Friday Fuckery: Treadmill Boogie

Whaa?….Aw, shit yeah!

Yo, I start going into dance convulsions whenever I hear Aqua’s “Barbie Girl” too. I just wish I had the skills to effortlessly bust it while on a treadmill like this chick. She got tha funk — and makes it look more fun than one should ever expect to have in those vaults of torture known as gyms. I can barely get on one of those consarned contraptions without cracking my skull open from either boredom or lack of coordination.

Go ‘head, girl! Haters gon’ hate — don’t let the side eye from the boring sloths adjacent throw you off your work (it) out game. They’re just jealous of your boogie. I’d love to see what she can do with The Vengaboys.

via Buzzfeed

Arizona Legalizes Racial Profiling

Howdy pal! Are you an immigrant? Non-white? Kinda tanned? Speak another language? Wear Fobby slippers? Well, if you said yes to any of the above and you’re in Arizona, you’re shit outta luck!

Thanks to SB 1070 and Gov. Jan Brewer, if you arouse “reasonable suspicion” of being an illegal immigrant in the eyes of local AZ law enforcement, you can be stopped, asked to prove your legal status, and arrested. Now what, you may ask, on Jeebusez green earth qualifies one as being suspiciously illegal? What cues could police possibly be looking for? Speaking Spanish, wearing dish gloves and an apron, having mad cuzins, sporting brown skin…The sky’s the limit here folks! Let’s get creative with this harassment!

Is there anything really, that can “arouse suspicion”, that isn’t tied to race, ethnicity, and skin color? People generally don’t wear signs around their neck declaring their status. Nor do undocumented folks act different than legal residents. So what indicators do you think cops will use as a proxy?

SB 1070, at its core, has nothing to do with immigration status, which it claims to address. It actually don’t matter if you’re a citizen, a permanent resident, or undocumented. If you’re not white, you ain’t right. Meaning if you ain’t white, law enforcement has full authority to assume you are a criminal.

Now, everyone in Arizona is required to carry papers with them at all times, especially important if you are a person of color. Sound familiar? Gestapo-run Germany? South African apartheid? Jim Crow?

But that ain’t all. SB 1070 also criminalizes knowingly transporting an undocumented person. But 85% of immigrant families (those with at least one non-citizen parent) are mixed-status families. So it’s not unlikely that a US-born citizen would be prosecuted for driving their undocumented mom to the grocery store or doctor’s appointment. Also awesome: private citizens can sue police officers for not harassing suspected illegal immigrants enough, further empowering your charming neighborhood Minuteman or Teabagger.

Bottom line — AZ ain’t down with the brown. This law is out-and-out racist, no matter how many pundits try to rationalize or talk their way around it. It’s also unconstitutional, undermines the trust between the community and police required for the public safety of everyone, and will likely wreak havoc on AZ’s already-struggling economy (San Francisco’s City Attorney has called for a break of business contracts with the state, and others urge a boycott of Arizona Diamondbacks games).

And if you think this law only concerns the Latino community, guess again. Last time I checked, Asian Americans also have a long history of being stereotyped and harassed based on our appearance and language, and we are included in the populations being smuggled across the border (arrests of Chinese crossing the AZ border increased tenfold in the last year), and subsequently who law enforcement will be profiling. What affects one community affects us all, and we need to stand up together to fight it.

The silver lining of all this is, hopefully the national attention garnered will put pressure on federal administration for Comprehensive Immigration Reform — something Obama promised to deliver during his first year in office. It’s up to us to hold him accountable. May 1st is National Immigration Day. Go here to find a rally or here for more info on boycotting AZ (did you know P.F. Chang’s is headquartered in Phoenix? Delicious). Text “Justice” to 69866 to join the campaign for immigration reform. NOW is the time to put government’s feet to the fire. Otherwise, we continue our downward slide towards becoming criminals in our own country.

