Friday Fuckery: For the Love of Newsies
A preview of the much-anticipated Broadway production of Newsies recently aired on Good Morning America...and there’s an Asian dude, who gets considerable stage time! (Apparently there was a mixed Asian actor in the original movie — Kevin Alexander Stea — who played “Swifty the Rake”. I wish people still had names like that).
Newsies has a special place in American musical history, and in the hearts of many ladies of…a certain age. While many girls migrated to New York in the ’00s chasing Sex And The City fever dreams, me and my best buds were hitching our wagons to a brighter star: Newsies. We knew the words to every song and had no hesitation busting out a multi-part “King of New York” on the 6 train or screaming out “The Delancey Bwuddas!” when approaching the Lower East Side.
We shopped voraciously for newsboy caps and dessed as a gang of Newsies for Halloween — on multiple occasions — including that one year in Boston I spotted the one other guy at the bar also dressed as a Newsie and was convinced we were soul mates until his girlfriend the sexy nurse crippled me with her death stare. My Newsie friends were there to soothe my broken heart by whispering: Well, dat’s da foist thing ya gotta learn – headlines don’t sell papes. Newsies sell papes.
Which is why, even if I feel nothing could ever measure up to the original, I still plan to shell out a ridiculous amount of money to see grown ass men in short pants twirl around on papes. Especially that Asian newsie with the juicy butt.
For SooJooBa and Char Char (who recognized Kevin Alexander Stea as a Madonna dance captain and cast member of Naked Guys Singing. Yowza!)
Hey bummas, we’se got work to do!
Since when did you become me mudda?
Check out Jezebel‘s excellent take on Newsies here.