Friday Fuckery: Angry Birds on the Needle?

If you are a child of the ’70s and ’80s, you may remember the psychedelic and slightly freakish Serendipity Book Series, written by Stephen Cosgrove and illustrated by Robin James. That was some real hippie shit. With over 60 books, popular characters included Flutterby the insecure unicorn, Serendipity the soul-searching pink lochness monster thing, and Muffin Muncher (too easy).

In 1974, the world was introduced to a huge, hairy orange blob…The Wheedle on the Needle:

Unlike the other sweet, vulnerable characters, Wheedle was one grumpy bitch:

Wheedle is a large, round, furry creature who lived in the Northwest. Bothered by the whistling of workers first settling the city of Seattle, the creature was unable to sleep and became irritable, eventually moving to Mount Rainier to escape the noise. The Wheedle slept there peacefully for many years, his red nose blinking, until the region’s growth brought people- and their whistling- to his doorstep once again. In an effort to silence the noise, the Wheedle gathered clouds in a large sack atop Mt. Rainier, returned to Seattle, climbed atop the Space Needle, and threw them into the sky to make it rain. With their lips wet from precipitation, the city’s residents were unable to whistle, and the creature once again had some peace and quiet.

So basically, Wheedle was responsible for Seattle’s shitty weather, and a hardcore environmentalist railing against the encroach of urban development. Wheedle also basically summed up the philosophy of Seattlelites: We’re glad you like it here. Now please get the hell out.

Shortly after the book’s publication, Wheedlemania was in full effect, and the Seattle SuperSonics employed Wheedle’s curmudgeony ass as a mascot during the championship era of 1978–1985. Wheedle also became a mascot for local news station KOMO-TV in 1993.

Sweet moves, Wheed!

Terrifying.

In 2004, the compilation Wheedle’s Groove: Seattle’s Finest in Funk and Soul 1965-75 was released, and currently a group of musicians from these original bands perform under the name Wheedle’s Groove.

But has the Wheedle’s position as Seattle icon and cranky king of The Needle been overthrown….by Angry Birds? Earlier this week, to promote the launch of the Angry Birds Space game, the Space Needle was turned into a 300-foot tall slingshot, brought to you by T-Mobile and Rovio.

photo: Rod Mar via Rovio

The only thing I know about Angry Birds is that it’s insanely popular, I suck at it, and I have a memory of being manhandled by a grown ass dude wearing an oversized Angry Birds t-shirt (unfortunate yet appropriate attire).

I’m not sure where Wheedle is right now, but this pretty much exemplifies his whole gripe with society.  I hope he’s out breaking off a chunk of Mt. Rainier to clamber up The Needle and pop that stupid ass bird with.

Wheedle 4EVA, son!

More enthralling Wheedle history here.

Friday Fuckery: For the Love of Newsies

A preview of the much-anticipated Broadway production of Newsies recently aired on Good Morning America...and there’s an Asian dude, who gets considerable stage time! (Apparently there was a mixed Asian actor in the original movie — Kevin Alexander Stea — who played “Swifty the Rake”. I wish people still had names like that).

Newsies has a special place in American musical history, and in the hearts of many ladies of…a certain age. While many girls migrated to New York in the ’00s chasing Sex And The City fever dreams, me and my best buds were hitching our wagons to a brighter star: Newsies. We knew the words to every song and had no hesitation busting out a multi-part “King of New York” on the 6 train or screaming out “The Delancey Bwuddas!” when approaching the Lower East Side.

We shopped voraciously for newsboy caps and dessed as a gang of Newsies for Halloween — on multiple occasions — including that one year in Boston I spotted the one other guy at the bar also dressed as a Newsie and was convinced we were soul mates until his girlfriend the sexy nurse crippled me with her death stare. My Newsie friends were there to soothe my broken heart by whispering: Well, dat’s da foist thing ya gotta learn – headlines don’t sell papes. Newsies sell papes.

Which is why, even if I feel nothing could ever measure up to the original, I still plan to shell out a ridiculous amount of money to see grown ass men in short pants twirl around on papes. Especially that Asian newsie with the juicy butt.

For SooJooBa and Char Char (who recognized Kevin Alexander Stea as a Madonna dance captain and cast member of Naked Guys Singing. Yowza!)

Hey bummas, we’se got work to do!
Since when did you become me mudda?

Check out Jezebel‘s excellent take on Newsies here.