The Incredibly Asian Grandma

Courtesy of Ally Chandler, an aspiring actress (or so it seems), comes the adventures of The Incredibly Asian Grandma. Why is she incredibly Asian? Nothing really special, I guess AllyCat seems to think she’s hella Asian. But I know a busload of grandmas taking the San Jose to Thunder Valley gambling bus that would think otherwise… Cause I don’t think she’s incredibly Asian as much as Ally is unincredibly Asian… Either way, this grandma is the real!

Mickey Rourke as Genghis Khan. SERIOUSLY.

This shit got me so angry, I need to flip the KANYE WEST FONT ON. SERIOUSLY? MICKEY FUCKING ROURKE AS GENGHIS KHAN? CAN HOLLYWOOD PICK ANYBODY WORSE THEN MICKEY FUCKING ROURKE TO PLAY THE BADASS MONGOL RULER? I GUESS MICKEY ROONEY WASN’T AVAILABLE TO DO ANOTHER YELLOWFACE ROLE? HE’S ALIVE YOU KNOW, JUST READY TO POUNCE ON SOMETHING LIKE THIS CAUSE BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S WASN’T ENOUGH! BUT COME ON! MICKEY ROURKE!?!

YOU THINK DOOD LOOKS OKAY IN THAT PICTURE? I’VE SEEN THE MF’ER IN PERSON AT HAZE IN THE ARIA HOTEL IN VEGAS CUTTING IN LINE WITH SOME ANOREXIC MODEL. I LOOKED HIM IN THE FACE AND THOUGHT, “WHY IS THIS MUSCLED OUT DUDE WEARING A SAGGING SILICON MASK OF MICKEY ROURKE?” UNTIL I REALIZED IT WAS MICKEY F’N ROURKE. BUT SERIOUSLY, WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT FROM HOLLYWOOD NOWADAYS. BETWEEN JAKE GYLLENHAAL PLAYING A PERSIAN TO ALL THE DRAGONBALL Z/LAST AIRBENDER CRAP, THIS SHIT WILL ALWAYS HAPPEN. WHAT’S ALSO GREAT IS THIS GENGHIS KHAN MOVIE IS COMING FROM THE GUY THAT DIRECTED RED DAWN. THANKS DOUCHEBAG!

BOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYCCCCCCOOOOOTTTTTTT! BOYCOTT THIS SHIT LIKE A CAN OF DOLPHIN KILLING TUNA  BOUGHT FROM A WHOLE FOODS IN ARIZONA.

Thanks to IB via current.com for the scoop.

Joe Metro Bus Brawl!

Hey Bay Area Muni, New York MTA — you don’t have a monopoly over crazy ass people on public transport!
Seattle’s got a fightin’ chance here, with the added bonus of some terrifying hicks in Seahawks gear. Go Hawks!

Seriously, riding the 48 Metro to school back in the day smelled like a garbage pile wrapped in a hot McDonald’s fart with a heapin’ side of B.O. And lifting my feet to avoid the oncoming stream of urine from the back of the bus was an almost weekly occurrence on the 16 route. The chief public safety rule, in order to prevent harm to your person or the advances of your friendly neighborhood sex offender, was to avoid all eye contact or any acknowledgment of your surroundings. And dude who haplessly walked into the eye of the FTW vortex seems to be a seasoned pro.

Wow, this is actually making me a lil’ misty-eyed with nostalgia for ol’ Joe Metro. Truth. And this just helps support my theory that Starbucks is really the root of all evil.

via Buzzfeed

Keni Styles x Asa Akira Means Making History

I know this issue’s been touched on before, specifically by Darrell Hamamoto at UC Davis and I know technically Keni Styles is a Brit-Thai and not American. But having two Asian folks doing the nasty on an nrop (backwards) that’s made by Americans and consumed by Americans is significant, no? How significant? Hear it yourself, directly from the star of “Pure” (click for the whole interview on Fleshbot, which is NOT SAFE FOR WORK):

“I knew it was, like, gonna be a big deal” – Asa Akira, Star of PURE

Click for Video, Be WARNED, FLESHBOT IS NOT SAFE FOR WORK!

While I’m on the NOT SAFE FOR WORK tip, check out Keni’s website, www.luckyasianguy.com and find out who played Sulu in “This Ain’t Star Trek XXX”.