Vice Magazine’s Do’s and Don’t: Asian Cutterz
Pretty stock image of the shit Vice Magazine is all about.
Yes, the magazine everyone loves to hate (or hates to love – you know who you are). Whether you like it or not, the Do’s and Don’t section is a helluva lot more fun to look at than any other magazines. If only for the fact that really gorgeous looking people wearing Ed Hardy or anything equally as douchey get blasted. Hot girl in Juicy Couture? DON’T. The SAME hot girl with a touring bike cap, purple wife beater, Thai army jacket, boy shorts, tattoo of Max Headroom, and ballerina flats? DO. But we all know Vice’s schtick. So I decided to gather up all the Asian ones from their online Do’s/Don’t list.
And what did I discover? It becomes apparent that the writers only post Asians when its one of the 3 following scenarios:
- Hot Asian girl.
- Asian girl of any look, as long as she’s coked out and sweaty next to a white guy in an abandoned warehouse party.
- Asian dude who may or may not be recently Fresh Off the Boat or in some crazy, embarrassing situation. Or an ultra-uber-super hipster dude (see #19 for an “Asian dude rockin’ a marching band jacket” DO’S). But mostly losers getting a DON’T.
Please click through each category to get a link to the pic/caption. It won’t take you long to figure out that Vice writers are all mid-twenties, hipster-geek, Asian fetish having, small east coast liberal arts college alumni from New Haven/Palos Verdes with tons of family money wasted away on blow and PBRs in their Williamsburg/Echo Park studio apartment shared by 4, but only until they’re sick of NYC/LA and decide to take over their dad’s multi-million dollar ad agency. Basically, my dreamlife. Excuse me now as I drink this bottle of Dos Equis and use this rusty razorblade to cut my arms, parallel to the veins.
- Hot Asian Girls: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23
- Asian Girls with White Douchebag(s): 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6
- Weird Asian Guys: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20
PS. The caption from Weird Asian Guys #17 made me cry into my Hello Kitty pillow.
March 27, 2009 at 7:26 am
ROFLLLLLLL. dude…post of the freaking month.
March 27, 2009 at 7:54 am
Very good metanalysis of Vice magazine. Dead on. So let me get this straight: (1) Asian girls should be fetishized; (2) Asian males to be ridiculed on;(3) uber-hip asian males should be a square on hipster bingo.
March 27, 2009 at 8:52 am
i just dry heaved looking at that 1st nipple-licking picture. oh-ho, so clever you are!
for reals, that is the sweatiest, hairiest, pinkest thing i have ever seen — i looks like a fat piglet’s nipple. that hoebag better back away, pour purell on her tongue and dunk her hands in bleach, before she becomes infected with his stankgerms and gets a rash on her face the size of a slice of pizza. with her nasty ass.
March 28, 2009 at 11:00 am
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March 30, 2009 at 11:15 pm
Looks like asian girls are the hottest new accessory and asian males are…well, weird and awkward(atleast thats how these Vice pics make it out to be). I wonder why theres no picture of any asian males licking some white nipple or hanging over a sweaty body that as accumlated a thick layer of dirt and oil (lack of soap maybe?).
And about that first picture: Classy.
May 16, 2009 at 12:05 pm
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December 28, 2009 at 2:53 pm
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January 2, 2011 at 3:44 pm
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