Jason Wu Takes on ‘Asian’ Fashion

Young, successful Asian American designers like Jason Wu, Phillip Lim, and Thakoon Panichgul inevitably deal with being compared and lumped together, and with the expectation that their Asian heritage would result in some common aesthetic…”Asian” or otherwise.

Jason Wu, who designed one of First Lady Obama’s inauguration ball gowns and has a line out for Target, acknowledges that — despite what people may presume — the most well-known young Asian American designers haven’t until very recently incorporated Asian symbolism and/or stereotypes into their collections.

This overt “Asian trend” has been exhibited mainly (as it has like, every other year ad naseum) by white designers like Ralph Lauren (whose early 2011 runway show included “China Girl” in its soundtrack) and Louis Vitton:

Ralph Lauren photo: Fernanda Calfat/Getty Images

Louis Vitton photo: Imaxtree

In his fall 2012 show, Jason Wu made an intentional decision to showcase Chinese-influence designs: “I suppose this hasn’t really been done before—an Asian designer tapping into the Asian side. Usually, culturally, we stay away from it … I feel like I’m at a place where I’m maturing not just as a designer, but as a person, to embark on inspirations that hit close to home…I almost wanted to poke fun at it a little bit by interpreting it through stereotypes … but also by incorporating all of that in a way that is elegant and powerful at the same time.”

Props to Wu for recognizing the stereotypical and often offensive imagery typically seen in “Asian-inspired” fashion. But even if his new designs are intended to be subversive, will this message even register with the fashion world and its consumers, especially operating within the larger Yelloxploitation trend? Could Wu be dismissed as jumping on the Asian bandwagon (altho, fashion’s endless ethnic exploitation could hardly be called a trend) or even worse — validate the “Asian” pigeonhole people try to stick him in? (Phillip Lim also created a cheongsam-influenced collection in 2010)? What does it mean to step into a culturally-loaded space that you have both actively avoided and feel a need to claim, especially after seeing dominant culture co-opt it? Can change happen in this way, or is it just further legitimizing popular stereotypes? BUT IS IT ART, DARLING?? GAAAAAAAA.

Like Chinese character tattoos and Buddhism, “Asian” fashion may just be another thing white people ruined for the rest of us.

Sources: NY Magazine

Friday Fuckery: New Miss Seattle Is ‘Annoyed’ By Seattle

Over the past couple weeks, the recently crowned Miss Seattle — Jean-Sun Hannah Ahn — came under fire for committing the most egregious sin in the eyes of native Seattleites…Complaining about the rain, gawdammit!

Less than a day after Ahn was crowned in March, a story broke about her very un-gracious online activities. Back in December, Jean-Sun had taken to twattering on the Twitter about Seatown’s glorious climate: Tweet No. 1: “Ew I seriously am hating Seattle right now… ” Tweet No. 2: “Take me back to az!!! (Arizona) Ugh can’t stand cold rainy Seattle and the annoying people.”

And the people stage-dived on her like she was a methadone/quad shot cocktail at The Comet Tavern. Ahn has since had to appear on numerous TV and radio shows to apologize for her foolery.

Guurrlll…I know you’re also a former Miss Phoenix and spent your undergrad at Arizona State, but if you’re gonna be Miss 206 you gotta be all: “Chilly and partly overcast drizzle with a 2% chance of sun break followed by moderate showers RYDE OR DIE!!” How you gonna claim allegiance to both the desert and the temperate marine climates? Sorry, but you ain’t no Missy Elliott. And in the words of the great Jimi: Castles made of sand fall into the sea, eventually. Or something.

If Ahn were true Seattle royalty, she’d just take a triple dosage of vitamin D and sit under a UV lamp, self-medicate in dank bars, and brood over what the point of life is anyway like the rest of us. DEAL WITH IT, GIRLIE. I demand a recount!

Source

BCB Presents: Bitchin’ Haikus – Takei’s Happy Dance

Let’s be real — sentiments are sometimes best expressed through sweet, sweet poetry (or in our case, we’re too lazy to compose a fully formed sentence).

Whether you prefer the lyric stylings of John Keats, Staceyann Chin, or Flo Rida, we hope that you will appreciate BCB’s newest attempt to wax poetic on the goingson of the day. We present: Bitchin’ Haikus (no rhyming necessary)!

For the first edition of Bitchin’ Haikus, we were moved to verse by George Takei’s glorious “Happy Dance”, which he performed after a successful fundraising campaign for Allegiance, his new play about Japanese Internment. Lo, Behold!

Takei’s Happy Dance
The Hubby May Not Approve
Rest of world screams: WERK!

