist and Jeff Dunham? What kind of drugs did they put in Sad Dachshund’s kibble to get him to go from an Academy Award to this? Is it weird to be equally offended and depressed that they topped it all off with an obnoxious cover of the Ramones?

Let’s organize a movement to ship Rob Schneider to some remote island where he can no longer be a threat to himself or anybody else with a shred of ethnic dignity. You go straight to hell, Schneider.

via Angry Asian Man

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Conan O’Brien Gets Drunk at Holiday Party, Steven Ho Kicks His Ass

Posted in All Class, Awesomeness, DANGER!, Zen with tags , , , on December 19, 2012 by Cbruhs

BCB buddy the indomitable Steven Ho sent us this gem from last night’s Conan. As usual, it involves plenty o’ spin kicks to the gut, glass breaking o’er heads, and a jolly assortment of beat downs (courtesy of Steven, of course).

And since this is a Holiday Party, it also involves heartwarming festivities like candy cane jousting(!), ugly Xmas sweaters, and the requisite over-aggressive drunkenness. This video should set the bar for all office holiday parties to come.

 

Thanks Steven!

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PSY X MC Hammer = Swaggest AMAs of Ever

Posted in All Class, Awesomeness, SICKNING, Zen with tags , , , , , , , on November 19, 2012 by Cbruhs

Sometimes I worry whether PSY will inevitably fall from grace of the American pop echelons. How his popularity may in part reflect the way America regards Asian and Asian American masculinity. About the backlash that may rear its ugly head three, four months from now. About how the mighty can fall so fast and so low. Will PSY end up on Dancing With the Stars, Season 18? Christ, I hope not. Will he follow up ‘Gangnam Style’ with another hit and become firmly entrenched as a legit music star (in America) and not a one-hit wonder? One can hope.

But for now, I will cast aside my worrywart ways, and just BASK in the glory that was the finale to end all finales of the American Music Awards last night: PSY X MC muthaluvin’ Hammer!

LEGENDARY! Feel his power, Hammer’s still got it! And PSY is keepin’ right up! Bieber please, you could never rock the drop-crotch like these two SWAGUs, on you it just looks like a droopy diaper in dire need of changing. Is it wrong to feel juiced that the biggest performance of the American Music Awards was in Korean? Look at all the celebrities trying to rap along to the lyrics. Geez, they’re going absolutely apeshit! Speaking of Bieber, were half of them even out of Pull-Ups when “2 Legit 2 Quit” was released? Why aren’t they incorporating the 2 Legit finger dance!? The look on Cameron Tucker’s face at 3:04 is giving me life. Is it weird that I broke out in a sweat while watching this?

2 Legit! 2 Legit to Quit Haay haaaaaayyy Sexy Laaayydee!

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AZNs Rocked this Election!

Posted in All Class, Awesomeness, For Us By Us, For Your Consideration, Zen with tags , , , , , , , on November 8, 2012 by Cbruhs

Happy post-Election, Bitchin readers! And my, what a doozy it was. Binders full o’ women, horses & bayonets, and whatever’s going down the shitter in this country…BLAME CHINA! But that’s a whole ‘nother post…

As the dust settles, what has become abundantly clear is that the pesky old stereotype that APIAs don’t care, don’t vote, and don’t matter when it comes to politics is just that — a played out stereotype that couldn’t be farther from reality:

  • APIAs are the fastest growing electorate. With 1 in 6 living in battleground states, they could well have been the decisive swing vote in Nevada and Virginia.
  • 72% of APIAs voted for Obama (2nd highest percentage after African Americans), and 73% backed Democratic Congressional candidates.
  • Of the 23 APIAs who ran for Congress, 10 of them won. This includes six new Congressional members who made history: Tammy Duckworth — the first Thai American and disabled female veteran elected to Congress and the first Asian American to represent Illinois; Grace Meng, the first Asian American to represent New York in Congress; Hawaii’s Tulsi Gabbard  the first Hindu American and the first Samoan American in US Congress; and California’s Mark Takano, the first openly gay person of color in Congress.

via 18millionrising.org

Like most other Americans, APIAs are most concerned about the economy, health care, education, and immigrant and civil rights. And (busting through more stereotypes), we lean progressive when it comes to issues on the environment, universal health care, and supporting a path to citizenship for undocumented individuals. Even Vietnamese American voters have trended Democratic; blue support is not mainly driven by South Asian Americans and Chinese Americans any more. Which means there’s even more opportunities to build multiracial alliances with African Americans and Latinos, as our voting and issue preferences have become pretty similar.

As APIAs are both the fastest growing racial group and electorate in the U.S., our elected officials, political parties, pollsters, and other powers that be are gonna hafta RECOGNIZE. Because we are America.

Thanks for the video Samala!

Sources:

18 Million Rising

Asian American Election Eve Poll (AALDEF/CAPACD/Latino Decisions)

New American Leaders Project Election Summary

CNN Exit Poll

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The Return of JuJubee

Posted in All Class, Awesomeness, model minority, SICKNING, true wuv with tags , , , , , , on October 24, 2012 by Cbruhs

Thank the Tuck Goddesses that JuJubee is BACK — with service, Bitches! Run for cover, homegirl’s about to read the shit out of this joint.

There’s a reason why my facebook profile is a pic of me squeezing the life out of JuJubee after the R Place Pride show like she was a life-size chicken nugget. Well, many reasons, but they’re all filed under “Sickening” so basic bitches best run and hit the library.

Some of my other fave fierce queens back on RuPaul’s All Stars Drag Race are La-triiiiiice Motherfuckin’ Royale, Yara Sofia, Raven, and Alexis Mateo. BAM! (Notice I didn’t list Manila Luzon because she’s a Mean Girl and was a dick to me at Boxers Sportsbar in Chelsea this one time. Sniff.)

Team Rujubee Ryde or Die.

If you’re not overdosed on eleganza yet, check out this wonderful JuJubee montage here. And I’m done.

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Friday Fuckery: Jill Stuart NY X PSY

Posted in All Class, Awesomeness, Friday Fuckery, Zen with tags , , , , , on October 5, 2012 by Cbruhs

Serve! And work and turn and…this GANGNAM IS MAHHHHVELOUS!

Psy may be milking the ish out of his song, but I’m enjoying every minute of it. Also I really want that jacket.

Speaking of New York Classy style, on Monday I was walking down 2nd Ave in East Village and there was this bum doing the Gangnam Style gallop with a broom. Then his other bum friend spotted him from across the street and ran up and hi-fived him. They both bellowed magnificently: “YEEEAAAHHH GANGNAM STYLE!!”

Now that, hunty, is New York Classy. Psy, the great equalizer — on the runways and in the streets.

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Steven Ho Back on Conan Tomorrow!

Posted in All Class, Awesomeness, DANGER!, For Your Consideration, Hilarity with tags , , , , on September 12, 2012 by Cbruhs

Our fave stuntman/martial artist/hi-end furniture store owner/NEW DAD Steven Ho is back, and as usual, busting Conan O’Brien’s balls. If there is unfinished bidnid that needs finishin’, Steven Ho will be the one to uh, FINISH IT!!! Just look at the fear in Conan’s eyeballs!

Don’t miss what is sure to be a delightful evening of whoop ass.

Thanks Steven and Congrats!

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