Chun Li: The Story of the Greatest Movie of All-Time
Best. Movie. Ever. It BARELY missed the deadline for the 2008 Academy Awards, but will surely sweep 2009 cause there's no Slumdog Millionaire caliber movie out yet...
Wild Things. Starship Troopers. Showgirls. Double Team. Bring It On. Street Fighter: The Chun Li Story.
What do all these movies have in common? They are the greatest worst movies of ALL-TIME. I didn’t think any action movie could steal my heart away from Starship Troopers (RICO! You kill bugs GOOD!). Or Double Team (Offense gets the glory. But Defense wins the game). But this movie did it. You need to get over small details like plot development, character building, editing, acting (Chris Klein should not be acting. ever.), and realism. This is a true Hong Kong action flick, but the actors in it don’t really know it. I only wish this movie was in Canto and subtitled. Which is probably why reviewers actually gave it the worst reviews I have ever seen. Has Rotten Tomato ever given a 0% before today? Come on! Did you criticize Tony Ja for his performance in Ong Bak?! Did you pan Stephen Chow for his acting in Kung Fu Hustle?! To understand how great this movie can be if we didn’t understand what the actors were saying, watch the trailer in Japanese with subtitles:
Surprisingly, I wasn’t completely offended by a lot of the Asian portrayals in the movie. There was the typical sensei role model, the random suited gun-toting gangstas, Thai slum peasants, and the kung fu choppers. And of course, the coup de grâce was Chun Li as a concert pianist. Nothing screams the dream of CHINESE PARENTS more than that. The best was showing her playing the piano from her SF apartment with the Golden Gate Bridge in the background (with an angle that would have placed the apartment hovering above The Marina). But there wasn’t anything that stood out as Big Trouble in Little China type sh!t.
Even more surprisingly was that the movie acknowledged Kristin Kreuk’s mixed race, her mum and papa were white and Chinese, respectfully. Totally different than her role in Smallville, where The WB had a great opportunity to show a mixed Asian race couple on TV, right before they got blasted by meteors from the Planet Krypton (What? How would I know this? I don’t watch Smallville… Its on The WB, I mean CW. Which I never watch. *ahem*).
But the best part of the movie experience? We watched it in a theater filled with people that got it. What happened at the end credits? Boos? Snickering? Comments about how bad the movie was? No. Slow clap, followed by applause, then a STANDING OVATION.
Added bonus (Spoiler Alert): I really wish they had Vega come out of the closet with his thick Spanish accent. Instead, they use Taboo from Black Eyed Peas to play Vega? Can you have any more of a random casting than that? The best is his blurb on the art of acting and fighting (as if he didn’t use a masked body double) his this film:
Ahhh. The Joints and Jams video. I remember playin that shit outta my ’87 Jetta freshman year of college! dayaaam! Back when Kim Hill was in the band and not, urgh, what’s her face. And I remember that time I met Taboo at Rasputin Music in ’98:
Taboo: Oh you a fan, man?
AzN: Hell yea!
Taboo: What’s your favorite track?
AzN: (Don’t say Joints and Jams, don’t say Joints and Jams. You’ll embarrass yourself if you name the number 1 song in the country). Uhh. Track 8?
Taboo: “Say Goodbye”?
AzN: Yea, that song…
March 2, 2009 at 12:28 pm
yes, but did she do that “YAA. YAA. YAAYAAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA” – blurry kick move from the SF II game? I would pay matinee admission just to see that.
February 6, 2010 at 8:04 am
[...] Lois Lang also being almost as hot. But KK went on to better things (yes, I gave a RAVING review of Chung Li: The Street Fighter Story, cause they just don’t make em like they used to now that Seagal and Van Damme are [...]