Add your own Takei Happy Dance-inspired haiku in the comments section!


Jeremy Lin Comedy: For AzN Eyes Only

There’s a thin line between racism and comedy. That line is more clearly defined when the folks doing the comedy are the same race as the folks being made fun of (with glaring exceptions, of course). That’s why Dave Chappelle left his $50 million dollar paycheck on the table. Cause White peepos were laughing a little TOO hard.

So BcB had some moral dilemma with posting the following videos from Studio 64 Comedy. But it’s too damn funny not to. So for content that walks the line, we’re creating a new category called FUBU — as in “For Us By Us” (which is also a convenient excuse to make a reference to one of the most loved/hated clothing lines of the ’90s). Cause it’s about more than just laughing at accents.

I wish there was an app that only allowed Asian eyes to view the following [insert racist joke here] — but alas, there is not. So be forewarned. And if you’re White, don’t laugh too hard. And no bullshit griping about “double standards”. But feel free to laugh at the PC version.

The REAL real version:

The equally as funny “politically correct” version:

SUPA ASIAN BASKETBALL DUNNNNKK!!

A Southeast Asian’s Guide to the 30th CAAM Film Festival

For all my SEA brothers and sisters out there looking to support some movies during the Center for Asian American Media’s film festival going on from March 8-18, I have my top 3 picked out for your convenience. One is about BcB favorite Anh Joseph Cao’s journey from getting elected to the House, repping NOLA, and heading up to DC. The appropriately named Mr. Cao Goes to Washington. The second is a b-boy movie called Among B-Boys (you know BcB likes them b-boys and b-girls) about the intersection between the Hmong community and the world of b-boying. Seriously, is there any other topic better than that? The last is The Crumbles, a movie about an indie rock band that includes, without exaggeration, one of the most beautiful Vietnamese American actresses I have ever seen, Teresa Michelle Lee.

Peep the trailers here:

Mr. Cao Goes to Washington:

Among B-Boys:

The Crumbles:

 

Adam WarRock X Downton Abbey = Bloomers Blown

Nerdcore rapper Adam WarRock — aka Eugene Ahn — flows about comic books, sci-fi (he made a mixtape inspired by Joss Whedon’s Firefly), and most recently — British TV series Downton Abbey.

Downton Abbey is my meth. My favorite activity as of late (besides unnecessarily inserting terms like “as of late” into conversation) is to chin-palm and daydream about The Dowager Countess’ wicked quips, Cousin Matthew and Lady Mary’s incestuous sexual tension, and how delightfully bitchy those three sisters are to each other. I have stayed inside on Saturday nights in New York City to watch bootleg DA episodes on a grainy, stuttering stream on my laptop. I’m not generally into shows about romance ‘n’ junk, but I AM a huge sucker for period dramas, old-timey wardrobes, and repressed feelings.

So in response to this rap, I have to say to Adam WarRock: THANK YOU EVER SO MUCH M’LORD, for bringing together the wonderful worlds of hip hop and WWI-era British society’s class tensions and fading traditions of the aristocratic landed gentry.

Some of my fave lyrics include:

I GOT A BLACK HEART LIKE MARY, LADY — STAY WEARY!

AND I LEAVE EM LIKE PAMUK IF THESE RAPPERS TRY TO QUIBBLE.

Vice Magazine Does it Again

These Asian girl loving/asian men hating muthf*ckers at Vice Magazine did it again. After all that time I spent compiling that list of the cutter mag’s Do’s & Don’t list to show how much they love them some AzN women and hate on us men, Vice Magazine’s Do’s and Don’t: Asian Cutterz, they do it one more time.

Do’s: 

"There’s a lot our kids can learn from a hobo, like how to roll a joint using only a $20 bill and a small Asian woman."

Don’t:

"News flash, Asian Jesus. Pink scrotum tote bags don’t make you look less like a piece of shit."

We get it Vice, Asian girls are so fucking hot and go so well with your Ray Bans. Asian guys creep the hell out of me too, especially when they’re on their way home from the dim sum restaurant you and your girlfriend love going to so f’n much.

Big Bang Doesn’t Get the Girl

Come on Big Bang! You got 11+ million hits for a video shot in NYC! You’re the biggest band in South Korea right now which means you can hook up with any PYT in Seoul… YET…

None of you can hook up with the white girl!? Not even a kiss? Is it cause she’s white? You might wanna change your name to 5 Small Bangs. Seriously guys.Would have helped Asian Americans a bit if one of you did. Least you can do while filming stateside, YO!